Semi-Final Preview

Considering I was 0 for 2 last week in my haphazard picks, it's time to examine things a little more closely this week. But before I do that, we need to say goodbye to two of our luckiest playoff teams in recent memory.

Barnard - It's fitting that the first time all year that your team looked somewhat acceptable, your season immediately ends. Over the course of the season, you amassed exactly one no-doubt starter, and while Calvin is truly transcendent, he needs a supporting cast. Obviously S-Jax was injured, as were all of Brady's weapons, but I have a hard time remembering how you spent $200 on this roster. Next year you need to just watch a couple SportsCenters and remember that there are more teams in the league than the one who gets absurd game-changing PI calls in their favor every week.

Donny - Your matchup vs. Weiss was all about consistency vs. boom/bust. The good news was that you put up nearly your highest point total of the season, despite getting jack shit from 3 of your starters and your DST. The bad news is that Weiss had one of his good weeks, and in his good weeks, he's nearly unbeatable. Regardless, you had a nice bounce-back year and got me to change the way I spell your name.

Semi-Final Preview

Matchup 1: Buttholes vs. BAM

Quarterbacks:
This was supposed to be the week that the Josh Gordon trade paid off for the Buttholes. Instead, they have to trot out Kaepernick, who has looked good as of late. Unfortunately, he's going up against the player whom he will be compared against for the rest of his career. And even more unfortunately, that player gets to feast on the G-Men.
Edge: BAM

Runningbacks: 
If Peterson plays, this becomes a discussion, but right now that's looking unlikely. BAM drafted their duo and didn't trade them for WR help, for better or worse. It was for better last week, and looks to be so again this week.
Edge: BAM

Wide Receivers/TE:
The Buttholes obviously own the receiver part of this position grouping, but BAM makes up at least a little ground in the TE world. Maybe the biggest thing that VD offers BAM is the ability to counteract some of Kaepernick's points. Other than that, it's all Butthole.
Big Edge: Buttholes

Defense:
As is stands right now, the two defenses are the Packers and the Bills, who have each let up 61 points in their last two games. Buffalo does get Jacksonville this week, but that doesn't mean what it did two months ago. I've already discussed this enough.
Slight Edge: BAM

Discussion:
Surprisingly, BAM owns the positional edge in three of the four categories. But it's that other category that will determine this matchup. I can see BAM holding a 10 point edge heading into SNF, but that's where the receiver edge truly takes hold, and I expect AJ Green to lead the Buttholes to a come-from-behind victory, and there's nothing Reap and Belfer like more than coming from behind with each other.
Verdict: Buttholes by less than 10.


Matchup 2: Esco vs. Weissbard

Quarterbacks: 
I got no beef with Cam, but on Sunday Peyton's gonna cut that meat.
Edge: Weissbard

Runningbacks:
I'd put Forte and Murray pretty even for this week, and I might even rank Murray slightly higher given his recent explosions. However outside of that it's Fred Jackson and Ryan Mathews vs. Pierre Thomas. Even Weissbard would make that trade.
Edge: Esco

Wide Receivers/TE:
My only question here is how this even happened to Weissbard's receiving corps? Just no one that I would be remotely comfortable relying on in the FALAFEL Semi-Finals. I'd call the TE matchup even, but it likely won't matter.
Huge Edge: Esco

Defense:
These two defenses are surprisingly two of the best in the league, both reality and fantasy. The Chiefs remind me a lot of the Bears D last year, where they made a good Joseph team look great, but instead they're making a terrible Wessibard team look decent. If I remember correctly, the Bears failed Nick in the playoffs last year, and I have a feeling the Chiefs let you down this week, after putting up 25 last week. But that doesn't mean you don't still have the edge here over a Honey Badger-less Cards D.
Edge: Weissbard

Discussion:
We'll obviously know a lot more about this matchup after the TNF matchup. If Manning throws 4 TDs, with none to Demaryius, then I think Weiss can make a game of it. But with Welker out, I don't think that happens. Weiss gets the last player in the matchup though, so he'll be rooting for a big day from Emmanuel Sanders. Doesn't that sentence make my decision for me?
Verdict: Esco in a blowout.

Next week: the 5th Annual Stevens Bowl Preview!