Week 3 Rankings

I have had literally no time to type these up again this week, hopefully next week I get back on track. So I will be looking at the monster trades that just went down and then giving the rankings with one sentence on each team. If you don’t like it, then convince Joseph to actually put out a weekly rankings in a legible format.

Bitching About Kicking
Last Week: Gostkowski – 10, Hauschka – 0
Season: Experts – 10, Randomness – 10
This Week: Experts have Neil Rackers, Randomness has the Steelers’ Shaun Suisham

Trade Analysis
Considering three players who fetched more than $40 in the auction got traded this week, I think it’s time to reflect on the trades. One of them was a win-win, one was a trade rape, and one was a lose-lose. Let’s take a look.

Win-Win: Donaldson trades Greg Olsen to Alan for Joseph Addai
While many people thought this was one-sided in favor of Donnie, I don’t see it that way. The Colts suck, and will not be running out the clock much if ever this season. And once they’re 0-8, why would they risk injuring the oft-hurt Addai, instead of giving Donald Brown or Delone Carter a real shot? If by some miracle Peyton comes back and turns things around quickly, then Addai has some value but otherwise I don’t see him as startable.
As for Olsen, with the way Cam has played through two weeks, I consider any of his weapons as a viable fantasy option. And with Hernandez down, there’s a distinct chance that Brady starts banging Gronkowski exclusively and leaves no room for Hernandez in their threesome. I like the trade for everyone.

Trade Rape: Gutman trades Vick and Ryan Grant to Esco for Cutler and Tim Hightower
This is just ridiculous. With all the options Esco has at RB, why go for the one that is most likely to lose his job? Shanahan has admitted his man crush on Roy Helu publicly, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him as RB1 as soon as Week 6. Well done Esco, you are now listed as a Registered Sex Offender in fantasy circles.

Lose-Lose: Gutman trades Andre and Woodhead to Alan for DMC and Plax
You guys are dumb. Both of you have extreme roster issues, Alan due to J-Charles’s injury and Gutman due to a terrible draft strategy. When it looks as if your team is falling apart, you have only 2 options. Either ride it out as is, and hope for the best, or start over, sell off your assets and try to make the most respectable team possible.
Well you did neither of that. You both had one coveted piece of trade bait and you traded them for each other. That leaves neither of you in a better position. Woodhead and Plax are not startable for a team that has a chance to win a game, so I really don’t know what you guys were doing.
Full disclosure: I was negotiating trades with both of them, and they pulled this out behind my back. I was offering each of them 2 starters and 1 borderline starter for Andre or DMC. I’m fine with my team, one of two teams that had a human drafting them and started 2-0, but you guys will regret this trade immediately.

Week 3 Rankings

1. AGD – CPP: 147.74 – Last Week: 11th
You had just about the perfect week, I honestly love your team.

2. Esco – CPP: 142.86 – Last Week: 1st
That is one scary team sir.

3. Kumpf – CPP: 132.31 – Last Week: 7th
Thanks to being spurned by Alan and Gutman so they could fuck both their own teams, I have a glut of startable talent on the trade block.

4. Weissbard – CPP: 130.95 – Last Week: 13th
Even your bench showed up, what a bounce back.

5. Kimmel – CPP: 124.65 – Last Week: 8th
Only you can start your ideal roster for the week and still find a way to get a 2-point effort from Braylon Edwards involved.

6. Alan – CPP: 115.69 – Last Week: 3rd
You will not win another game this season.

7. Ajay – CPP: 109.35 – Last Week: 12th
Good to see the strategy works, bad to see Austin go down for a few weeks.

8. Joseph – CPP: 104.79 – Last Week: 9th
Javon Ringer outscored a healthy CJ, which just about sums up your luck in fantasy the last two years.

9. Autodraft – CPP: 103.68 – Last Week: 6th
You won again you sand baggin’ son of a bitch.

10. Bennett – CPP: 94.35 – Last Week: 4th
Change your team name.

11. Zacherman – CPP: 91.70 – Last Week: 5th
I beat you two years in a row, and it appears you should be starting Cam.

12. Barnard – CPP: 90.90 – Last Week: 14th
I don’t wish those kinds of losses on anyone. Besides you.

13. Lutz – CPP: 79.33 – Last Week: 2nd
Starting a player who has been doubtful all week and ruled out hours before kickoff is the first step to getting kicked out of the league (ask Long).

14. Gutman – CPP: 62.40 – Last Week: 10th
Your optimal lineup scored 66 points last week, or just more than double what Cam Newton put up on Green Bay.