So how does this CPP thing work? is the first question I ask as I start writing this thing for week 2.
Do I have to invent some made-up and ridiculous scoring algorithm to quantitatively rank everyone? No, no one would believe that.
Am I to just rank everyone based on their division? No, that doesn’t take much of a brain to come up with.
Or am I to do whatever I want as long as put some order to things, talk about football, and bust some balls? I'll just go with that.
Heading into week 3, teams are 1 of 3 things. 2-0, 1-1, and 0-2. And that's how the rankings will be broken up this week. Plus, longer write-ups will be given to the 2-0 teams since I had little time available this week.
The 2-0 squads, start of a perfect season.
Levine, Barnard, Bennett
1. Esco
With everyone jokingly (but kinda realistically) having a strategy of fucking and bidding up Esco due to his previous years' success, he still managed to hold onto the most money last, allowing him to get lots of solid players, also maximizing on his reward chances over the risk of few players.
He's off to a strong start, with a starting lineup that looks to be getting stronger, now that selfish Gutman is jumping ship on the league's collective strategy (fuck Esco) by granting him Graham, the man who gave Gutman the best chance of upsetting Esco this past week (nice loyalty there, good luck motivating your players here on out).
The high scorer in week one, winning by close to 20, snuck by with a win over Gutman in week two scoring in the middle of the pack.
His starting lineup and depth, with undervalued sparks from Sproles and Edelman, looks to be formidable, and will likely improve in the skill positions as he poses two quality QBs in division buddies Cam and Matty Ice that someone will likely pry away from him in the future due to lack of league morality (still looking at you Gutman). He should be able to keep it up and pose as strong competition each week.
2. Levine
Off to a strong start, with half as many wins already as last year in only 2 weeks, can Levine show to have turned his management ability around after one offseason?
He possesses the strongest run game in the league with Murray and Foster, and has a legit WR in Marshall that will pose as a solid positional player foundation all season. Brady needs to start playing better, and if he does, this team can be even more dangerous. Plus Ridley will put up some big number games every now and then like he did week 2, helping cruise high over Ajay who had to root against NE blowing out Minn like they did (now don’t you agree it’s dick when NE runs up the score Ajay??)
Team Kimmel has found winning and making fun of the bald dome is too much to handle, so a name change back to Team Kimmel will hopefully keep from a changing back to losing as well.
3. Bennett
Strange to see only one Eagle on his team, he may have finally managed to figure out a slight bias has existed in his drafting in years past. Now he actually has quality players from other teams, and doesn’t have to bet the farm on Chip putting up 75 by running 200 plays a game.
A top heavy team w/ Forte, Spiller, and Cobb, he really needs some of his young WRs to bust out showing some weekly consistency and Fitz may pose as a flex at best this year since he’ll have some good games and quiet games in a tough defensive division. Donald Brown now making in the starting lineup for SD, who’s showing to be one of the better offenses this year, will give him the boost to sustain his success and continue putting up a solid weekly number.
He hasn’t been putting up any big numbers yet, scoring in the low 90s/high 80s for both of his victories over the week 2 hot potato taker and the week 1 runner-up.
4. Barnard
Does Barnard always have Frank Gore? Seems like he does.
His team has some good things and as always, some bad things going for him right now. And knowing Barnard, when some good things are happen, they usually turn bad. So expect all bad in the near future.
But starting with the good right now… the Patriots D is demolishing lesser competition, which it faces again in week 3, Rivers is looking like the Rivers of old (though he doesn't appreciate when you bench him), and his run game looks to be above average with Lynch (back problems maybe?) and Gore who's playing solid yet aging by the day. He also still manages to have BenJarvus Green-Ellis on his team who remains a free agent to round out his RB depth. Questionable management tactics, but maybe he knows something? I think he’s still relies on his Fantasy preview magazine which printed back in April that he picked up at the airport before the draft.
Now onto the current bad... The WR situation. Green might be out for a few weeks and will return fighting a lingering toe issue all year (that’s how those piggies go). And he’ll have trouble managing his team picking between some old man receivers all season who'll have some big games, and some quiet games too. Have fun staying sane with that.
Yet he's off to a good start, scoring nicely in week one, but sneaking by with a victory in week two due to an early injury by Green and wrong choices in QB and WR. Expect a turn for the worse however in the future as age will start to show through the season for this team.
The 1-1 squads, middle of the pack
5. Nijo
Another top heavy team with little depth, McCoy, Brown, Maclin, White, and McFadden should keep you competitive all year, but the PF v PA ratio is starting to show why the Njio rule retains its name.
6. Weissbard
The high total point scorer in our league so far suffered a tough loss week 1 to Nijo, but crushed Donnie taking the high week scorer cheese just over AGD after showing he still has a place in his heart for his old boy in blue, Ahmad Bradshaw, who he gave the start to over TRich.
7. Kumpf
The only man to not represent his team at the draft with the rest of the league is off to a weak start squeaked by with a win over the dress wearing squad and needs to be getting some better and more consistent play out of his players who should be performing much better collectively.
8. Marshall/Lutz
Taking down Z week 1, but losing to Kumpf’s low winner total in week 2, I know that never sits well with them, so expect a trade, likely involving Charles, who hasn’t gotten anything going yet and won’t be one to test Marshall and Lutz’s patience. They are always looking for that spark.
9. AGD
I don’t get the team name, but the picture you found is pretty awesome (way to facebook stalk for that one), but if only Eddie Lacy could live up to the pre-season hype and start playing just as awesome too, you’d be a much happier couple.
10. Alan
You are never nice to me. I’m not writing you anything more.
The 0-2 squads, lotta football left to be played, aka, must win territory
11. Ajay
Before the season started, I thought your team was really good, so I don’t know what’s going on. Actually, yes I do. Your running game is significantly underperforming, so once that turns around, this team can make that last quarter mile push and win it coming from far behind, kinda like Disney’s Seabiscuit. Maybe you can use that to update your team name you lazy drunk.
12. Donnie
Alan made the right move my changing tables when we drafted (I sat down w/ my laptop and Alan felt cramped so went to the bar) since it looks like our table was cursed w/ the 0-2 start. Peyton and Calvin are handling their business, but no one else seems to be coming through, as the experiment for what happens when you auction all your money for the best WR and best QB in the game is off to an evident start.
13. Gutman
You may have noticed a fair amount of hatred in this email towards Gutman. I blame my loss and receipt of the hot potato award on you and your write-up last week for complementing my team after a loss and jinxing me in many ways this week. Go fuck yourself. But I will watch your cat again any time as I abuse your apartment.
14. Z
Of course my team is still amazing, I’m going to win out, take first in the season and first place overall… is my thinking. But in reality, this fucking sucks. Sunday was one of the best and worst days ever, setting my team lineup at 9a, going GB for the game (which was probably the greatest emotional high to low experienced in the course of a few hours in a very long time), not knowing anything that happened in the other games, cursing and still mad the entire way home, getting back at 10p to first check my team score, and see I now have the hot potato too that could last all season as I put up a most pathetic number. God I love this game!
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