Week 7 CPP Rankings

Due to the delay in these rankings, I’m not doing individual team write-ups. Instead I’ll display the rankings, give an early playoff preview, and then move on to everyone’s favorite annual gimmick, Mock Trades!

Week 7 Rankings

1.       Joseph – CPP: 240.59, Last Week: 1^st

2.       Kumpf – CPP: 229.52, Last Week: 2^nd

3.       Esco – CPP: 222.51, Last Week: 4^th

4.       New Gutman – CPP: 211.93, Last Week: 3^rd

5.       Ajay – CPP: 211.20, Last Week: 6^th

6.       Bennett – CPP: 207.13, Last Week: 7^th

7.       Kimmel – CPP: 198.87, Last Week: 10^th

8.       AGD – CPP: 193.19, Last Week: 5^th

9.       Zacherman – CPP: 190.97, Last Week: 9^th

10.   Alan – CPP: 172.81, Last Week: 11^th

11.   Weissbard – CPP: 166.74, Last Week: 8^th

12.   Barnard – CPP: 149.24, Last Week: 12^th

13.   Donnie – CPP: 139.34, Last Week: 13^th

14.   Billy – CPP: 107.03, Last Week: 14^th

Rankings Reaction

Our biggest riser was Kimmel, who has continued his improbable run towards playoff contention. The biggest reason for this has been the resurgence of Chris Johnson (RB16 on the season!), who will likely run all over the Colts this week before seeing his production fall off a cliff once again. The biggest falls were AGD and Weissbard, who each fell three spots due to exceptionally shitty weeks. AGD faced byes to Peyton, Demaryius and Charles, which is understandable, and the injury bug continues to destroy Weissbard. By the CPP’s Injury Metric, Weiss has been by far the most injury-affected team, with nearly double the injury points of the second unluckiest team, Alan.

As for the playoff picture, it looks like Joseph, Ajay and myself all have the inside track to the playoffs, and the fight for a bye will be very interesting. Esco and New Gutman look like they have a good chance based on their records and the CPP, but the final playoff spot is pretty much up for grabs. Currently it would go to Kimmel, but as I said earlier, I don’t see that production continuing. Bennett is favored based on the CPP, but it’s Bennett, so we know how that story ends.  As for the other 3-4 teams, Zacherman has a solid track record, Barnard keeps wheeling and dealing, and Donnie is lurking, so I see this playoff spot coming down to Week 13.

Now for the main event. With the Trade Deadline four short weeks away, it’s time for some Mock Trades!

Mock Trades

Esco trades Marques Colston to Donnie for Vernon Davis and Malcom Floyd

Esco fills his hole at TE, while Donnie upgrades at WR and has one less roster decision each week.

Kumpf trades Brandon Lloyd and Randall Cobb to Kimmel for Michael Turner

Kimmel gets two NFL-quality receivers while I get some much needed RB-depth.

Ajay trades Antonio Brown and James Starks to Billy for Darren Sproles and Andre Roberts        

Ajay gets some AP/Bush insurance and Billy gets a receiver to pair with Andre Johnson.

Zacherman trades Jordy Nelson and Antonio Gates to AGD for Calvin Johnson

Z finally gets a stud at any position, and AGD downgrades at WR but gets a big boost at TE.

Alan trades CJ Spiller and Jeremy Kerley to Weissbard for Hakeem Nicks and Andre Brown

Weissbard fills his desparate need for an RB, while Alan gets a high-ceiling receiver.

Gutman trades Maurice Jones-Drew to Joseph for Tony Gonzalez and Reggie Wayne

Gutman turns a bench spot into a two legit starters, while Joseph has the luxury of strengthening his roster for a Stevens Bowl push.

Barnard trades Willis McGahee and Wes Welker to Bennett for AJ Green and LaRod Stephens-Howling

Bennett balances his starting lineup with a quality RB, and Barnard sacrifices at RB to add star power.

Again, four weeks until the Trade Deadline and five weeks until the playoffs, so the time to trade is now!

Week 6 CPP Rankings

Down goes Joseph! And there will be no undefeated season once again in 2012. Looking at the standings, I noticed a few things:

1.       Our new Commissioner is taking after our deadbeat ex-Commissioner, and has still not named the divisions.

2.       Division 1, with Ajay, Esco, New Gutman, Barnard and myself is a pretty stacked division.

3.       Division 2, with Kimmel, Donnie, Alan and Billy is a pretty shitty division, despite having the only 3 Stevens Bowl champs.

4.       Our divisions are meaningless.

5.       We should make them meaningful.

While I realize that we can’t make any changes during the season, here is what I propose for next year, which can be discussed at Winter Meetings:

Three divisions, with a 5/5/4 setup like we have now, but each division winner makes the playoffs and then the next three best teams by record make it regardless of division. The schedule will not be weighted towards the divisions, this will just go for playoff consideration. But how will we determine the divisions? I’m glad you asked.

At some point during the offseason, before the draft but not during FALAFEL Draft Location Madness, we have a Division Draft, picked by the Stevens Bowl Champion, the Stevens Bowl Runner-Up, and the Consolation Game (Rodgers Bowl?) Champion. The Stevens Bowl Champ gets to choose between being in the 4-team division and having 3^rd pick in each round, or being in a 5-team division and having 1^st pick in each round. Then we have a fixed order draft to pick the divisions.

My idea can be tweaked but this adds one more draft to the year, gets our divisions named (by their captains), and is based solely on the lack of mutual respect we have for each other. Who would be first pick? Kimmel has never made the playoffs (neither have I), Bennett lost 13 straight games over two years, Barnard has some of the lowest scores in fantasy football history, Billy is constantly wasted and current has a Free Agent kicker on his roster… I’m getting excited just thinking about this.

I’m open to any suggestions about this, but I at least want it on the agenda for Winter Meetings. All I’m saying is think about it.

Week 6 Rankings

1.       Joseph – CPP: 188.13, Last Week: 1^st

Your first loss didn’t knock you off the top spot, but it did narrow the gap considerably between you and me. Honestly, the biggest reason you lost is that the Bears D, and their TDs, were on a bye. Getting over 20 points from your defense three weeks in a row is insane, but it isn’t reliable even if they are the best D in the league. When you lose Rice and Lynch to byes later in the season you’ll be hard pressed to win, so you need to take care of business when they’re in your lineup if you want to lock down a playoff bye.

2.       Kumpf – CPP: 186.72, Last Week: 2^nd

Four games decided by less than 5 points means I could easily be 2-4. It also means I could easily be 6-0. The schedule gods were nice to me this week, as I get AGD when Peyton, Demaryius and Jamaal are all on a bye. If I can’t win this one, even without Shady, then I don’t deserve the top spot in these or any rankings.

3.       New Gutman – CPP: 186.65, Last Week: 4^th

Another close game for you as well, and I know you’re terrified of waking up Friday and seeing a stat change. Even though I think you deserve absolutely no karma this year, Decker did trip and fall on his way to an easy TD, so you should have won handily. With Decker on a bye and Jenning still banged up, you may have to choose between Chaz, Aldrick and Domenik as your starting receivers. Ew.

4.       Esco – CPP: 174.58, Last Week: 6^th

It took balls to start RG3 last week, but it certainly paid off and you wouldn’t have won without him. But that might not have even been your best move, as you had the patience to keep Felix Jones on your roster all season as nothing more than a handcuff. I can guarantee that everyone quickly ran to our free agent list looking for Jones, only to be pissed to find out he was already owned. Well everyone except Billy, who drunkenly tried to pick up Emmitt Smith.

5.       AGD – CPP: 171.82, Last Week: 5^th

There should be no way in hell that you can compete with me this week, without your three best players so far, and a tough matchup for your fourth. So why am I so nervous? You’ve managed to acquire pretty decent depth despite limited waiver wire moves, and your top three active players all play on MNF, which will scare the shit out of me. I see another close matchup for my squad this week.

6.       Ajay – CPP: 160.28, Last Week: 3^rd

You’re sitting nicely at 5-1, but slowly moving down these rankings, and this week you lose Matty Ice, Julio and Reggie to byes. Not only that, but Nicks is back to steal redzone targets from Cruz, Amendola is out a couple of months, and the Vikings appear scared to use AP near the goalline. Could this be the beginning of a collapse for last year’s runner-up? I doubt that, but you no longer are a front-runner for a bye in my book.

7.       Bennett – CPP: 156.11, Last Week: 10^th

Your improbable rise is due to some stellar performances by  your personal Gang Green(e), which I’m sure will be your next team name. The problem with relying on players like Shonn Greene and Brian Hartline is that they’re just not very good, so they might give you 30 point games one week, and then disappear for two months. To make any noise this year, you’ll need Brees and AJ to carry you, as a down week from either of them all but guarantees a loss. Not a position I’d like to be in, but it could be a lot worse.

8.       Weissbard – CPP: 150.61, Last Week: 7^th

Usually injuries hit all teams pretty evenly, but you are getting by far the worst of it this year. You have to assume that things will even out over the course of the season, but at 1-5, you don’t really have the luxury of the long view. You need wins now. Lucky for you, the G-Men get the Skins’ porous defense, so you might have a fighting chance against New Gutman.

9.       Zacherman – CPP: 146.19, Last Week: 9^th

You got 30 from Jordy, 20 from Gates and 18 from Bradshaw last week. And that’s it. If it didn’t happen to be Cam’s bye week and you didn’t happen to be playing Kimmel, you could easily be over .500 right now. Even so, the trade with Esco has put you in view of the playoffs, and your roster is deeper than most. You get the chance to see who really won that trade this week, in a pivotal Week 7 matchup with the Commish.

10.   Kimmel – CPP: 146.01, Last Week: 11^th

I didn’t think you had it in you, but a solid Week 7 should put you in the top 10, and you’re currently leading Division Three, for whatever that’s worth. Ironically enough for a team with Aaron Rodgers, the thing that will hurt your team most is the return of Greg Jennings, as it will basically render James Jones as useless as the rest of your receivers. Sitting at 3-3 right now, a trade for a receiver might put you in a position to make the playoffs, and everyone needs RBs, so you need a trade more than anyone else in this league.

11.   Alan – CPP: 143.48, Last Week: 8^th

Your team’s performance last week was very similar to your new team name: It doesn’t illicit much of a reaction, it’s a sad attempt at a comeback, and it has a weird space in the middle. At this point in the season, I’d say a 0-6 team is out, a 1-5 team has to win every week, and a 2-4 team can only afford one bye-related fuck-up. You still haven’t had the byes for Gore, Spiller or Torrey, yet this week you’re starting Jeremy Kerley. I don’t like the 2012 outlook for the first ever FALAFEL champ.

12.   Barnard – CPP: 127.32, Last Week: 13^th

Despite that abomination of a trade a couple weeks ago, your starting lineup is actually extremely solid. It doesn’t strike me as a championship lineup, but it is probably a playoff lineup. Your only really tough matchups the rest of the way are against Ajay and Nick, so you could conceivably end up 8-5. However if even one of your guys goes down with an injury, you’ll likely lose out. No pressure or anything.

13.   Donnie – CPP: 111.64, Last Week: 12^th

You’re currently leaving 19.43 points on your bench per game, which is 12 points worse than New Gutman, who has set the best lineups this year. This is mainly due to the clusterfucks at RB in Carolina and at WR in San Diego, which you somehow have every member of. I don’t think that amount of inconsistency will lead to a playoff run, but you have a chance to win every week…

14.   Billy – CPP: 87.60, Last Week: 14^th

…which is more than I can say for you Billy. Despite drafting drunk, I feel like your team isn’t all that bad. You’re basically solid everywhere but WR2 and TE, and even there you have serviceable players. Only God knows why Billy Cundiff is on your roster, but nothing else there screams 0-6 to me. The worst part about it is that you haven’t even been in the top 7 in scoring for any week, so you’re a legit 0-6. It might be time to start thinking about next year, as you’re in line for the earliest ever consolation prize.

Week 5 CPP Rankings

Busy as shit this week and I'm off tomorrow for ACL, so here are the rankings with no write-ups:

1. Joseph - CPP: 205.03, Last Week: 1st

2. Kumpf - CPP: 187.67, Last Week: 3rd

3. Ajay - CPP: 172.38, Last Week: 4th

4. New Gutman - CPP: 171.95, Last Week: 2nd

5. AGD - CPP: 157.31, Last Week: 9th

6. Esco - CPP: 153.89, Last Week: 7th

7. Weissbard - CPP: 143.74, Last Week: 6th

8. Alan - CPP: 141.72, Last Week: 5th

Now for a slight break. Some of you may have noticed that my award-winning team name has changed. With Alan being single once again, I only had one Alexis to work with, thus ruining the point of the team name. Luckily for all of us, when Barnard asked Alan what he missed most about being in a relationship, he responded "the creampies." Assuming Alexis wasn't an expert baker, we all now have a fantastic image in our heads, and I have a new team name. Back to the rankings...

9. Zacherman - CPP: 136.89, Last Week: 10th

10. Bennett - CPP: 131.37, Last Week: 8th

11. Kimmel - CPP: 128.22, Last Week: 11th

12. Donnie - CPP: 110.13, Last Week: 13th

13. Barnard - CPP: 107.04, Last Week: 12th

14. Billy - CPP: 90.85, Last Week: 14th

Back next week with a full set of rankings.

Week 4 CPP Rankings

I was about to settle into a night of writing these rankings and watching the Yankees clinch the division, when two things happened. First, Barnard bent over and let Nick penetrate the shit out of him, putting our former commissioner in the driver’s seat for the Stevens Bowl. That news was immediately followed by the news that I had to go to a Debate Party instead of watching the Yankees, and I could only hope that it’s a lot like it was in Old School.

Overall a shitty afternoon thanks to Barnard and Obama. Anyway, on to the rankings.

Week 4 Rankings

1.       Joseph – CPP: 175, Last Week: 5^th

The rich get richer. You already had the top RB duo in the league by a long shot, and after your trade goes through, your receiving corps becomes V-Jax, Reggie Wayne and Stevie. Not too shabby. You are essentially a playoff shoo-in at this point, and the only downfall you’ll see is deciding which QB and TE to play. Not a bad position to be in.

2.       New Gutman – CPP: 172.58, Last Week: 2^nd

If it wasn’t for an absurdly late scoring change last week, this autodrafted team would be undefeated. It is also the only team that has finished in the top 7 in scoring each of the first 4 weeks, a fact that is not overlooked by the CPP. If only its owner gave two shits about this league or understood the FAAB value of replacement players, I might actually respect this team.

3.       Kumpf – CPP: 168.95, Last Week: 4^th

The most ironic thing about my loss to Ajay by .6 points is that it was entirely my own fault. If you’ll remember, Garrett Hartley made the “game-winning” FG against the Packers late in the fourth quarter, only to have it called back by a bogus holding penalty. He missed the ensuing FG attempt, causing me to lose 1 point thanks to a rule that I lobbied for years to include. I guess karma came back to haunt me, but I’m not ruling out another Friday win.

4.       Ajay – CPP: 155, Last Week: 7^th

This might be because I lost to your team in part due to the absurd score from the Texans D/ST, but I think we need to curb D/ST scoring. In a 10-team league, it’s okay to have defenses break 20 points because the rest of a team’s roster is also stacked. In our league, a huge defensive week that could come from a play like this can completely change a matchup. I think we should at least have the discussion at Winter Meetings. Props to Ajay for winning while Julio and Rudolph combined for 3.8, that is no easy task.

5.       Alan – CPP: 146.1, Last Week: 6^th

Look who’s cracking the top 5? Your team has slowly improved through trades, and a healthy Garcon gives you the look of a possible playoff contender. I’m not sure if Stafford will stay in his funk all year, or if Spiller will return to his Week 2-3 production, but I no longer laugh while looking at your roster. After the draft you had, you deserve recognition for that.

6.       Weissbard – CPP: 146.1, Last Week: 1^st

That was a rough one. But if you want to look at it positively, on a week where you were hurt by injury and all-around terrible production, your opponent dropped 120 so you likely would have lost anyway. If you want to look at it negatively, you are the first person Kimmel has beaten since October of last year.

7.       Esco – CPP: 142.83, Last Week: 3^rd

It always sucks losing by less than 5 points when your team just doesn’t produce as well as it should. I seriously question your decision to start Ogletree over Colston, but other than that you started your guys and they didn’t show up. Things should get better, and at least you won’t have to start Lamar Miller ever again. Seriously, drop him just so you’re not temped.

8.       Bennett – CPP: 138.65, Last Week: 9^th

I think you are the only person in America who started Brian Hartline last week and lost. He was a previously shitty receiver playing for a terrible offense going against the best defense in the league. Even if he did go off, that you had no better options on your bench is inexcusable. Why do you have two kickers? Why do you have multiple Browns? Lay off that Korean Poon Goo and get your shit together.

9.       AGD – CPP: 126.5, Last Week: 8^th

I gotta say I really like your team. I’m still not totally sure about Peyton, as I’m sure you’re not either, but you guys are set up a lot nicer than some of the teams above you. Denver’s bye week will be rough, but other than that, this team will be competitive every week as long as Peyton keeps it up.

10.   Zacherman – CPP: 115.93, Last Week: 14^th

Finally a big week from Zacherman. A win is always nice, but seeing how well Cam played had to give you some hope for the rest of the season. Outside of him and Marshall, I’m not sold on any of your players, in fact I’m low on most of them, but if you get one or two of them to go off on a given week, you’re probably going to win.

11.   Kimmel – CPP: 114.58, Last Week: 13^th

Congrats on the win. Much like Zacherman and Cam, you had to like seeing your three RBs and A-Rod light it up last week. Considering they are literally the only players you spent draft dollars on, you need them to play like that every week to have a chance. I still think it makes sense for you to trade one of the RBs for some help at receiver, but if you think you can guess right between LaFell, Hankerson, Manningham, Jones, Avery and Royal, more power to you.

12.   Barnard – CPP: 105.73, Last Week: 10^th

I can understand that it’s difficult to pick between Reggie Wayne and Stevie Johnson for your flex each week. Those types of decisions suck. So trading them for a receiver upgrade makes sense to me. Someone like Fitz or Andre who has a much higher upside than either of your guys would make your team look really good. You chose Miles Austin. While I think you’re buying high on him right now, and Dez and Witten will end up stealing his looks later in the season, if you think he’s your guy, I can’t fault you. Why you included the enormous downgrade of Witten for Scott Fucking Chandler is beyond me. Witten has 10 years of production as a TE1, and looks to be over the spleen injury that slowed him to start the year. Chandler is 21^st in TE receptions (Witten is 4^th), 14^th in TE targets (Witten is 5^th), and 17^th in TE yards (Witten is 13^th). Yeah he’s got 4 TD receptions compared to Witten’s 1. Guess who has 3 TD receptions. Dante Rosario. Exactly.

13.   Donnie – CPP: 91.25, Last Week: 11^th

Between Palmer/Smith, D-Will/J-Stew/Ingram, Floyd/Meachem/Denarius/Crabtree, and Jermichael/Vernon, you have some tough lineup decisions to make every week. You can handle that by voluntarily taking Nick’s dick up your ass like Barnard did, or you can be patient and make a responsible trade. If you don’t, you’re going to drive yourself crazy every week making these choices.

14.   Billy – CPP: 90.925, Last Week: 12^th

Quite the fall for our defending champion, which serves as a Public Service Announcement for the “Don’t Drink and Draft” movement. The Ryan Mathews/Jackie Battle situation is troublesome when making a lineup decision (I have to deal with it in other leagues and it blows), but you still have a solid team. If you can find a consistent WR2, you’ll look a lot better.