Week 12 Rankings

Last year after 11 weeks, 12 of the 14 teams were 5-6 or better, still with a chance at the playoffs. This year that number is down to 10, and teams with a realistic shot at the playoffs is down to 8 (sorry Z and Weissbard). So it’s not going to be as dramatic as last year, but we’re also not going to have a team as pathetic as Barnard’s was last year make the playoffs thanks to dumb luck.

We have some big matchups these last two weeks that will determine the fate of our league, but I’ll get into that later.

Bitching About Kicking
After taking a week off, here’s where we stand.
QB – Rodgers 24, McCoy 12 – Experts 250, Random 150
Difference per game of 9.09
RB – AP 8, Michael Bush 16 – Experts 168, Random 91
Difference per game of 7
WR – Calvin 8, Smith 1.0 12 – Experts 152, Random 101
Difference per game of 4.64
TE – Gronk 21, Pettigrew 9 – Experts 89, Random 61
Difference per game of 2.55
Kicker – Akers 12, Janikowski 9 – Experts 87, Random 67
Difference per game of 1.82
Defense – 49ers 16, Falcons 4 – Experts 97, Random 111
Difference per game of -1.27

Through 12 weeks the experts have picked:
4 different #1 QBs
3 different #1 RBs
3 different #1 WRs
4 different #1 TEs
8 different #1 Kickers
5 different #1 Defenses

Week 12 Rankings
This week’s rankings will take a look at where each team stands now, what their last 2 games entail, and whether they will be in our out of the playoffs. We also have our first installment of consolation prizes to give out, so it’s an exciting week for everyone.

1. Esco – CPP: 288.18 – Last Week: 1st
Record: 9-2
Schedule: vs. Gutman, vs. Zacherman
In or Out? Esco has already clinched the playoffs, and is playing for a bye and the regular season prize. If (when) he beats Gutman this week, he will clinch all of that, and has a decision to make: Does he sit players in Week 17 to give Zacherman a chance at the playoffs and potentially knock out AGD? With Z’s team getting healthy I wouldn’t want him around. IN

2. Joseph – CPP: 271.67 – Last Week: 2nd
Record: 5-6
Schedule: vs. Kumpf, vs. Kimmel
In or Out? His terrible luck aside, Joseph has a legit chance to make the playoffs. He needs to win out (obviously), and have either 1) AGD lose both their matchups or 2) Barnard beat Ajay and Ajay beat me. Considering my injury-depleted roster and AGD’s less than easy schedule, that’s not too far-fetched. IN

3. Kumpf – CPP: 260.61 – Last Week: 5th
Record: 7-4
Schedule: vs. Joseph, vs. Ajay
In or Out? I’m less than pleased with my schedule these last two weeks, but at least I control my own destiny. The Matt Leinart Experience starts this week, and if he is serviceable at QB, I should be able to win one of these matchups. One of the biggest shockers for me this year is “Week 10” replacing “Dogma” as my number one reason to love Kevin Smith. IN

4. Barnard – CPP: 253.63 – Last Week: 4th
Record: 7-4
Schedule: vs. Ajay, vs. Alan
In or Out? You hold Ajay’s fate in your hands this week, though you may not be at full strength. If AP and/or Freddy can’t go, your roster gets real thin real fast. I repeatedly told you to make a trade, but you continued to believe Deion Branch is a starter. Luckily for you, even if Ajay gets past you this week, you face Alan in Week 13. While he may have 5 years’ worth of pent up rage ready to unleash on you, I don’t think this is the time or place. IN

5. Billy – CPP: 251.75 – Last Week: 3rd
Record: 8-3
Schedule: vs. Kimmel, vs. Donnie
In or Out? If Aaron Hernandez holds onto that ball and the other TD doesn’t get called back, you’re sitting down at 7-4 with Barnard, AGD and myself. Instead, you have the inside track at a bye, and represent the only possible threat to Esco’s regular season title hunt. With your schedule, you still should hit 10 wins, which is always nice. IN

6. Zacherman – CPP: 243.90 – Last Week: 6th
Record: 5-6
Schedule: vs. AGD, vs. Esco
In or Out? First of all, I just want everyone to notice how the top 6 teams stayed the same in the new CPP, with some order shifting. Consistency, that’s what we’re going for. As for Zacherman, it has to suck that McCluster couldn’t muster one more rushing yard and one more receiving yard. Fractional points should be in effect next year, to reward every yard, not just the arbitrary 10-yard milestones. The only real way you can make the playoffs is if I beat Joseph, Barnard beats Ajay, Ajay beats me, and you win out, or if AGD loses out, Joseph loses at least one, and you win out. Not impossible, but not likely. OUT

7. AGD – CPP: 231.23 – Last Week: 7th
Record: 7-4
Schedule: vs. Zacherman, vs. Weissbard
In or Out? You may have noticed that I have already listed 5 teams as IN, and we haven’t gotten to Donnie yet. That doesn’t bode well for you. The way I see it, something crazy is going to go down this week, and either my team or your team won’t make the playoffs. You face Zacherman, who gets Andre back this week, and I spend countless hours writing these rankings every week. If it comes down to me or you two, I chose me every time and thrice on Thanksgiving. OUT

8. Kimmel – CPP: 215.18 – Last Week: 8th
Record: 3-8
Schedule: vs. Billy, vs. Joseph
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prize: This neck massager. Maybe if Peyton had used this a little more, he would have been worth the $28 you spent on him. At least you get the chance to play spoiler two weeks in a row, first to Billy’s bye chances, and then to Nick’s playoff dreams.

9. Weissbard – CPP: 204.68 – Last Week: 10th
Record: 5-6
Schedule: vs. Donnie, vs. AGD
In or Out? There should be a rule that any team that loses to Gutman can’t make the playoffs, but here you are, still with a chance. Your scenarios are basically the same as Zacherman’s, but you also have about 60 points to make up on me and AGD. With your team anything is possible, but I don’t see that happening. OUT

11. Ajay – CPP: 199.99 – Last Week: 12th
Record: 6-5
Schedule: vs. Barnard, vs. Kumpf
In or Out? If only your Points Scored wasn’t so pathetically low, you would basically control your own destiny. As it stands, you need to be a game ahead of one of the current 7-4 teams to have a chance. So not only do you need to win out, but you need either Barnard or myself to lose our other matchup or AGD to lose out. I think you’ll have a tough enough time getting past us. OUT

10. Autodraft – CPP: 198.27 – Last Week: 9th
Record: 8-3
Schedule: vs. Weissbard, vs. Billy
In or Out? There is a distinct chance you will be playing Billy in Week 13 for the right to have a bye. I know the rest of the playoff hopefuls are either dying to face you because your team has scored 83 or less in 7 of 11 weeks, or scared to death to face you because you’ve won while scoring 90 or less 5 times and your luck is absurd. Even if you start Curtis Brinkley next week you’ll be in the playoffs and the regular season title is still a possibility. IN

12. Bennett – CPP: 181.06 – Last Week: 11th
Record: 1-10
Schedule: vs. Alan, vs. Gutman
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prize: I’ve thought long and hard about this. To commemorate you dropping your 10th straight week, partly due to not setting your lineup and being forced to start 3 members of Tyler Palko’s high-octane Chiefs offense, your prize is a framed picture of this. If you don’t start sending some emails the Kick Out Bennett movement will start to gain steam.

13. Alan – CPP: 174.16 – Last Week: 13th
Record: 3-8
Schedule: vs. Bennett, vs. Barnard
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prizes: That’s right Alan, you get two prizes. First, is hopefully a new job. And not one in Minnesota, where Barnard was pushing you just so he would have an excuse to visit once and see if it’s lamer than New Hampshire. The second is the chance to knock Barnard out of the playoffs if he loses to Ajay this week. Yes, the man who once told you he had no respect for you to your face. It’s a golden opportunity, so you better take advantage. I still say you learn something from John F-O-X and start Tebow.

14. Gutman – CPP: 171.78 – Last Week: 14th
Record: 3-8
Schedule: vs. Esco, vs. Bennett
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prize: In honor of the summer I assume you spent at the Second Mile’s Little Lions camp, one of these dolls.
Congrats on your third win.

Happy Thanksgiving Henry.