Week 6 Rankings

As many of you have heard already, I will be moving to Austin, Texas in two weeks. This will affect the rankings in a few ways:

Pros: Because Tara is busy with law school, I’ll have more time to devote to these rankings outside of work, due to pure boredom among other things, and I hope to increase the functionality of the blog. Additionally, this opens up Austin as a more favorable draft location, and the New Orleans-Austin road trip becomes a definite for 2012. I also have 25 vacation days, which I’ll no longer be spending on my girlfriend, so I’ll be able to make all league meetings as long as I have enough notice.

Cons: The next two weeks will likely suffer because I have other shit to do to prepare for my move. After that, I have no idea what my work situation is going to be like, so the rankings may continue to suffer until I get my routine down.

If you don’t like those terms, I don’t care because it’s happening anyway.

Bitching About Kicking
QB – Rodgers 23, Gabbert 9 – Experts 107, Random 67
Difference per game of 8
RB – Foster 17, DMC 6 – Experts 74, Random 40
Difference per game of 6.8
WR – Calvin 19, Santonio 12 – Experts 82, Random 46
Difference per game of 7.2
TE – Graham 12, Olsen 8 – Experts 26, Random 26
Difference per game of 0
Kicker – Rackers 11, Vinatieri (Carpenter was on a bye) 8 – Experts 41, Random 36
Difference per game of 1
D/ST – Lions 7, Jets 5 – Experts 44, Random 54
Difference per game of -2
Lineups this week:
Experts: Rodgers, AP, Calvin, Graham, Rackers, Packers
Random: Campbell, DMC, Santana, Watson, Crosby, Pats

Week 6 Rankings

1. Esco – CPP: 158.25 – Last Week: 1st
Looks like you’re going to be getting comfortable up here. After Donnie finally lost last week, you stand alone as the last undefeated team. If you were playing half the teams in the league you would have gone down as well, but as it turned out Weissbard’s team forgot to show up. Those are the breaks you catch when you’re in first. This week you get my team, which shouldn’t be the one to dethrone you, but you are a little thin at receiver. Crazier things have happened but I see you staying here next week. And thank God, because if you lose…

2. Barnard – CPP: 143.42 – Last Week: 3rd
Good god Barnard cannot see first place in the CPP. Granted, the last time it happened was two years ago, and he promptly lost 7 straight and collapsed as bad as the Red Sox, but I still can’t stomach seeing him in first. As it stands I’ll be seeing him enough in person that I can’t have his team be successful. Which reminds me, everyone in this league is welcome to visit Austin whenever they want, however there is a hierarchy for who gets to crash on the couch. It goes Alan, then everyone else, then Barnard. Schedule your visits accordingly.

3. Kumpf – CPP: 126.22 – Last Week: 8th
For the first time I can remember, I have something clearly more important to do than write up these rankings. Will that stop me? We’ll see. Also I hate having my entire team besides the immortal Ed Dickson playing at 1pm. Even if I’m up 50 it won’t be enough. I get the bonus of having Daniel Thomas crush my upset bid against the Jets on MNF as the Fins drop closer to 0-16. I’m so glad I put $5 on “Will there be an 0-16 team?” at 30:1 during the preseason. Andrew Luck and a hundred fifty bucks makes it almost worth it.

4. Joseph – CPP: 124.90 – Last Week: 5th
The good news is you have the 4th most points in the league. The bad news is that you’re 2-3. But the somewhat good news is that puts you in the playoffs, if they started today. Honestly, just beating Donnie last week was enough to put you at #1 in my personal power rankings, but the numbers don’t lie. You should easily find .500 this week against Bennett, even if your WRs combine to put up 2 points again.

5. AGD – CPP: 118.35 – Last Week: 12th
I can’t figure out why you’re 2-3. I look at everyone’s team, and I think I might like yours the best. Obviously your QBs are a joke in real life, but they’ve done pretty well for you so far. I don’t think you have a clear area of improvement that needs to be addressed. And yet, sub-.500. The 505 points against explains part of it, but you’ve only broke 90 once. I think our teams have a similar problem, in that we have solid rosters, but will never blow people out of the water.

6. Autodraft – CPP: 117.31 – Last Week: 2nd
One week. I missed your team’s implosion by one fucking week. Your RB’s put up two combined points. Of course they did! They’re Stevan Ridley and Joseph Addai! I have to admit, when Megatron caught that 70-yard bomb on MNF, I thought you were gonna pull off the 38-point comeback. That’s how shit has worked for you the last year in this league. This week you get a streaking Ajay team who gets Miles Austin back. Is this when the tide finally starts to turn?

7. Ajay – CPP: 111.87 – Last Week: 10th
It’s pretty amazing that only 5 of our 14 teams are over .500. I don’t know what that says about the league or about this season, but it certainly gives Esco, Donaldson, and myself a big advantage in terms of making the playoffs. Ajay rounds out that over-.500 group and rightfully so. Thanks to McGahee’s resurgence, Ingram’s steady rise, and solid play at QB and WR, this is a team no one wants to play right now.

8. Zacherman – CPP: 110.19 – Last Week: 11th
If you win the championship, I’m not sure which you would rather get: the money, or the chance to say “I told you so” to everyone that doubted your trades. Okay, obviously it’s the money. But I’ve never seen someone so dead set on proving people wrong than you are with these trades. They look good after one week, I’ll say that. Whether they hold up remains to be seen.

9. Kimmel – CPP: 104.84 – Last Week: 6th
It always sucks losing after leading going into MNF. We’ve all been there. But I think your team has bigger issues. Looking at the production from your players last week, that’s really your best case scenario. And it was only 74 points. That’s not good. I know you lost Peyton and Britt, which is nearly impossible to bounce back from in this league, but I might try to trade one of my productive RBs for a WR that can give you something.

10. Alan – CPP: 97.61 – Last Week: 9th
You lost the annual Battle of the Brown, on MNF as well, which stings. Your team has a definite ceiling of about 85 points, and after that it’s really tough to imagine you hanging with anyone. So when your opponent drops 77, you need to take advantage. If I were you I’d be most pissed that Curtis Painter seems to only be banging Garcon and not Wayne (or Clark, much to my chagrin). On second thought, I’d be pissed that you gave up Andre to get Rivers, and then when you start him, you lose because of it. Or that you decided that Eric Decker and Jacoby Jones were worth starting over DeAngelo Williams. One of those reasons would get me pissed.

11. Weissbard – CPP: 91.65 – Last Week: 4th
God dammit Weissbard. You have to capitalize when a first place team lays an egg. Your team played so terribly, that I’ll let you sum it up in your own words:

Dan: it was embarassing
i think the worst i've had in my fantasy career
which says a lot considering my week 1

as well as

Dan: besides the fact that my team is awful this week
jacobs and blount both might not play
which already are mediocre at best players
so the fact that i'm hurting by them not playing pretty much describes my team

12. Gutman – CPP: 87.93 – Last Week: 14th
91 points! That’s awesome! Keep up the good work!
Seriously though, if we had played, we would have tied. So there’s that. Unfortunately you ran into the Nard Dog’s three-headed monster of AP, Fred Jackson and D-Bowe. If I were you I would start Painter the rest of the season, just to see who can win a game with him first, you or the Colts. I’ll take Colts -110 on that one.

13. Billy – CPP: 80.29 – Last Week: 7th
When I said that Arian and Brees could carry you to the playoffs, I thought you understood that it was implied that they would need help. Last week they put up 38 points combined, which is solid. No one else on your team broke 4. 4! That needs to change. Also, I’m going to be in New Orleans on Halloween and the day after. Not sure if you’re around, but let me know.

14. Bennett – CPP: 78.64 – Last Week: 13th
Everyone here knows I love the Home Alone movie franchise. And while Home Alone 2 is the superior movie, the first one laid the ground work. It also contained a quote that I think of every time I hear your name or look at your team. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTJ7t-pWc_0. Although it does use my name, I think it specifically applies to you, including your lame reaction of “Shut up.”