Week 4 CPP Rankings

I was about to settle into a night of writing these rankings and watching the Yankees clinch the division, when two things happened. First, Barnard bent over and let Nick penetrate the shit out of him, putting our former commissioner in the driver’s seat for the Stevens Bowl. That news was immediately followed by the news that I had to go to a Debate Party instead of watching the Yankees, and I could only hope that it’s a lot like it was in Old School.

Overall a shitty afternoon thanks to Barnard and Obama. Anyway, on to the rankings.

Week 4 Rankings

1.       Joseph – CPP: 175, Last Week: 5^th

The rich get richer. You already had the top RB duo in the league by a long shot, and after your trade goes through, your receiving corps becomes V-Jax, Reggie Wayne and Stevie. Not too shabby. You are essentially a playoff shoo-in at this point, and the only downfall you’ll see is deciding which QB and TE to play. Not a bad position to be in.

2.       New Gutman – CPP: 172.58, Last Week: 2^nd

If it wasn’t for an absurdly late scoring change last week, this autodrafted team would be undefeated. It is also the only team that has finished in the top 7 in scoring each of the first 4 weeks, a fact that is not overlooked by the CPP. If only its owner gave two shits about this league or understood the FAAB value of replacement players, I might actually respect this team.

3.       Kumpf – CPP: 168.95, Last Week: 4^th

The most ironic thing about my loss to Ajay by .6 points is that it was entirely my own fault. If you’ll remember, Garrett Hartley made the “game-winning” FG against the Packers late in the fourth quarter, only to have it called back by a bogus holding penalty. He missed the ensuing FG attempt, causing me to lose 1 point thanks to a rule that I lobbied for years to include. I guess karma came back to haunt me, but I’m not ruling out another Friday win.

4.       Ajay – CPP: 155, Last Week: 7^th

This might be because I lost to your team in part due to the absurd score from the Texans D/ST, but I think we need to curb D/ST scoring. In a 10-team league, it’s okay to have defenses break 20 points because the rest of a team’s roster is also stacked. In our league, a huge defensive week that could come from a play like this can completely change a matchup. I think we should at least have the discussion at Winter Meetings. Props to Ajay for winning while Julio and Rudolph combined for 3.8, that is no easy task.

5.       Alan – CPP: 146.1, Last Week: 6^th

Look who’s cracking the top 5? Your team has slowly improved through trades, and a healthy Garcon gives you the look of a possible playoff contender. I’m not sure if Stafford will stay in his funk all year, or if Spiller will return to his Week 2-3 production, but I no longer laugh while looking at your roster. After the draft you had, you deserve recognition for that.

6.       Weissbard – CPP: 146.1, Last Week: 1^st

That was a rough one. But if you want to look at it positively, on a week where you were hurt by injury and all-around terrible production, your opponent dropped 120 so you likely would have lost anyway. If you want to look at it negatively, you are the first person Kimmel has beaten since October of last year.

7.       Esco – CPP: 142.83, Last Week: 3^rd

It always sucks losing by less than 5 points when your team just doesn’t produce as well as it should. I seriously question your decision to start Ogletree over Colston, but other than that you started your guys and they didn’t show up. Things should get better, and at least you won’t have to start Lamar Miller ever again. Seriously, drop him just so you’re not temped.

8.       Bennett – CPP: 138.65, Last Week: 9^th

I think you are the only person in America who started Brian Hartline last week and lost. He was a previously shitty receiver playing for a terrible offense going against the best defense in the league. Even if he did go off, that you had no better options on your bench is inexcusable. Why do you have two kickers? Why do you have multiple Browns? Lay off that Korean Poon Goo and get your shit together.

9.       AGD – CPP: 126.5, Last Week: 8^th

I gotta say I really like your team. I’m still not totally sure about Peyton, as I’m sure you’re not either, but you guys are set up a lot nicer than some of the teams above you. Denver’s bye week will be rough, but other than that, this team will be competitive every week as long as Peyton keeps it up.

10.   Zacherman – CPP: 115.93, Last Week: 14^th

Finally a big week from Zacherman. A win is always nice, but seeing how well Cam played had to give you some hope for the rest of the season. Outside of him and Marshall, I’m not sold on any of your players, in fact I’m low on most of them, but if you get one or two of them to go off on a given week, you’re probably going to win.

11.   Kimmel – CPP: 114.58, Last Week: 13^th

Congrats on the win. Much like Zacherman and Cam, you had to like seeing your three RBs and A-Rod light it up last week. Considering they are literally the only players you spent draft dollars on, you need them to play like that every week to have a chance. I still think it makes sense for you to trade one of the RBs for some help at receiver, but if you think you can guess right between LaFell, Hankerson, Manningham, Jones, Avery and Royal, more power to you.

12.   Barnard – CPP: 105.73, Last Week: 10^th

I can understand that it’s difficult to pick between Reggie Wayne and Stevie Johnson for your flex each week. Those types of decisions suck. So trading them for a receiver upgrade makes sense to me. Someone like Fitz or Andre who has a much higher upside than either of your guys would make your team look really good. You chose Miles Austin. While I think you’re buying high on him right now, and Dez and Witten will end up stealing his looks later in the season, if you think he’s your guy, I can’t fault you. Why you included the enormous downgrade of Witten for Scott Fucking Chandler is beyond me. Witten has 10 years of production as a TE1, and looks to be over the spleen injury that slowed him to start the year. Chandler is 21^st in TE receptions (Witten is 4^th), 14^th in TE targets (Witten is 5^th), and 17^th in TE yards (Witten is 13^th). Yeah he’s got 4 TD receptions compared to Witten’s 1. Guess who has 3 TD receptions. Dante Rosario. Exactly.

13.   Donnie – CPP: 91.25, Last Week: 11^th

Between Palmer/Smith, D-Will/J-Stew/Ingram, Floyd/Meachem/Denarius/Crabtree, and Jermichael/Vernon, you have some tough lineup decisions to make every week. You can handle that by voluntarily taking Nick’s dick up your ass like Barnard did, or you can be patient and make a responsible trade. If you don’t, you’re going to drive yourself crazy every week making these choices.

14.   Billy – CPP: 90.925, Last Week: 12^th

Quite the fall for our defending champion, which serves as a Public Service Announcement for the “Don’t Drink and Draft” movement. The Ryan Mathews/Jackie Battle situation is troublesome when making a lineup decision (I have to deal with it in other leagues and it blows), but you still have a solid team. If you can find a consistent WR2, you’ll look a lot better.