Typically in this space, I hand out the few remaining Consolation Prizes, unveil the final CPP Rankings, and give a preview of the first round of the playoffs. But due to the 7 teams that were eliminated last week, I just can't think of that many even marginally amusing prizes, so we're going to skip the Consolation Prizes.
Well except for one...
Kimmel - After starting the season with 6 straight losses, it appeared that you were doomed to follow your namesake down the road of disaster. But through shrewd trading (read: Trading with Weissbard) and patience, you came within a few points of making the playoffs. Congrats on a nice, if ill-fated comeback, and for that your Consolation Prize is to regain your name. We've all spent this entire season calling you Kimmel, and every time I do these rankings, I picture the actual Kimmel, but that is no more. I wouldn't blame you for keeping the team name, as that's a nice homage to our balding former league-member, but I will now be calling you Levine.
Final 2013 CPP Rankings:
1. Esco - CPP: 366.94, Last Week: 1st
2. Buttholes - CPP: 322.45, Last Week: 2nd
3. Levine - CPP: 301.53, Last Week: 3rd
4. Weissbard - CPP: 294.10, Last Week: 5th
5. Joseph - CPP: 293.12, Last Week: 6th
6. Gutman - CPP: 277.63, Last Week: 4th
7. Ajay - CPP: 269.98, Last Week: 11th
8. Kumpf - CPP: 269.84, Last Week: 7th
9. Bennett - CPP: 261.69, Last Week: 12th
10. Zacherman - CPP: 253.00, Last Week: 8th
11. Donny - CPP: 251.07, Last Week: 10th
12. BAM - CPP: 248.07, Last Week: 9th
13. Barnard - CPP: 240.70, Last Week: 13th
And the James Barnard Memorial Last Place CPP Award goes to...
14. Alan - CPP: 220.87, Last Week: 14th
Alan's FALAFEL season low of 45.9 helped him clinch an award that went to Billy last year, Bennett in 2011, Long in 2010 and Barnard himself in our inaugural 2009 season.
Quarterfinal Preview
Matchup 1: Donny vs. Weissbard
This one is ugly. With starters like Matt Ryan, Pierre Thomas, Lamar Miller, Rueben Randle, Brain Hartline and Emmanuel Sanders, this matchup just screams of mediocrity. ESPN is shockingly favoring Donny by more than 16 points, and I guess I see why. He's got plus-matchups outside of his RBs, but mostly, Weissbard's team just isn't very good. I might go a little more in depth with other matchups, but this one really isn't worth my time.
Verdict: Donny by 20+
Matchup 2: Barnard vs. BAM
Jesus, this isn't much better. There is more overall talent, but neither of these teams are really a threat to win the Chef's coat, which obviously means that we have only 2 good teams in this league. It was a weird fantasy year, but the lack of even solid teams in this league is truly...well either amazing or embarrassing, I can't decide which.
As for this matchup, ESPN has Barnard as a 1-point favorite, and looking at BAM's receivers, I can't say I disagree. With Steven Jackson Steven seemingly finding his stride, and Calvin a sure bet for 200+ yards against the Philly secondary, I like his team more now than at any other point this year. I have a feeling that this will be a relatively low-scoring matchup, but it's hard to bet against Calvin right now...at least until next week.
Verdict: Barnard by 12
The real playoffs start next week.
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