Week 8 Rankings

This is a bittersweet moment for me. I’ll be turning in this computer at the end of the day, as I complete my 2 years, 3 months, 2 weeks and 2 days at Johnson & Johnson. I have a lot of great memories on this computer. I watched seasons 1-6 of Lost, 1-4 of Mad Men, 1-5 of Friday Night Lights and 1-5 of The Office on this computer. I did a little bit of work on this computer. But most importantly, I have written each week’s rankings on this computer, dating back to that fateful day before Week 1 of 2009 when Gutman and I were so bored at work that we came up with a somewhat arbitrary ranking system.

Since that day the CPP has been refined to a less useless tool for ranking the teams in our hallowed league, and my weekly columns have gone viral (994 blog views and counting!). All of that happened because of this computer and this job, both of which I am leaving today. I’m not sure what the future brings for myself and these rankings, but it’s been a fun two years.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Bitching About Kicking

QB – Rodgers 25, Stafford 11 – Experts 156, Random 79
Difference per game of 11
RB – DMC 0, Addai 1 – Experts 83, Random 56
Difference per game of 3.857
WR – Calvin 17, Santana 1 – Experts 110, Random 50
Difference per game of 8.571
TE – Graham 17, Daniels 7 – Experts 55, Random 36
Difference per game of 2.714
Kicker – Rayner 0, Vinatieri 1 – Experts 43, Random 43
Difference per game of 0
Defense – Ravens 10, Panthers 10 – Experts 66, Random 71
Difference per game of -.714

Lineups this week:
Experts: Brees, AP, Calvin, Graham, Hanson, Ravens
Random: Ponder, Mendenhall, Marshall, Heath Miller, Prater, Chiefs

Week 8 Rankings

1. Esco – CPP: 168.53 - Last Week: 1st
As if you needed any more help, just as Benson goes down to suspension, Michael Bush becomes a startable RB. What has impressed me the most about your season so far is your roster management. In our league, the best teams tend to leave a lot of points on the bench because they have the best rosters top to bottom (there are exceptions, more on this later). But despite putting up a league-leading 109 points per game, you’re only leaving 5 points per week on the bench, good for 3rd in the league. In years past this has not been sustainable, so I’m not sure if it means that you’re “due” for a letdown or not, but you do get a surprisingly tough matchup against the Nard Dog this week.

2. Billy – CPP: 132.05 - Last Week: 7th
Great job with your “sabermetric” rankings. The logic makes more sense than elements of the CPP do, I’ll be the first to admit it. Once I get to TX, I’ll probably have a bunch of free time on my hands, and one of my first priorities (other than getting a couch), will be to revamp the CPP. So I’ll likely be using some of your methods. In other words, welcome to the CPP team! As for your team, two weeks ago I said, “When I said that Arian and Brees could carry you to the playoffs, I thought you understood that it was implied that they would need help.” Well last week they didn’t really need the help. Bennett’s team outscored them by a mere 17 points, and the rest of your team finally showed up to make up the difference and then some. And on top of that, you get a Rodgers-less Joseph this week, which should push you further over .500.

3. Zacherman – CPP: 118.50 - Last Week: 5th
As much as I hate when Donnie does well because he autodrafted, I’d prefer that to Zacherman doing well with a team he picked, because I always have to hear about it. After withstanding the Masand/Sproles attack last week, Z emerges over .500 for the first time all season. He gets an interesting matchup with Kimmel, who has some nice matchups. I think the Giants slaughter of the embarrassing Dolphins gives you the win.

4. Kumpf – CPP: 118.43 - Last Week: 6th
A blackmailing trade that I thought would end up being a backup QB swap ends up making my team very interesting. If Hillis can get his shit together, then my roster becomes much more formidable. If not, then between him, Jahvid, Santana, and the currently banged up Jennings, injury luck may push me out of the playoffs.

5. Autodraft – CPP: 116.20 - Last Week: 3rd
Your luck never ceases to amaze me. This week you won thanks to a pick 6 courtesy of the Colts in garbage time (which incidentally started in the second quarter of that game). I give you credit though, picking up and starting the Saints D was a smart move, so it wasn’t all luck. You do get the luck of playing Gutman in a week when byes strip you of Freeman and Jermichael. I think I speak for the rest of the league when I say that you should play with no QB just to see how lucky you really are, and how bad Gutman’s team really is.

6. Barnard – CPP: 115.29 - Last Week: 9th
Well you withstood Fred Jackson’s bye week, and escaped with a win despite 77 points. I still look at your team and abhor it, but I guess your monster RB trio is enough to win in this league. I was about to say you have as good a chance of beating Esco as anyone this week, but then I saw that you’re starting Alex Smith. Good luck with that one.

7. Joseph – CPP: 100.00 - Last Week: 2nd
I thought you had a chance to take down our perpetual #1 last week. Rodgers held up his end of the deal, Shonne Green and Boldin showed up, and even your kicker put up 15. But Jordy was held in check, CJ2K is apparently still holding out, and you decided to start Doug Baldwin, who’s only productive moment in his life was beating your Giants. Questionable roster decisions aside, you might actually have something with Marion Barber. The Bears are using him like the G-Men use Jacobs, so he has flex value in this league. Maybe not more than 2 chicken wings, but it’s still something.

8. Ajay – CPP: 95.64 - Last Week: 11th
How you possibly moved up three spots after that performance should be Exhibit A in why the CPP needs to be re-formulated, but a win is a win. I really wish the Ravens had settled for a field goal, the snap got botched, and Cundiff ended up losing a fumble, causing you to lose to Gutman. That probably would have been second only to the retroactive stat correction keeping Zacherman out of the playoffs two years ago, in terms of worst losses ever. Conventional wisdom says you should have no issues with Bennett this week, but then again it took you until the two minute warning of MNF to dispatch of Gutman last week. Crazier things have happened.

9. AGD – CPP: 91.43 - Last Week: 4th
Your team was hurt by byes and poor performances last week, but that shizz happens. We all enjoyed your annual email, and the blackmail strategy was a good one, but why turn down offers for Schaub and Fitzpatrick to help your QB situation, and accept the one you did? I think our former commissioner put it best:
Nick: Did you really just rip Belfer off in a trade after he blackmailed you to make a trade in his favor?

10. Weissbard – CPP: 86.03 - Last Week: 8th
God your team is terrible outside of Brady and Nicks. I believe Tashard Choice’s -2 is the lowest score by a starter this season, so congrats on that. And also congrats on getting to play me in what will be by far my weakest week. If you don’t beat me then you might want to consider autodrafting next year, I hear it usually turns out well.

11. Kimmel – CPP: 83.88 - Last Week: 10th
It’s weird, I find myself rooting for Kimmel to win every week. He just always seems to be matched up against a team I want to lose. Last week he was a Saints pick 6 away from taking down Donnie, and I found myself more upset that he lost, than happy that I won. This week is no different, as I would like nothing more than to see Mathews destroy Gates on MNF as Zacherman comes up with some absurd excuse why he got robbed of the win.

12. Alan – CPP: 78.94 – Last Week: 12th
I can’t remember another time where the bottom three teams stayed the same two weeks in a row. So keep up the good work guys. Alan, I still admire your efforts, as futile as they may be. As I mentioned in Esco’s section, leaving a lot of points on your bench is typically the reflection of a top team in our league. Well you are the exception to that rule. After Donnie and myself (combined record 11-3), you are third by leaving over 16 points per week on your bench. If you turned that around, you may have had a chance at the playoffs, but it might be too late for you this year.

13. Bennett – CPP: 66.36 – Last Week: 14th
You actually had a very respectable week with 90 points and an unlucky loss. But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about a revelation I had this past week. You really are Andre from The League. We mock your name, your profession, and even on the rare occasions when you have success, we find a way to turn it around on you. I can absolutely see an episode of The League coming up where Andre comes to everyone with a great deal on knockoff jerseys, only to get torn apart. The only thing we haven’t done is film a porno with Alan in your apartment. Or have we…

14. Gutman – CPP: 56.30 – Last Week: 13th
I love starting my workday with a GChat from Gutman saying “I hate fantasy football” or “Is my team worse than Bennett’s?” It’s up there with SportsCenter and the morning dump as the highlights of my day (Just Married quote right there, get on my level). I really want to think of a way that you can beat Donnie this week, and I think I came up with one: If the Patriots and Lions planes collide in mid-air on their flights. Even then, you’ll probably lose because Pettigrew died. I mean, you’re starting Curtis Painter and 2 TE’s, from the Bills and Lions. Have some pride.

Next week the Rankings will be extremely short or non-existent, as I move into my place in Austin a week from today and I won’t have internet until Friday. So there’s a chance they’ll be out over the weekend, but I will put up some sort of deliverable (travel blog?) next week.

It’s been fun Jersey, on to Texas.