Last year after 11 weeks, 12 of the 14 teams were 5-6 or better, still with a chance at the playoffs. This year that number is down to 10, and teams with a realistic shot at the playoffs is down to 8 (sorry Z and Weissbard). So it’s not going to be as dramatic as last year, but we’re also not going to have a team as pathetic as Barnard’s was last year make the playoffs thanks to dumb luck.
We have some big matchups these last two weeks that will determine the fate of our league, but I’ll get into that later.
Bitching About Kicking
After taking a week off, here’s where we stand.
QB – Rodgers 24, McCoy 12 – Experts 250, Random 150
Difference per game of 9.09
RB – AP 8, Michael Bush 16 – Experts 168, Random 91
Difference per game of 7
WR – Calvin 8, Smith 1.0 12 – Experts 152, Random 101
Difference per game of 4.64
TE – Gronk 21, Pettigrew 9 – Experts 89, Random 61
Difference per game of 2.55
Kicker – Akers 12, Janikowski 9 – Experts 87, Random 67
Difference per game of 1.82
Defense – 49ers 16, Falcons 4 – Experts 97, Random 111
Difference per game of -1.27
Through 12 weeks the experts have picked:
4 different #1 QBs
3 different #1 RBs
3 different #1 WRs
4 different #1 TEs
8 different #1 Kickers
5 different #1 Defenses
Week 12 Rankings
This week’s rankings will take a look at where each team stands now, what their last 2 games entail, and whether they will be in our out of the playoffs. We also have our first installment of consolation prizes to give out, so it’s an exciting week for everyone.
1. Esco – CPP: 288.18 – Last Week: 1st
Record: 9-2
Schedule: vs. Gutman, vs. Zacherman
In or Out? Esco has already clinched the playoffs, and is playing for a bye and the regular season prize. If (when) he beats Gutman this week, he will clinch all of that, and has a decision to make: Does he sit players in Week 17 to give Zacherman a chance at the playoffs and potentially knock out AGD? With Z’s team getting healthy I wouldn’t want him around. IN
2. Joseph – CPP: 271.67 – Last Week: 2nd
Record: 5-6
Schedule: vs. Kumpf, vs. Kimmel
In or Out? His terrible luck aside, Joseph has a legit chance to make the playoffs. He needs to win out (obviously), and have either 1) AGD lose both their matchups or 2) Barnard beat Ajay and Ajay beat me. Considering my injury-depleted roster and AGD’s less than easy schedule, that’s not too far-fetched. IN
3. Kumpf – CPP: 260.61 – Last Week: 5th
Record: 7-4
Schedule: vs. Joseph, vs. Ajay
In or Out? I’m less than pleased with my schedule these last two weeks, but at least I control my own destiny. The Matt Leinart Experience starts this week, and if he is serviceable at QB, I should be able to win one of these matchups. One of the biggest shockers for me this year is “Week 10” replacing “Dogma” as my number one reason to love Kevin Smith. IN
4. Barnard – CPP: 253.63 – Last Week: 4th
Record: 7-4
Schedule: vs. Ajay, vs. Alan
In or Out? You hold Ajay’s fate in your hands this week, though you may not be at full strength. If AP and/or Freddy can’t go, your roster gets real thin real fast. I repeatedly told you to make a trade, but you continued to believe Deion Branch is a starter. Luckily for you, even if Ajay gets past you this week, you face Alan in Week 13. While he may have 5 years’ worth of pent up rage ready to unleash on you, I don’t think this is the time or place. IN
5. Billy – CPP: 251.75 – Last Week: 3rd
Record: 8-3
Schedule: vs. Kimmel, vs. Donnie
In or Out? If Aaron Hernandez holds onto that ball and the other TD doesn’t get called back, you’re sitting down at 7-4 with Barnard, AGD and myself. Instead, you have the inside track at a bye, and represent the only possible threat to Esco’s regular season title hunt. With your schedule, you still should hit 10 wins, which is always nice. IN
6. Zacherman – CPP: 243.90 – Last Week: 6th
Record: 5-6
Schedule: vs. AGD, vs. Esco
In or Out? First of all, I just want everyone to notice how the top 6 teams stayed the same in the new CPP, with some order shifting. Consistency, that’s what we’re going for. As for Zacherman, it has to suck that McCluster couldn’t muster one more rushing yard and one more receiving yard. Fractional points should be in effect next year, to reward every yard, not just the arbitrary 10-yard milestones. The only real way you can make the playoffs is if I beat Joseph, Barnard beats Ajay, Ajay beats me, and you win out, or if AGD loses out, Joseph loses at least one, and you win out. Not impossible, but not likely. OUT
7. AGD – CPP: 231.23 – Last Week: 7th
Record: 7-4
Schedule: vs. Zacherman, vs. Weissbard
In or Out? You may have noticed that I have already listed 5 teams as IN, and we haven’t gotten to Donnie yet. That doesn’t bode well for you. The way I see it, something crazy is going to go down this week, and either my team or your team won’t make the playoffs. You face Zacherman, who gets Andre back this week, and I spend countless hours writing these rankings every week. If it comes down to me or you two, I chose me every time and thrice on Thanksgiving. OUT
8. Kimmel – CPP: 215.18 – Last Week: 8th
Record: 3-8
Schedule: vs. Billy, vs. Joseph
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prize: This neck massager. Maybe if Peyton had used this a little more, he would have been worth the $28 you spent on him. At least you get the chance to play spoiler two weeks in a row, first to Billy’s bye chances, and then to Nick’s playoff dreams.
9. Weissbard – CPP: 204.68 – Last Week: 10th
Record: 5-6
Schedule: vs. Donnie, vs. AGD
In or Out? There should be a rule that any team that loses to Gutman can’t make the playoffs, but here you are, still with a chance. Your scenarios are basically the same as Zacherman’s, but you also have about 60 points to make up on me and AGD. With your team anything is possible, but I don’t see that happening. OUT
11. Ajay – CPP: 199.99 – Last Week: 12th
Record: 6-5
Schedule: vs. Barnard, vs. Kumpf
In or Out? If only your Points Scored wasn’t so pathetically low, you would basically control your own destiny. As it stands, you need to be a game ahead of one of the current 7-4 teams to have a chance. So not only do you need to win out, but you need either Barnard or myself to lose our other matchup or AGD to lose out. I think you’ll have a tough enough time getting past us. OUT
10. Autodraft – CPP: 198.27 – Last Week: 9th
Record: 8-3
Schedule: vs. Weissbard, vs. Billy
In or Out? There is a distinct chance you will be playing Billy in Week 13 for the right to have a bye. I know the rest of the playoff hopefuls are either dying to face you because your team has scored 83 or less in 7 of 11 weeks, or scared to death to face you because you’ve won while scoring 90 or less 5 times and your luck is absurd. Even if you start Curtis Brinkley next week you’ll be in the playoffs and the regular season title is still a possibility. IN
12. Bennett – CPP: 181.06 – Last Week: 11th
Record: 1-10
Schedule: vs. Alan, vs. Gutman
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prize: I’ve thought long and hard about this. To commemorate you dropping your 10th straight week, partly due to not setting your lineup and being forced to start 3 members of Tyler Palko’s high-octane Chiefs offense, your prize is a framed picture of this. If you don’t start sending some emails the Kick Out Bennett movement will start to gain steam.
13. Alan – CPP: 174.16 – Last Week: 13th
Record: 3-8
Schedule: vs. Bennett, vs. Barnard
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prizes: That’s right Alan, you get two prizes. First, is hopefully a new job. And not one in Minnesota, where Barnard was pushing you just so he would have an excuse to visit once and see if it’s lamer than New Hampshire. The second is the chance to knock Barnard out of the playoffs if he loses to Ajay this week. Yes, the man who once told you he had no respect for you to your face. It’s a golden opportunity, so you better take advantage. I still say you learn something from John F-O-X and start Tebow.
14. Gutman – CPP: 171.78 – Last Week: 14th
Record: 3-8
Schedule: vs. Esco, vs. Bennett
In or Out? ELIMINATED
Consolation Prize: In honor of the summer I assume you spent at the Second Mile’s Little Lions camp, one of these dolls.
Congrats on your third win.
Happy Thanksgiving Henry.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Week 11 Rankings
Sorry for the delay folks, but hopefully it will be worth it.
There are two reasons the rankings are late this week. One of them should be exciting for everyone. The other is only exciting to me.
The main reason is that I spent most of my free time this week revamping the CPP to make them more accurate reflections of the skill level being displayed in the league. I'll discuss this in more depth in the rankings section, but that is my legit excuse.
The bullshit excuse is that I started my new job, and have less free time than I'm used to. It's exciting for me because I can wear shorts and flip-flops to work, the fridges are always stocked with beer, the desk next to me is a functioning bar, today someone said "I'm running to Toys R Us, anyone want anything?," and they have Nerf wars. The biggest (only?) downside is the desk structure, which makes it difficult to spend the requisite time on these rankings. I'm assuming I'll be able to get them done outside of work, but my motivation level drops considerably when I leave work, and that's saying something. So we'll see how this goes.
Bitching About Kicking
We'll be taking a break from everyone's favorite section this week, as I spent enough time fucking around in Excel on the new CPP that I couldn't stand to open up my Kickers file. Next week will cover Weeks 10 and 11.
Week 11 Rankings
The CPP was flawed. Everyone knew it, including myself and Gutman. It relied too heavily on subjective factors, my own bias, and mainly Yahoo! projections. Well those are all gone now. The new CPP focuses only on things the owner can control, and provides a more sabermetric look at the Rankings.
The biggest change is that Gutman is out. Much like Zuckerberg kicked that Spanish dude out of Facebook once the company got too big, I'm giving Gutguy the boot. Hopefully an Asian chick will light a fire on your hotel room bed or something. In the movie, Zuckerberg chose Timberlake over his best friend, which cost him a friendship, but led him to billions. Well Billy is my Timberlake. His mid-season rankings took a different look at the league, and I have incorporated some of those things into the new ranking measure.
Here are the main facets of the new CPP:
Adjusted Points Per Game: This takes your total points scored, eliminates your highest and lowest scoring week, and then divides by games played minus 2. This rewards consistency, and takes outlier perfomances, both positive and negative, out of the picture.
Difference Between Actual and Optimal Lineup Per Game: Self-explanatory. Rewards teams who play their optimal lineup or come close.
Total Games Missed by Injured Starters: An owner has no control over his team's injuries. Granted, some players are more injury-prone than others, but for the most part injuries are random. This stat is not perfect, and does not include injured players who got dropped. So Kimmel drafting Peyton only affected his CPP for the weeks he had Manning on his roster. It also only includes clear starters, so Donnie not having Joseph Addai for a few weeks does not matter, as Addai is not a clear starting RB.
Transactions: Rewards owners who take an active approach to their team. Trades are worth three times as much as player adds, because they make the league more fun, even if they may hurt an owner's team.
Weekly Rank: First place for a week gets 14 points, last place gets 1 point. Rank is summed up over the season so far.
Actual Wins: Matchups are determined at random, so weeks when you finish in the top 7, you get an actual win. This is heavily weighted, as we are a head-to-head league, so weekly performance matters.
For this weeks ranking, I'll give reasons why teams fall where they do. If you don't like it, come up with your own ranking system.
1. Esco - CPP: 267.76 - Last Week: 2nd
Why?: Why not? Great roster management, high-scoring team, 7 actual wins. The only thing working "against" you is that you've only had 1 starter miss a game.
2. Joseph - CPP: 257.29 - Last Week: 9th
Why?: Your insanely bad luck in weekly play does not matter to the new CPP. You have the highest Adjust Points Per Game, good roster management, and oh yeah Aaron Rodgers. You have only had 1 starter miss a game as well, but knowing you the injury bug will bite soon.
3. Billy - CPP: 255.90 - Last Week: 1st
Why?: You are tied for the league lead with 8 actual wins. You've also had 4 starters miss a game, which means you've had worse lineup luck than any of the other top 4 teams. This is a dangerous team.
4. Barnard - CPP: 254.31 - Last Week: 4th
Why? Also tied with 8 wins, you have the worst roster management of the top 4 teams. You are also one of only 4 teams who hasn't made a trade, despite your obvious strength at RB and weakness at WR and QB. That might come back to bite you.
5. Kumpf - CPP: 239.11 - Last Week: 8th
Why? Because I made this ranking system. My roster management has been shitty, but a whopping 8 starter injuries (not even including losing Schaub) puts me as the third most injured team in the league. Hopefully the trade with Esco rights my ship, because otherwise I'm missing the playoffs.
6. Zacherman - CPP: 232.96 - Last Week: 6th
Why? You lead the league with an astounding 15 starter injuries, but some of that is self-inflicted. You traded for Andre knowing full well that he would be out at least a month. That was a smart move at the time, provided your team could afford to drop a few and still make the playoffs. At this point I'm not so sure.
7. AGD - CPP: 226.54 - Last Week: 5th
Why? This is just a solid team. Nothing really stands out. Good roster management, more injuries than average, a couple trades. This team's fate will be decided by a few lucky bounces for or against them.
8. Kimmel - CPP: 201.20 - Last Week: 11th
Why? Injuries mainly. The new CPP officially gives you 10 injured starters, but theoretically that number should increase by two every week due to Britt and Peyton. The only reason I don't include them is because they aren't on your roster, so they're not hurting your ability to be competitive by clogging a roster spot.
9. Autodraft - CPP: 196.39 - Last Week: 3rd
Why? 8th in Adjusted PPG, second worst roster management, no injured starters, only 6 pickups, and 5 actual wins. The new CPP has no respect for this team. And neither do I.
10. Weissbard - CPP: 191.67 - Last Week: 7th
Why? The new CPP rewards consistency, and this team has been the antithesis of that. The difference between your highest and lowest scoring weeks is 94. That is absurd.
11. Bennett - CPP: 181.40 - Last Week: 14th
Why? I don't know. For some reason the new CPP has an ounce of respect for you, which I do not. I get the pleasure of trying to hand you a 10th straight loss this week, and even with my injury-riddled team I look forward to seeing double digits in the streak column for you.
12. Ajay - CPP: 178.89 - Last Week: 12th
Why? Because you don't score many points. Injuries have hurt, but you have been the luckiest team other than Donnie so far. You really have no business being .500, but there you sit, on the verge of playoff contention.
13. Alan - CPP: 174.4 - Last Week: 10th
Why? Because you can't manage your roster. I discussed it earlier in the year, but a team as shitty as yours should only be leaving about 5 points on the bench a week. Instead you sit at 16.6, leading the league for the second time in three years. The first time you won it all, but history will not repeat itself this year.
14. Gutman - CPP: 148.13 - Last Week: 13th
Why? Because your team is terrible. I know that kicking you out of the CPP Committee now is harsh, especially given the events of the last few weeks. But I have some news that will cheer you up. Hollywood just announced that they are combining two old Schwarzenegger movies for a remake: Kindergarten Predator, starring Jerry Sandusky.
There are two reasons the rankings are late this week. One of them should be exciting for everyone. The other is only exciting to me.
The main reason is that I spent most of my free time this week revamping the CPP to make them more accurate reflections of the skill level being displayed in the league. I'll discuss this in more depth in the rankings section, but that is my legit excuse.
The bullshit excuse is that I started my new job, and have less free time than I'm used to. It's exciting for me because I can wear shorts and flip-flops to work, the fridges are always stocked with beer, the desk next to me is a functioning bar, today someone said "I'm running to Toys R Us, anyone want anything?," and they have Nerf wars. The biggest (only?) downside is the desk structure, which makes it difficult to spend the requisite time on these rankings. I'm assuming I'll be able to get them done outside of work, but my motivation level drops considerably when I leave work, and that's saying something. So we'll see how this goes.
Bitching About Kicking
We'll be taking a break from everyone's favorite section this week, as I spent enough time fucking around in Excel on the new CPP that I couldn't stand to open up my Kickers file. Next week will cover Weeks 10 and 11.
Week 11 Rankings
The CPP was flawed. Everyone knew it, including myself and Gutman. It relied too heavily on subjective factors, my own bias, and mainly Yahoo! projections. Well those are all gone now. The new CPP focuses only on things the owner can control, and provides a more sabermetric look at the Rankings.
The biggest change is that Gutman is out. Much like Zuckerberg kicked that Spanish dude out of Facebook once the company got too big, I'm giving Gutguy the boot. Hopefully an Asian chick will light a fire on your hotel room bed or something. In the movie, Zuckerberg chose Timberlake over his best friend, which cost him a friendship, but led him to billions. Well Billy is my Timberlake. His mid-season rankings took a different look at the league, and I have incorporated some of those things into the new ranking measure.
Here are the main facets of the new CPP:
Adjusted Points Per Game: This takes your total points scored, eliminates your highest and lowest scoring week, and then divides by games played minus 2. This rewards consistency, and takes outlier perfomances, both positive and negative, out of the picture.
Difference Between Actual and Optimal Lineup Per Game: Self-explanatory. Rewards teams who play their optimal lineup or come close.
Total Games Missed by Injured Starters: An owner has no control over his team's injuries. Granted, some players are more injury-prone than others, but for the most part injuries are random. This stat is not perfect, and does not include injured players who got dropped. So Kimmel drafting Peyton only affected his CPP for the weeks he had Manning on his roster. It also only includes clear starters, so Donnie not having Joseph Addai for a few weeks does not matter, as Addai is not a clear starting RB.
Transactions: Rewards owners who take an active approach to their team. Trades are worth three times as much as player adds, because they make the league more fun, even if they may hurt an owner's team.
Weekly Rank: First place for a week gets 14 points, last place gets 1 point. Rank is summed up over the season so far.
Actual Wins: Matchups are determined at random, so weeks when you finish in the top 7, you get an actual win. This is heavily weighted, as we are a head-to-head league, so weekly performance matters.
For this weeks ranking, I'll give reasons why teams fall where they do. If you don't like it, come up with your own ranking system.
1. Esco - CPP: 267.76 - Last Week: 2nd
Why?: Why not? Great roster management, high-scoring team, 7 actual wins. The only thing working "against" you is that you've only had 1 starter miss a game.
2. Joseph - CPP: 257.29 - Last Week: 9th
Why?: Your insanely bad luck in weekly play does not matter to the new CPP. You have the highest Adjust Points Per Game, good roster management, and oh yeah Aaron Rodgers. You have only had 1 starter miss a game as well, but knowing you the injury bug will bite soon.
3. Billy - CPP: 255.90 - Last Week: 1st
Why?: You are tied for the league lead with 8 actual wins. You've also had 4 starters miss a game, which means you've had worse lineup luck than any of the other top 4 teams. This is a dangerous team.
4. Barnard - CPP: 254.31 - Last Week: 4th
Why? Also tied with 8 wins, you have the worst roster management of the top 4 teams. You are also one of only 4 teams who hasn't made a trade, despite your obvious strength at RB and weakness at WR and QB. That might come back to bite you.
5. Kumpf - CPP: 239.11 - Last Week: 8th
Why? Because I made this ranking system. My roster management has been shitty, but a whopping 8 starter injuries (not even including losing Schaub) puts me as the third most injured team in the league. Hopefully the trade with Esco rights my ship, because otherwise I'm missing the playoffs.
6. Zacherman - CPP: 232.96 - Last Week: 6th
Why? You lead the league with an astounding 15 starter injuries, but some of that is self-inflicted. You traded for Andre knowing full well that he would be out at least a month. That was a smart move at the time, provided your team could afford to drop a few and still make the playoffs. At this point I'm not so sure.
7. AGD - CPP: 226.54 - Last Week: 5th
Why? This is just a solid team. Nothing really stands out. Good roster management, more injuries than average, a couple trades. This team's fate will be decided by a few lucky bounces for or against them.
8. Kimmel - CPP: 201.20 - Last Week: 11th
Why? Injuries mainly. The new CPP officially gives you 10 injured starters, but theoretically that number should increase by two every week due to Britt and Peyton. The only reason I don't include them is because they aren't on your roster, so they're not hurting your ability to be competitive by clogging a roster spot.
9. Autodraft - CPP: 196.39 - Last Week: 3rd
Why? 8th in Adjusted PPG, second worst roster management, no injured starters, only 6 pickups, and 5 actual wins. The new CPP has no respect for this team. And neither do I.
10. Weissbard - CPP: 191.67 - Last Week: 7th
Why? The new CPP rewards consistency, and this team has been the antithesis of that. The difference between your highest and lowest scoring weeks is 94. That is absurd.
11. Bennett - CPP: 181.40 - Last Week: 14th
Why? I don't know. For some reason the new CPP has an ounce of respect for you, which I do not. I get the pleasure of trying to hand you a 10th straight loss this week, and even with my injury-riddled team I look forward to seeing double digits in the streak column for you.
12. Ajay - CPP: 178.89 - Last Week: 12th
Why? Because you don't score many points. Injuries have hurt, but you have been the luckiest team other than Donnie so far. You really have no business being .500, but there you sit, on the verge of playoff contention.
13. Alan - CPP: 174.4 - Last Week: 10th
Why? Because you can't manage your roster. I discussed it earlier in the year, but a team as shitty as yours should only be leaving about 5 points on the bench a week. Instead you sit at 16.6, leading the league for the second time in three years. The first time you won it all, but history will not repeat itself this year.
14. Gutman - CPP: 148.13 - Last Week: 13th
Why? Because your team is terrible. I know that kicking you out of the CPP Committee now is harsh, especially given the events of the last few weeks. But I have some news that will cheer you up. Hollywood just announced that they are combining two old Schwarzenegger movies for a remake: Kindergarten Predator, starring Jerry Sandusky.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Week 10 Rankings
And we’re back!
Apologies for the lack of rankings last week, moving halfway across the country was a bit more involved than I had initially thought. Since the last rankings, we’ve seen our lone undefeated team fall (twice), three teams change their names, and the league break into haves and have-nots. With four more regular season weeks, only 4 of our 14 teams sit within a game of .500. That leaves us with 5 teams on the fast track to the playoffs, and 5 teams who are dreaming about next year.
One of those teams is manned by my CPP counterpart and FALAFEL Draft Planner, Mr. Adam Gutman. While Gutguy has had a rough week with the Eagles losing, his team scoring a measly 58 points, and Penn State turning from Linebacker U to a national black eye, I think we need to start planning next year’s draft. I know a few locations have been thrown around, like Chicago, Miami or Austin, but I think the front-runner should be New Orleans. On my road trip I was there for Halloween, and it was unreal. Granted, like 10 people were shot on Bourbon Street shortly after I left, I still think it would be an amazing spot. Billy clearly knows more than I do, and has been outspoken for NOLA all year, but I think these talks should start soon.
Bitching About Kicking
Words can’t express how happy I am that Nick lost to Alan by 1 point thanks to Robbie Gould throwing up 14 on MNF. You can’t script something better than that. Ironically enough, I broke my own rule and was carrying two kickers last week (to my own detriment). Let’s check the updated stats on which positions are “predictable” and which ones are not.
QB – Rodgers 30, Rodgers 30 – Experts 198, Random 122
Difference per game of 8.44
RB – Arian 20, Law Firm 6 – Experts 130, Random 71
Difference per game of 6.56
WR – Jennings 10, Lloyd 8 – Experts138 , Random 63
Difference per game of 8.33
TE – Graham 7, Jared Cook 2 – Experts 65, Random 46
Difference per game of 2.11
K – Dan Bailey 12, Matt Bryant 7 – Experts 66, Random 54
Difference per game of 1.33
DEF – Ravens 6, Falcons 13 – Experts 80, Random 96
Difference per game of -1.78
Week 10 Rankings
This week will be yet another gimmick, but one that could help determine who wins the league. With the trade deadline coming up on November 19th, this is the Second Annual Mock Trade Rankings!
1. Billy – CPP: 141.17 - Two Weeks Ago: 2nd
No one in the league is enjoying as much of a hot streak as Billy. A healthy Arian, rejuvenated Reggie, and the always excellent Brees have this team thinking playoffs. We have an interesting matchup this week, and if it comes down to my Packers vs. your Viking on MNF, I think I put an end to your streak.
Needs: #1 WR, RB depth (I’m not buying Bush or LT)
Has: WR depth
2. Esco – CPP: 139.92 - Two Weeks Ago: 1st
As much as Billy has succeeded without the rankings, Esco has failed. Without me building him up for the last two weeks, his self-esteem (and his team’s performance) has suffered. Oddly enough, last week in your rankings spot I was going to put a link to the audio of “Down goes Frazier!” But at this point I think that would be like me linking a video of Barnard blowing little boys in the Penn State shower. This week you get an Alan team coming off an impressive, yet lucky, win over Nick. If we’ve learned anything in this league, it’s that you can never look past a Masand team.
Needs: WR depth
Has: QB and RB depth
3. Autodraft – CPP: 131.96 - Two Weeks Ago: 5th
Of course you upset Esco due to Ben Things I Tate About You. Two weeks ago, I thought your luck was turning, but you’ve proven again and again that you will not be denied. You have an interesting dilemma this week. If Bradshaw plays, the G-Men have a much better chance of beating the Niners, but if he doesn’t play, you have a much better chance of beating Z. Somehow I think you’ll end up beating Z without Bradshaw as Eli defies logic and plays well again.
Needs: RB, QB upgrade
Has: WR, TE
4. Barnard – CPP: 130.07 - Two Weeks Ago: 6th
Well you beat me once again. I really don’t see a championship team with you, but it’s definitely a playoff team. You may be in the best position to make a trade of anyone, with your depth at RB. The question is, is it worth it to break up the AP/FJax/SJax trio in order to upgrade your QB or WRs.
Needs: WR, QB upgrade
Has: RB
5. AGD – CPP: 128.92 - Two Weeks Ago: 9th
One week after our trade, it looked like a waste of time. Hillis and Tolbert didn’t play, and Cadillac was immediately cut from my squad. Two weeks after our trade, it looks like you got the best of me. Hillis is out indefinitely, Mathews is a bitch, and Tolbert looks healthy and hungry. I think this team makes the playoffs.
Needs: WR upgrade, TE
Has: RB
6. Zacherman – CPP: 125.77 - Two Weeks Ago: 3rd
After 4 straight wins, Z got robbed by Torrey Smith’s big game. No one is shedding any tears, and the upcoming schedule looks like Z will have a hard time getting into the playoffs. Your future success or failure will likely come down to the health of Bradshaw and Andre, neither of which I’d be willing to stake my season on.
Needs: His team to get healthy, RB depth
Has: WR depth
7. Weissbard – CPP: 120.62 - Two Weeks Ago: 10th
We’ll see how much the name change helps you. After a thrilling upset of Zacherman, you sit as the only 4-5 team in the league. The upcoming schedule is fairly easy for you, so 7-6 is absolutely within reach. The question is, will that be enough for the playoffs?
Needs: RB upgrade
Has: Two top WRs
8. Kumpf – CPP: 115.12 - Two Weeks Ago: 4th
I currently sit fourth in the standings at 6-3. My three losses are to the teams ranked 1-3. If I lose to Billy, I’ll likely fall to fifth, having lost only to the top 4 teams. I have no idea what my team’s true rank is, but I do know that a Best/Hillis combo sounds a lot better than Keiland Williams/Chris Ivory.
Needs: My team to get healthy, WR depth
Has: RB depth (if they ‘re healthy)
9. Joseph – CPP: 109.67 - Two Weeks Ago: 7th
I know you’re well aware of this, but let me point it out to the rest of the league: Nick has the third most points of anyone in the league, yet sits at 3-6, and will need a miracle to make the playoffs. There are a few possible reasons for this. Maybe it’s your hilarious yet wildly offensive new team name. Maybe it’s because you put us in commissioner purgatory by stepping down. Or maybe it’s just bad luck. Either way, you’re probably the only Rodgers-led team in the world who won’t make the playoffs.
Needs: A top WR
Has: RB depth
10. Alan – CPP: 102.62 - Two Weeks Ago: 12th
Alan pulls off an improbable win thanks to his kicker and multiple Saints RBs. Say what you will about the trades he’s made thus far (and I have), but the Muffin Man will not stop trying. One player I want you to trade is Tebow. You would never start him over Rivers (provided last week means he has righted the ship), but he would be an interesting option for a team like Barnard’s or Donnie’s. I just love having Tebow in the NFL and it’s about time he got some PT in the FALAFEL.
Needs: RB
Has: WR depth, Tebow
11. Kimmel – CPP: 101.19 - Two Weeks Ago: 11th
Big win over Bennett last week. With a loss, you may have fallen all the way to last place in these rankings, a spot that has been permanently reserved for Gutman and Bennett from here on out. Your schedule going forward is pretty rough, so I’d be shocked if you made the playoffs, but you’ve put up a hell of a fight after losing Peyton and Britt. Unfortunately, your roster doesn’t really have much trade value so this column won’t help you too much.
Needs: WR upgrade, RB upgrade
Has: Weak depth at RB and WR
12. Ajay – CPP: 96.59 - Two Weeks Ago: 8th
When I look at your team, I see a great roster that has under-produced. While you are over .500, you barely have more points than Gutman, and have won weeks with scores of 77, 68 and 61. So you are an under-producing team who has also gotten extremely lucky. One or both of these things will even out over time, so I can see you finishing 9-4 or 5-8.
Needs: TE, your team to start playing like they can
Has: WR
13. Gutman – CPP: 67.88 - Two Weeks Ago: 14th
As if things couldn’t get any worse for you these past two weeks, the one week you actually win a game, there’s no rankings. The player who has the most TDs on your team is Scott Chandler, and he’s only been thrown to 21 times all year. Your only really valuable players are DMC, who’s hurt, and Murray, whose value is questionable when Felix gets back. At this point you’re just living to play spoiler.
Needs: QB, WR
Has: RB
14. Bennett – CPP: 47.74 - Two Weeks Ago: 13th
8 straight losses. Wow. You just passed Barnard’s 2009 7-game losing streak for the second-worst stretch in our league’s history. The only one worse than you was Long’s epic 10-game losing streak last year, and we saw how that worked out. The next two weeks you get Barnard and then myself, so you could easily match that number. I’m not saying we should kick you out of the league, I just think there should be some sort of punishment for this futility.
Needs: QB, WR, TE
Has: RB depth
Mock Trades:
Trade #1:
Esco trades Cedric Benson and Darrius Heyward-Bey to Billy for Brandon Lloyd and LT
Trade #2:
Donnie trades AJ Green and Santonio Holmes to Barnard for Stephen Jackson and Lance Moore
Trade #3
AGD trades Maurice Jones-Drew to Weissbard for Vincent Jackson and Jonathan Stewart
Trade #4
Kumpf trades Jahvid Best and Mario Manningham to Zacherman for Andre Johnson
Trade #5
Ajay trades Roddy White, Roy Helu and Jermaine Gresham to Joseph for BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Rob Gronkowski, and Devery Henderson
Trade #6
Alan trades Dez Bryant and Pierre Thomas to Kimmel for Willis McGahee and Mike Williams
Trade #7
Gutman trades Darren McFadden to Bennett for DeSean Jackson and Jackie Battle
Let’s get some trade offers going! We’ve already had 11 trades this year (5 by Alan), so let’s keep it up.
Next week I start work, so I have no idea how the rankings will be affected, but I assure you they will exist.
Apologies for the lack of rankings last week, moving halfway across the country was a bit more involved than I had initially thought. Since the last rankings, we’ve seen our lone undefeated team fall (twice), three teams change their names, and the league break into haves and have-nots. With four more regular season weeks, only 4 of our 14 teams sit within a game of .500. That leaves us with 5 teams on the fast track to the playoffs, and 5 teams who are dreaming about next year.
One of those teams is manned by my CPP counterpart and FALAFEL Draft Planner, Mr. Adam Gutman. While Gutguy has had a rough week with the Eagles losing, his team scoring a measly 58 points, and Penn State turning from Linebacker U to a national black eye, I think we need to start planning next year’s draft. I know a few locations have been thrown around, like Chicago, Miami or Austin, but I think the front-runner should be New Orleans. On my road trip I was there for Halloween, and it was unreal. Granted, like 10 people were shot on Bourbon Street shortly after I left, I still think it would be an amazing spot. Billy clearly knows more than I do, and has been outspoken for NOLA all year, but I think these talks should start soon.
Bitching About Kicking
Words can’t express how happy I am that Nick lost to Alan by 1 point thanks to Robbie Gould throwing up 14 on MNF. You can’t script something better than that. Ironically enough, I broke my own rule and was carrying two kickers last week (to my own detriment). Let’s check the updated stats on which positions are “predictable” and which ones are not.
QB – Rodgers 30, Rodgers 30 – Experts 198, Random 122
Difference per game of 8.44
RB – Arian 20, Law Firm 6 – Experts 130, Random 71
Difference per game of 6.56
WR – Jennings 10, Lloyd 8 – Experts138 , Random 63
Difference per game of 8.33
TE – Graham 7, Jared Cook 2 – Experts 65, Random 46
Difference per game of 2.11
K – Dan Bailey 12, Matt Bryant 7 – Experts 66, Random 54
Difference per game of 1.33
DEF – Ravens 6, Falcons 13 – Experts 80, Random 96
Difference per game of -1.78
Week 10 Rankings
This week will be yet another gimmick, but one that could help determine who wins the league. With the trade deadline coming up on November 19th, this is the Second Annual Mock Trade Rankings!
1. Billy – CPP: 141.17 - Two Weeks Ago: 2nd
No one in the league is enjoying as much of a hot streak as Billy. A healthy Arian, rejuvenated Reggie, and the always excellent Brees have this team thinking playoffs. We have an interesting matchup this week, and if it comes down to my Packers vs. your Viking on MNF, I think I put an end to your streak.
Needs: #1 WR, RB depth (I’m not buying Bush or LT)
Has: WR depth
2. Esco – CPP: 139.92 - Two Weeks Ago: 1st
As much as Billy has succeeded without the rankings, Esco has failed. Without me building him up for the last two weeks, his self-esteem (and his team’s performance) has suffered. Oddly enough, last week in your rankings spot I was going to put a link to the audio of “Down goes Frazier!” But at this point I think that would be like me linking a video of Barnard blowing little boys in the Penn State shower. This week you get an Alan team coming off an impressive, yet lucky, win over Nick. If we’ve learned anything in this league, it’s that you can never look past a Masand team.
Needs: WR depth
Has: QB and RB depth
3. Autodraft – CPP: 131.96 - Two Weeks Ago: 5th
Of course you upset Esco due to Ben Things I Tate About You. Two weeks ago, I thought your luck was turning, but you’ve proven again and again that you will not be denied. You have an interesting dilemma this week. If Bradshaw plays, the G-Men have a much better chance of beating the Niners, but if he doesn’t play, you have a much better chance of beating Z. Somehow I think you’ll end up beating Z without Bradshaw as Eli defies logic and plays well again.
Needs: RB, QB upgrade
Has: WR, TE
4. Barnard – CPP: 130.07 - Two Weeks Ago: 6th
Well you beat me once again. I really don’t see a championship team with you, but it’s definitely a playoff team. You may be in the best position to make a trade of anyone, with your depth at RB. The question is, is it worth it to break up the AP/FJax/SJax trio in order to upgrade your QB or WRs.
Needs: WR, QB upgrade
Has: RB
5. AGD – CPP: 128.92 - Two Weeks Ago: 9th
One week after our trade, it looked like a waste of time. Hillis and Tolbert didn’t play, and Cadillac was immediately cut from my squad. Two weeks after our trade, it looks like you got the best of me. Hillis is out indefinitely, Mathews is a bitch, and Tolbert looks healthy and hungry. I think this team makes the playoffs.
Needs: WR upgrade, TE
Has: RB
6. Zacherman – CPP: 125.77 - Two Weeks Ago: 3rd
After 4 straight wins, Z got robbed by Torrey Smith’s big game. No one is shedding any tears, and the upcoming schedule looks like Z will have a hard time getting into the playoffs. Your future success or failure will likely come down to the health of Bradshaw and Andre, neither of which I’d be willing to stake my season on.
Needs: His team to get healthy, RB depth
Has: WR depth
7. Weissbard – CPP: 120.62 - Two Weeks Ago: 10th
We’ll see how much the name change helps you. After a thrilling upset of Zacherman, you sit as the only 4-5 team in the league. The upcoming schedule is fairly easy for you, so 7-6 is absolutely within reach. The question is, will that be enough for the playoffs?
Needs: RB upgrade
Has: Two top WRs
8. Kumpf – CPP: 115.12 - Two Weeks Ago: 4th
I currently sit fourth in the standings at 6-3. My three losses are to the teams ranked 1-3. If I lose to Billy, I’ll likely fall to fifth, having lost only to the top 4 teams. I have no idea what my team’s true rank is, but I do know that a Best/Hillis combo sounds a lot better than Keiland Williams/Chris Ivory.
Needs: My team to get healthy, WR depth
Has: RB depth (if they ‘re healthy)
9. Joseph – CPP: 109.67 - Two Weeks Ago: 7th
I know you’re well aware of this, but let me point it out to the rest of the league: Nick has the third most points of anyone in the league, yet sits at 3-6, and will need a miracle to make the playoffs. There are a few possible reasons for this. Maybe it’s your hilarious yet wildly offensive new team name. Maybe it’s because you put us in commissioner purgatory by stepping down. Or maybe it’s just bad luck. Either way, you’re probably the only Rodgers-led team in the world who won’t make the playoffs.
Needs: A top WR
Has: RB depth
10. Alan – CPP: 102.62 - Two Weeks Ago: 12th
Alan pulls off an improbable win thanks to his kicker and multiple Saints RBs. Say what you will about the trades he’s made thus far (and I have), but the Muffin Man will not stop trying. One player I want you to trade is Tebow. You would never start him over Rivers (provided last week means he has righted the ship), but he would be an interesting option for a team like Barnard’s or Donnie’s. I just love having Tebow in the NFL and it’s about time he got some PT in the FALAFEL.
Needs: RB
Has: WR depth, Tebow
11. Kimmel – CPP: 101.19 - Two Weeks Ago: 11th
Big win over Bennett last week. With a loss, you may have fallen all the way to last place in these rankings, a spot that has been permanently reserved for Gutman and Bennett from here on out. Your schedule going forward is pretty rough, so I’d be shocked if you made the playoffs, but you’ve put up a hell of a fight after losing Peyton and Britt. Unfortunately, your roster doesn’t really have much trade value so this column won’t help you too much.
Needs: WR upgrade, RB upgrade
Has: Weak depth at RB and WR
12. Ajay – CPP: 96.59 - Two Weeks Ago: 8th
When I look at your team, I see a great roster that has under-produced. While you are over .500, you barely have more points than Gutman, and have won weeks with scores of 77, 68 and 61. So you are an under-producing team who has also gotten extremely lucky. One or both of these things will even out over time, so I can see you finishing 9-4 or 5-8.
Needs: TE, your team to start playing like they can
Has: WR
13. Gutman – CPP: 67.88 - Two Weeks Ago: 14th
As if things couldn’t get any worse for you these past two weeks, the one week you actually win a game, there’s no rankings. The player who has the most TDs on your team is Scott Chandler, and he’s only been thrown to 21 times all year. Your only really valuable players are DMC, who’s hurt, and Murray, whose value is questionable when Felix gets back. At this point you’re just living to play spoiler.
Needs: QB, WR
Has: RB
14. Bennett – CPP: 47.74 - Two Weeks Ago: 13th
8 straight losses. Wow. You just passed Barnard’s 2009 7-game losing streak for the second-worst stretch in our league’s history. The only one worse than you was Long’s epic 10-game losing streak last year, and we saw how that worked out. The next two weeks you get Barnard and then myself, so you could easily match that number. I’m not saying we should kick you out of the league, I just think there should be some sort of punishment for this futility.
Needs: QB, WR, TE
Has: RB depth
Mock Trades:
Trade #1:
Esco trades Cedric Benson and Darrius Heyward-Bey to Billy for Brandon Lloyd and LT
Trade #2:
Donnie trades AJ Green and Santonio Holmes to Barnard for Stephen Jackson and Lance Moore
Trade #3
AGD trades Maurice Jones-Drew to Weissbard for Vincent Jackson and Jonathan Stewart
Trade #4
Kumpf trades Jahvid Best and Mario Manningham to Zacherman for Andre Johnson
Trade #5
Ajay trades Roddy White, Roy Helu and Jermaine Gresham to Joseph for BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Rob Gronkowski, and Devery Henderson
Trade #6
Alan trades Dez Bryant and Pierre Thomas to Kimmel for Willis McGahee and Mike Williams
Trade #7
Gutman trades Darren McFadden to Bennett for DeSean Jackson and Jackie Battle
Let’s get some trade offers going! We’ve already had 11 trades this year (5 by Alan), so let’s keep it up.
Next week I start work, so I have no idea how the rankings will be affected, but I assure you they will exist.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Week 8 Rankings
This is a bittersweet moment for me. I’ll be turning in this computer at the end of the day, as I complete my 2 years, 3 months, 2 weeks and 2 days at Johnson & Johnson. I have a lot of great memories on this computer. I watched seasons 1-6 of Lost, 1-4 of Mad Men, 1-5 of Friday Night Lights and 1-5 of The Office on this computer. I did a little bit of work on this computer. But most importantly, I have written each week’s rankings on this computer, dating back to that fateful day before Week 1 of 2009 when Gutman and I were so bored at work that we came up with a somewhat arbitrary ranking system.
Since that day the CPP has been refined to a less useless tool for ranking the teams in our hallowed league, and my weekly columns have gone viral (994 blog views and counting!). All of that happened because of this computer and this job, both of which I am leaving today. I’m not sure what the future brings for myself and these rankings, but it’s been a fun two years.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Bitching About Kicking
QB – Rodgers 25, Stafford 11 – Experts 156, Random 79
Difference per game of 11
RB – DMC 0, Addai 1 – Experts 83, Random 56
Difference per game of 3.857
WR – Calvin 17, Santana 1 – Experts 110, Random 50
Difference per game of 8.571
TE – Graham 17, Daniels 7 – Experts 55, Random 36
Difference per game of 2.714
Kicker – Rayner 0, Vinatieri 1 – Experts 43, Random 43
Difference per game of 0
Defense – Ravens 10, Panthers 10 – Experts 66, Random 71
Difference per game of -.714
Lineups this week:
Experts: Brees, AP, Calvin, Graham, Hanson, Ravens
Random: Ponder, Mendenhall, Marshall, Heath Miller, Prater, Chiefs
Week 8 Rankings
1. Esco – CPP: 168.53 - Last Week: 1st
As if you needed any more help, just as Benson goes down to suspension, Michael Bush becomes a startable RB. What has impressed me the most about your season so far is your roster management. In our league, the best teams tend to leave a lot of points on the bench because they have the best rosters top to bottom (there are exceptions, more on this later). But despite putting up a league-leading 109 points per game, you’re only leaving 5 points per week on the bench, good for 3rd in the league. In years past this has not been sustainable, so I’m not sure if it means that you’re “due” for a letdown or not, but you do get a surprisingly tough matchup against the Nard Dog this week.
2. Billy – CPP: 132.05 - Last Week: 7th
Great job with your “sabermetric” rankings. The logic makes more sense than elements of the CPP do, I’ll be the first to admit it. Once I get to TX, I’ll probably have a bunch of free time on my hands, and one of my first priorities (other than getting a couch), will be to revamp the CPP. So I’ll likely be using some of your methods. In other words, welcome to the CPP team! As for your team, two weeks ago I said, “When I said that Arian and Brees could carry you to the playoffs, I thought you understood that it was implied that they would need help.” Well last week they didn’t really need the help. Bennett’s team outscored them by a mere 17 points, and the rest of your team finally showed up to make up the difference and then some. And on top of that, you get a Rodgers-less Joseph this week, which should push you further over .500.
3. Zacherman – CPP: 118.50 - Last Week: 5th
As much as I hate when Donnie does well because he autodrafted, I’d prefer that to Zacherman doing well with a team he picked, because I always have to hear about it. After withstanding the Masand/Sproles attack last week, Z emerges over .500 for the first time all season. He gets an interesting matchup with Kimmel, who has some nice matchups. I think the Giants slaughter of the embarrassing Dolphins gives you the win.
4. Kumpf – CPP: 118.43 - Last Week: 6th
A blackmailing trade that I thought would end up being a backup QB swap ends up making my team very interesting. If Hillis can get his shit together, then my roster becomes much more formidable. If not, then between him, Jahvid, Santana, and the currently banged up Jennings, injury luck may push me out of the playoffs.
5. Autodraft – CPP: 116.20 - Last Week: 3rd
Your luck never ceases to amaze me. This week you won thanks to a pick 6 courtesy of the Colts in garbage time (which incidentally started in the second quarter of that game). I give you credit though, picking up and starting the Saints D was a smart move, so it wasn’t all luck. You do get the luck of playing Gutman in a week when byes strip you of Freeman and Jermichael. I think I speak for the rest of the league when I say that you should play with no QB just to see how lucky you really are, and how bad Gutman’s team really is.
6. Barnard – CPP: 115.29 - Last Week: 9th
Well you withstood Fred Jackson’s bye week, and escaped with a win despite 77 points. I still look at your team and abhor it, but I guess your monster RB trio is enough to win in this league. I was about to say you have as good a chance of beating Esco as anyone this week, but then I saw that you’re starting Alex Smith. Good luck with that one.
7. Joseph – CPP: 100.00 - Last Week: 2nd
I thought you had a chance to take down our perpetual #1 last week. Rodgers held up his end of the deal, Shonne Green and Boldin showed up, and even your kicker put up 15. But Jordy was held in check, CJ2K is apparently still holding out, and you decided to start Doug Baldwin, who’s only productive moment in his life was beating your Giants. Questionable roster decisions aside, you might actually have something with Marion Barber. The Bears are using him like the G-Men use Jacobs, so he has flex value in this league. Maybe not more than 2 chicken wings, but it’s still something.
8. Ajay – CPP: 95.64 - Last Week: 11th
How you possibly moved up three spots after that performance should be Exhibit A in why the CPP needs to be re-formulated, but a win is a win. I really wish the Ravens had settled for a field goal, the snap got botched, and Cundiff ended up losing a fumble, causing you to lose to Gutman. That probably would have been second only to the retroactive stat correction keeping Zacherman out of the playoffs two years ago, in terms of worst losses ever. Conventional wisdom says you should have no issues with Bennett this week, but then again it took you until the two minute warning of MNF to dispatch of Gutman last week. Crazier things have happened.
9. AGD – CPP: 91.43 - Last Week: 4th
Your team was hurt by byes and poor performances last week, but that shizz happens. We all enjoyed your annual email, and the blackmail strategy was a good one, but why turn down offers for Schaub and Fitzpatrick to help your QB situation, and accept the one you did? I think our former commissioner put it best:
Nick: Did you really just rip Belfer off in a trade after he blackmailed you to make a trade in his favor?
10. Weissbard – CPP: 86.03 - Last Week: 8th
God your team is terrible outside of Brady and Nicks. I believe Tashard Choice’s -2 is the lowest score by a starter this season, so congrats on that. And also congrats on getting to play me in what will be by far my weakest week. If you don’t beat me then you might want to consider autodrafting next year, I hear it usually turns out well.
11. Kimmel – CPP: 83.88 - Last Week: 10th
It’s weird, I find myself rooting for Kimmel to win every week. He just always seems to be matched up against a team I want to lose. Last week he was a Saints pick 6 away from taking down Donnie, and I found myself more upset that he lost, than happy that I won. This week is no different, as I would like nothing more than to see Mathews destroy Gates on MNF as Zacherman comes up with some absurd excuse why he got robbed of the win.
12. Alan – CPP: 78.94 – Last Week: 12th
I can’t remember another time where the bottom three teams stayed the same two weeks in a row. So keep up the good work guys. Alan, I still admire your efforts, as futile as they may be. As I mentioned in Esco’s section, leaving a lot of points on your bench is typically the reflection of a top team in our league. Well you are the exception to that rule. After Donnie and myself (combined record 11-3), you are third by leaving over 16 points per week on your bench. If you turned that around, you may have had a chance at the playoffs, but it might be too late for you this year.
13. Bennett – CPP: 66.36 – Last Week: 14th
You actually had a very respectable week with 90 points and an unlucky loss. But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about a revelation I had this past week. You really are Andre from The League. We mock your name, your profession, and even on the rare occasions when you have success, we find a way to turn it around on you. I can absolutely see an episode of The League coming up where Andre comes to everyone with a great deal on knockoff jerseys, only to get torn apart. The only thing we haven’t done is film a porno with Alan in your apartment. Or have we…
14. Gutman – CPP: 56.30 – Last Week: 13th
I love starting my workday with a GChat from Gutman saying “I hate fantasy football” or “Is my team worse than Bennett’s?” It’s up there with SportsCenter and the morning dump as the highlights of my day (Just Married quote right there, get on my level). I really want to think of a way that you can beat Donnie this week, and I think I came up with one: If the Patriots and Lions planes collide in mid-air on their flights. Even then, you’ll probably lose because Pettigrew died. I mean, you’re starting Curtis Painter and 2 TE’s, from the Bills and Lions. Have some pride.
Next week the Rankings will be extremely short or non-existent, as I move into my place in Austin a week from today and I won’t have internet until Friday. So there’s a chance they’ll be out over the weekend, but I will put up some sort of deliverable (travel blog?) next week.
It’s been fun Jersey, on to Texas.
Since that day the CPP has been refined to a less useless tool for ranking the teams in our hallowed league, and my weekly columns have gone viral (994 blog views and counting!). All of that happened because of this computer and this job, both of which I am leaving today. I’m not sure what the future brings for myself and these rankings, but it’s been a fun two years.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Bitching About Kicking
QB – Rodgers 25, Stafford 11 – Experts 156, Random 79
Difference per game of 11
RB – DMC 0, Addai 1 – Experts 83, Random 56
Difference per game of 3.857
WR – Calvin 17, Santana 1 – Experts 110, Random 50
Difference per game of 8.571
TE – Graham 17, Daniels 7 – Experts 55, Random 36
Difference per game of 2.714
Kicker – Rayner 0, Vinatieri 1 – Experts 43, Random 43
Difference per game of 0
Defense – Ravens 10, Panthers 10 – Experts 66, Random 71
Difference per game of -.714
Lineups this week:
Experts: Brees, AP, Calvin, Graham, Hanson, Ravens
Random: Ponder, Mendenhall, Marshall, Heath Miller, Prater, Chiefs
Week 8 Rankings
1. Esco – CPP: 168.53 - Last Week: 1st
As if you needed any more help, just as Benson goes down to suspension, Michael Bush becomes a startable RB. What has impressed me the most about your season so far is your roster management. In our league, the best teams tend to leave a lot of points on the bench because they have the best rosters top to bottom (there are exceptions, more on this later). But despite putting up a league-leading 109 points per game, you’re only leaving 5 points per week on the bench, good for 3rd in the league. In years past this has not been sustainable, so I’m not sure if it means that you’re “due” for a letdown or not, but you do get a surprisingly tough matchup against the Nard Dog this week.
2. Billy – CPP: 132.05 - Last Week: 7th
Great job with your “sabermetric” rankings. The logic makes more sense than elements of the CPP do, I’ll be the first to admit it. Once I get to TX, I’ll probably have a bunch of free time on my hands, and one of my first priorities (other than getting a couch), will be to revamp the CPP. So I’ll likely be using some of your methods. In other words, welcome to the CPP team! As for your team, two weeks ago I said, “When I said that Arian and Brees could carry you to the playoffs, I thought you understood that it was implied that they would need help.” Well last week they didn’t really need the help. Bennett’s team outscored them by a mere 17 points, and the rest of your team finally showed up to make up the difference and then some. And on top of that, you get a Rodgers-less Joseph this week, which should push you further over .500.
3. Zacherman – CPP: 118.50 - Last Week: 5th
As much as I hate when Donnie does well because he autodrafted, I’d prefer that to Zacherman doing well with a team he picked, because I always have to hear about it. After withstanding the Masand/Sproles attack last week, Z emerges over .500 for the first time all season. He gets an interesting matchup with Kimmel, who has some nice matchups. I think the Giants slaughter of the embarrassing Dolphins gives you the win.
4. Kumpf – CPP: 118.43 - Last Week: 6th
A blackmailing trade that I thought would end up being a backup QB swap ends up making my team very interesting. If Hillis can get his shit together, then my roster becomes much more formidable. If not, then between him, Jahvid, Santana, and the currently banged up Jennings, injury luck may push me out of the playoffs.
5. Autodraft – CPP: 116.20 - Last Week: 3rd
Your luck never ceases to amaze me. This week you won thanks to a pick 6 courtesy of the Colts in garbage time (which incidentally started in the second quarter of that game). I give you credit though, picking up and starting the Saints D was a smart move, so it wasn’t all luck. You do get the luck of playing Gutman in a week when byes strip you of Freeman and Jermichael. I think I speak for the rest of the league when I say that you should play with no QB just to see how lucky you really are, and how bad Gutman’s team really is.
6. Barnard – CPP: 115.29 - Last Week: 9th
Well you withstood Fred Jackson’s bye week, and escaped with a win despite 77 points. I still look at your team and abhor it, but I guess your monster RB trio is enough to win in this league. I was about to say you have as good a chance of beating Esco as anyone this week, but then I saw that you’re starting Alex Smith. Good luck with that one.
7. Joseph – CPP: 100.00 - Last Week: 2nd
I thought you had a chance to take down our perpetual #1 last week. Rodgers held up his end of the deal, Shonne Green and Boldin showed up, and even your kicker put up 15. But Jordy was held in check, CJ2K is apparently still holding out, and you decided to start Doug Baldwin, who’s only productive moment in his life was beating your Giants. Questionable roster decisions aside, you might actually have something with Marion Barber. The Bears are using him like the G-Men use Jacobs, so he has flex value in this league. Maybe not more than 2 chicken wings, but it’s still something.
8. Ajay – CPP: 95.64 - Last Week: 11th
How you possibly moved up three spots after that performance should be Exhibit A in why the CPP needs to be re-formulated, but a win is a win. I really wish the Ravens had settled for a field goal, the snap got botched, and Cundiff ended up losing a fumble, causing you to lose to Gutman. That probably would have been second only to the retroactive stat correction keeping Zacherman out of the playoffs two years ago, in terms of worst losses ever. Conventional wisdom says you should have no issues with Bennett this week, but then again it took you until the two minute warning of MNF to dispatch of Gutman last week. Crazier things have happened.
9. AGD – CPP: 91.43 - Last Week: 4th
Your team was hurt by byes and poor performances last week, but that shizz happens. We all enjoyed your annual email, and the blackmail strategy was a good one, but why turn down offers for Schaub and Fitzpatrick to help your QB situation, and accept the one you did? I think our former commissioner put it best:
Nick: Did you really just rip Belfer off in a trade after he blackmailed you to make a trade in his favor?
10. Weissbard – CPP: 86.03 - Last Week: 8th
God your team is terrible outside of Brady and Nicks. I believe Tashard Choice’s -2 is the lowest score by a starter this season, so congrats on that. And also congrats on getting to play me in what will be by far my weakest week. If you don’t beat me then you might want to consider autodrafting next year, I hear it usually turns out well.
11. Kimmel – CPP: 83.88 - Last Week: 10th
It’s weird, I find myself rooting for Kimmel to win every week. He just always seems to be matched up against a team I want to lose. Last week he was a Saints pick 6 away from taking down Donnie, and I found myself more upset that he lost, than happy that I won. This week is no different, as I would like nothing more than to see Mathews destroy Gates on MNF as Zacherman comes up with some absurd excuse why he got robbed of the win.
12. Alan – CPP: 78.94 – Last Week: 12th
I can’t remember another time where the bottom three teams stayed the same two weeks in a row. So keep up the good work guys. Alan, I still admire your efforts, as futile as they may be. As I mentioned in Esco’s section, leaving a lot of points on your bench is typically the reflection of a top team in our league. Well you are the exception to that rule. After Donnie and myself (combined record 11-3), you are third by leaving over 16 points per week on your bench. If you turned that around, you may have had a chance at the playoffs, but it might be too late for you this year.
13. Bennett – CPP: 66.36 – Last Week: 14th
You actually had a very respectable week with 90 points and an unlucky loss. But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about a revelation I had this past week. You really are Andre from The League. We mock your name, your profession, and even on the rare occasions when you have success, we find a way to turn it around on you. I can absolutely see an episode of The League coming up where Andre comes to everyone with a great deal on knockoff jerseys, only to get torn apart. The only thing we haven’t done is film a porno with Alan in your apartment. Or have we…
14. Gutman – CPP: 56.30 – Last Week: 13th
I love starting my workday with a GChat from Gutman saying “I hate fantasy football” or “Is my team worse than Bennett’s?” It’s up there with SportsCenter and the morning dump as the highlights of my day (Just Married quote right there, get on my level). I really want to think of a way that you can beat Donnie this week, and I think I came up with one: If the Patriots and Lions planes collide in mid-air on their flights. Even then, you’ll probably lose because Pettigrew died. I mean, you’re starting Curtis Painter and 2 TE’s, from the Bills and Lions. Have some pride.
Next week the Rankings will be extremely short or non-existent, as I move into my place in Austin a week from today and I won’t have internet until Friday. So there’s a chance they’ll be out over the weekend, but I will put up some sort of deliverable (travel blog?) next week.
It’s been fun Jersey, on to Texas.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Week 7 Rankings
Last week was a very odd week in the NFL. Scoring was pretty similar to what we’ve seen all year, yet fantasy scoring was down across the board in all my leagues. Maybe bye weeks play some part in that, maybe it was just a weird, wild week. Or maybe it just meant that the people who usually do the fantasy scoring were replaced by a new group of Fantasy Studs who are all ripe for the picking from the Waiver Wire.
Unfortunately I will never know what it feels like to get a Waiver Wire Stud, unless I lose a few games in a row, because of our fucked up waiver system. I think we’re all in agreement on this one, but I’m so used to Bitching about Kicking that I rarely have the chance to point out other facets of our league that need to be fixed. I know Esco 2012 is on my side, but I would think any commissioner candidate should have a firm stance on our waiver system.
Anyway, back to the usual…
Bitching About Kicking
QB – Rodgers 24, Campbell 1 – Experts 131, Random 68
Difference per game of 10.5
RB – AP 9, DMC 15 – Experts 83, Random 55
Difference per game of 4.67
WR – Calvin 11, Santana 3 – Experts 93, Random 49
Difference per game of 7.33
TE – Graham 12, Watson 3 – Experts 38, Random 29
Difference per game of 1.5
Kicker – Rackers 2, Crosby 6 – Experts 43, Random 42
Difference per game of 0.17
Defense – Packers 12, Pats 7 – Experts 56, Random 61
Difference per game of -.83
Lineups this week:
Experts: Rodgers, DMC, Calvin, Graham, Janikowski, Ravens
Random: Stafford, Addai, Santana, Daniels, Vinatieri, Panthers
Week 7 Rankings
1. Esco – CPP: 152.15 – Last Week: 1st
Blah, blah, blah Esco’s in first again. But it wasn’t easy. He needed a mediocre performance by Daniel Thomas on MNF to squeak past me, and if I had decided to start multiple-time Pro Bowler Dallas Clark instead of Ed Fucking Dickson, then we would have a new #1. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Two weeks ago against Weissbard, you got lucky and he didn’t capitalize. Last week against me it was all skill, as you played your optimal lineup, and I tried to get cute and blew it.
2. Joseph – CPP: 121.06 – Last Week: 4th
Your steady climb to #2 included taking down Donnie (impressive) as well as perpetual bottom-dweller Bennett (yawn), but you still remain at .500 in the standings. This is the point of the CPP though. If the playoff started today, you would have the 5 seed, and be facing off against the 4 seed, Barnard. While Yahoo might like Barnard’s trio of RBs better than your admittedly unorthodox lineup, the CPP still has faith in you. Unfortunately you get Esco this week. A Vick-less Esco, but Esco nonetheless. I think you fall back below .500.
3. Autodraft – CPP: 118.34 – Last Week: 6th
After a one week reprieve from your lucky ways, you bounce right back. 74 points was good for 10th best in the league last week, but of course Ajay had to attempt a record for futility, and you got the win. I shouldn’t even be surprised at this point. It’s good to see you finally came to your senses and benched Tony G in favor of AJ Green, something you don’t have the luxury of doing this week. You’ll be facing a revamped Kimmel squad, so I think you’ll need a little more of your karma magic to start another winning streak.
4. AGD – CPP: 114.38 – Last Week: 5th
You barely escaped a secretly good Kimmel team last week, thanks mainly to Rex taking a dump all over his chances. I’ve said all year that I’m not looking forward to facing you, and of course I get to do just that in the week where I’m most hurt by byes/injuries. Yahoo has me edging you barely in a matchup that features Nate Burleson, Keiland Williams, James Jones and Cadillac Williams. If Baltimore can’t contain MoJo on MNF, then you should win easily.
5. Zacherman – CPP: 110.04 – Last Week: 8th
You got about as lucky as Donnie last week, though everyone expected Gutman to score in the 50’s so it’s not that much of a surprise. The bad news for you is that Cam is starting to look like the rookie that he is. Teams are catching on to his style, and his supporting cast just isn’t good enough to put him in a position to score. That shouldn’t matter once again this week against an Alan team that is still searching for its identity.
6. Kumpf – CPP: 105.06 – Last Week: 3rd
My God, my lineup looks terrible this week. I’m still pissed I missed the chance to dethrone our last undefeated team for the second straight year, but maybe I’ll get that chance again in the playoffs. With my RB situation I was banking that if Best got hurt, Mathews would too, making Tolbert a starter. Unfortunately he’s concussed too, which creates a big headache for me.
7. Billy – CPP: 103.83 – Last Week: 13th
Quite the big jump for Mr. Lutz this week, and rightfully so after taking down a streaking Barnard (kind of like his frozen run from Carpenter Library). Devin Hester has been a nice weapon for you, and you don’t even have to start him thanks to teams still kicking away to him for some reason. The rest of your team won’t inspire much fear into your opponents, but at least they don’t inspire laughter like Bennett’s, who you should easily dispatch of this week.
8. Weissbard – CPP: 103.61 – Last Week: 11th
I guess your bump in the rankings is due to winning that barn-burner with the Muffin Man. The CPP may respect that win, but I sure as hell don’t. You had three players combine for 1 point, and one of them was promptly cut after the week. While I hope you beat Barnard this week, I don’t think you have a prayer of making the playoffs with your roster the way it is right now.
9. Barnard – CPP: 99.88 – Last Week: 2nd
This is more like it. How you got to #2 is beyond me, but hopefully it never happens again. I’m sure when you drafted your team, your first thought was, “Man I’m screwed when Fred Jackson has his bye.” You got a bit unlucky last week, but this week you deserve to lose. And you will.
10. Kimmel – CPP: 97.19 – Last Week: 9th
The hits keep coming for you. First Peyton, then Britt, and now even Rex Grossman can’t contribute any more. I think the trade for Stafford was necessary, but there’s a distinct chance that you handed Ajay the title when his team starts producing. Yahoo has you favored by 27 over Donnie, which is just unfathomable to me. I truly hope you make good on this, but it’s Donnie’s world and we all just live in it.
11. Ajay – CPP: 84.22 – Last Week: 7th
Well last week was terrible, so all I’ll say is other than Romo, Austin, Ingram and your kicker, the rest of your lineup combined to put up 7 points. That won’t happen again I hope, for everyone’s sake. I’d rather focus on your lineup for the rest of the season: Romo, Gore, Ingram, Austin, Fitz, Roddy. Damn, that’s nice. You have to assume Roddy and/or Fitz will start putting up numbers, and Ingram is only getting better. I’m assuming you make the playoffs as a 5 or 6 seed, and that will be one dangerous team.
12. Alan – CPP: 79.66 – Last Week: 10th
13. Gutman – CPP: 69.48 – Last Week: 12th
14. Bennett – CPP: 65.95 – Last Week: 14th
This is when things start to get ugly. Literally half of our league is .500, so they obviously have a chance at the playoffs. Kimmel is 2-4, but I don’t take him for dead yet. The bottom three teams were either struck with bad injury luck (Alan), had a terrible drafts (Gutman), made dumb trades (Alan and Gutman), or were just slapped in the face with bad luck from the moment they were born (Bennett). I give Alan credit, he’s still trying. His trades might not yield excellent results, but he has a somewhat respectable lineup still, and he has used his waiver position to snag useful players like Earnest Graham, Eric Decker, and our lord and savior Jesus Tebow. He has 13 adds and 5 trades to his name. But the 2 Jewish Philly fans? You’ve used your perpetually shitty waiver position to net Jackie Battle, and that’s about it. I still give Alan an outside chance at the playoffs if Rivers turns it on, but Gutman and Bennett will be sitting awkwardly together watching Eli face Romo in the first round of the playoffs while reminiscing of the good old days with McNabb bouncing passes to Reggie Brown.
Unfortunately I will never know what it feels like to get a Waiver Wire Stud, unless I lose a few games in a row, because of our fucked up waiver system. I think we’re all in agreement on this one, but I’m so used to Bitching about Kicking that I rarely have the chance to point out other facets of our league that need to be fixed. I know Esco 2012 is on my side, but I would think any commissioner candidate should have a firm stance on our waiver system.
Anyway, back to the usual…
Bitching About Kicking
QB – Rodgers 24, Campbell 1 – Experts 131, Random 68
Difference per game of 10.5
RB – AP 9, DMC 15 – Experts 83, Random 55
Difference per game of 4.67
WR – Calvin 11, Santana 3 – Experts 93, Random 49
Difference per game of 7.33
TE – Graham 12, Watson 3 – Experts 38, Random 29
Difference per game of 1.5
Kicker – Rackers 2, Crosby 6 – Experts 43, Random 42
Difference per game of 0.17
Defense – Packers 12, Pats 7 – Experts 56, Random 61
Difference per game of -.83
Lineups this week:
Experts: Rodgers, DMC, Calvin, Graham, Janikowski, Ravens
Random: Stafford, Addai, Santana, Daniels, Vinatieri, Panthers
Week 7 Rankings
1. Esco – CPP: 152.15 – Last Week: 1st
Blah, blah, blah Esco’s in first again. But it wasn’t easy. He needed a mediocre performance by Daniel Thomas on MNF to squeak past me, and if I had decided to start multiple-time Pro Bowler Dallas Clark instead of Ed Fucking Dickson, then we would have a new #1. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Two weeks ago against Weissbard, you got lucky and he didn’t capitalize. Last week against me it was all skill, as you played your optimal lineup, and I tried to get cute and blew it.
2. Joseph – CPP: 121.06 – Last Week: 4th
Your steady climb to #2 included taking down Donnie (impressive) as well as perpetual bottom-dweller Bennett (yawn), but you still remain at .500 in the standings. This is the point of the CPP though. If the playoff started today, you would have the 5 seed, and be facing off against the 4 seed, Barnard. While Yahoo might like Barnard’s trio of RBs better than your admittedly unorthodox lineup, the CPP still has faith in you. Unfortunately you get Esco this week. A Vick-less Esco, but Esco nonetheless. I think you fall back below .500.
3. Autodraft – CPP: 118.34 – Last Week: 6th
After a one week reprieve from your lucky ways, you bounce right back. 74 points was good for 10th best in the league last week, but of course Ajay had to attempt a record for futility, and you got the win. I shouldn’t even be surprised at this point. It’s good to see you finally came to your senses and benched Tony G in favor of AJ Green, something you don’t have the luxury of doing this week. You’ll be facing a revamped Kimmel squad, so I think you’ll need a little more of your karma magic to start another winning streak.
4. AGD – CPP: 114.38 – Last Week: 5th
You barely escaped a secretly good Kimmel team last week, thanks mainly to Rex taking a dump all over his chances. I’ve said all year that I’m not looking forward to facing you, and of course I get to do just that in the week where I’m most hurt by byes/injuries. Yahoo has me edging you barely in a matchup that features Nate Burleson, Keiland Williams, James Jones and Cadillac Williams. If Baltimore can’t contain MoJo on MNF, then you should win easily.
5. Zacherman – CPP: 110.04 – Last Week: 8th
You got about as lucky as Donnie last week, though everyone expected Gutman to score in the 50’s so it’s not that much of a surprise. The bad news for you is that Cam is starting to look like the rookie that he is. Teams are catching on to his style, and his supporting cast just isn’t good enough to put him in a position to score. That shouldn’t matter once again this week against an Alan team that is still searching for its identity.
6. Kumpf – CPP: 105.06 – Last Week: 3rd
My God, my lineup looks terrible this week. I’m still pissed I missed the chance to dethrone our last undefeated team for the second straight year, but maybe I’ll get that chance again in the playoffs. With my RB situation I was banking that if Best got hurt, Mathews would too, making Tolbert a starter. Unfortunately he’s concussed too, which creates a big headache for me.
7. Billy – CPP: 103.83 – Last Week: 13th
Quite the big jump for Mr. Lutz this week, and rightfully so after taking down a streaking Barnard (kind of like his frozen run from Carpenter Library). Devin Hester has been a nice weapon for you, and you don’t even have to start him thanks to teams still kicking away to him for some reason. The rest of your team won’t inspire much fear into your opponents, but at least they don’t inspire laughter like Bennett’s, who you should easily dispatch of this week.
8. Weissbard – CPP: 103.61 – Last Week: 11th
I guess your bump in the rankings is due to winning that barn-burner with the Muffin Man. The CPP may respect that win, but I sure as hell don’t. You had three players combine for 1 point, and one of them was promptly cut after the week. While I hope you beat Barnard this week, I don’t think you have a prayer of making the playoffs with your roster the way it is right now.
9. Barnard – CPP: 99.88 – Last Week: 2nd
This is more like it. How you got to #2 is beyond me, but hopefully it never happens again. I’m sure when you drafted your team, your first thought was, “Man I’m screwed when Fred Jackson has his bye.” You got a bit unlucky last week, but this week you deserve to lose. And you will.
10. Kimmel – CPP: 97.19 – Last Week: 9th
The hits keep coming for you. First Peyton, then Britt, and now even Rex Grossman can’t contribute any more. I think the trade for Stafford was necessary, but there’s a distinct chance that you handed Ajay the title when his team starts producing. Yahoo has you favored by 27 over Donnie, which is just unfathomable to me. I truly hope you make good on this, but it’s Donnie’s world and we all just live in it.
11. Ajay – CPP: 84.22 – Last Week: 7th
Well last week was terrible, so all I’ll say is other than Romo, Austin, Ingram and your kicker, the rest of your lineup combined to put up 7 points. That won’t happen again I hope, for everyone’s sake. I’d rather focus on your lineup for the rest of the season: Romo, Gore, Ingram, Austin, Fitz, Roddy. Damn, that’s nice. You have to assume Roddy and/or Fitz will start putting up numbers, and Ingram is only getting better. I’m assuming you make the playoffs as a 5 or 6 seed, and that will be one dangerous team.
12. Alan – CPP: 79.66 – Last Week: 10th
13. Gutman – CPP: 69.48 – Last Week: 12th
14. Bennett – CPP: 65.95 – Last Week: 14th
This is when things start to get ugly. Literally half of our league is .500, so they obviously have a chance at the playoffs. Kimmel is 2-4, but I don’t take him for dead yet. The bottom three teams were either struck with bad injury luck (Alan), had a terrible drafts (Gutman), made dumb trades (Alan and Gutman), or were just slapped in the face with bad luck from the moment they were born (Bennett). I give Alan credit, he’s still trying. His trades might not yield excellent results, but he has a somewhat respectable lineup still, and he has used his waiver position to snag useful players like Earnest Graham, Eric Decker, and our lord and savior Jesus Tebow. He has 13 adds and 5 trades to his name. But the 2 Jewish Philly fans? You’ve used your perpetually shitty waiver position to net Jackie Battle, and that’s about it. I still give Alan an outside chance at the playoffs if Rivers turns it on, but Gutman and Bennett will be sitting awkwardly together watching Eli face Romo in the first round of the playoffs while reminiscing of the good old days with McNabb bouncing passes to Reggie Brown.
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