Week 3 Recap

After three weeks, Alan is the only undefeated team. If that seems like a surprising start for our first-ever champion, you would be wrong. In 2014, Alan started 4-1 before losing 6 of his last 8 games to finish 6-7. As you'll see below, this isn't entirely uncommon. Shitty starts can turn into miraculous runs, and dominant starts can turn into epic collapses. But a win is a win, and Alan has three of them without a loss. Are we witnessing the Masandaissance?


Playoff Odds

After Week 3:
100% (4/4) of 3-0 teams made the playoffs
42% (8/19) of 2-1 teams made the playoffs
38% (5/13) of 1-2 teams made the playoffs
17% (1/6) of 0-3 teams made the playoffs

After Week 4:
100% (2/2) of 4-0 teams made the playoffs
60% (6/10) of 3-1 teams made the playoffs
45% (9/20) of 2-2 teams made the playoffs
0% (0/6) of 1-3 teams made the playoffs
25% (1/4) of 0-4 teams made the playoffs

Another oddity of the small sample sizes, Gutman's wild 2014 playoff run after starting 0-4 makes that position look more desirable than going 1-3. I was more surprised to see the lack of certainty that a 3-1 record provides. Given the weirdness that we've seen so far this year, I'm predicting that we see our first playoff run after a 1-3 start, likely coming from one of the following teams:

• Zacherman gets Brady back after next week, and will presumably have a healthy Gronk.
• AGD gets Josh Gordon back, and stumbled into a legit RB1 in Christine Michael
• I won't keep "allowing" 100+ points per week right? Right?!?!

Team of the Week - Ajay

Gutman's raw point total was impressive, but he was fueled by a ridiculous game from the Chiefs D thanks to Ryan Fitzpatrick. I'm choosing Ajay here because he easily cleared 100 points while leaving a shit ton of points on his bench. Not only was his 126.5 score the highest of the year, but if he had just started Jeremy Hill over Ryan Mathews and Desean Jackson over Golden Tate (neither of which were terrible choices, but still), he would have put broken 160. That's absurd in a 14-team league that doesn't have kickers. Last week I said that we saw the floor for Ajay's team. This week we saw its ceiling.

Best Lineup Decision of the Week - Bruno starting Sammy Watkins

Some may have an issue with the way he's handled his team so far, but Bruno may be a secret genius. Literally every team that has been autodrafted has won the chef's coat. Looking at raw points, his trades with Gutman and I haven't been nearly as one-sided as they first seemed, (though obviously Sammy, Floyd, and Vereen getting hurt isn't helping things). And through three weeks, Bruno has one win and two close losses, giving him the same record as AGD, who have been Stevens Bowl contenders for the last three years. It also gives him the same record as fellow newcomer Marco, who he just defeated. And he didn't just win. He won while voluntarily taking a goose egg at WR1. That's some next level shit right there. Bruno, we are all witnesses.

Worst Lineup Decision of the Week - Barnard starting Andy Dalton against Denver instead of Jameis Winston against the Rams

I've been on record saying that Barnard has backed his way into a somewhat good team despite not really knowing that he's doing. This week does nothing to change that, as Barnard's admitted recency bias (and likely implicit racism) led him to believing in a ginger against one of the more dominant defenses in NFL history. That decision was enough for him to take his first L of the year to a quietly good BAM team.

Honorable mention goes to AGD for not only trading for Dennis Pitta, but starting him over Coby Fleener.

Biggest Surprise of the Week - Curt Menefee passing it to Bennett

It would have been cooler if it came from Chris Berman just to hear him give Bennett a nickname. Or if they just played this clip.

Biggest Matchup of Week 4 - Esco vs. Gutman

These teams, similar to BAM, are a relatively quiet 2-1. They sit at 6th and 7th in points scored, and are starting guys like Brock Osweiler, Jacob Tamme, Tavon Austin and Clive Walford. But one of these teams will be 3-1 after this week, and sitting in the driver's seat for a playoff berth. Gutman looks to have the stronger team in general, especially with Doug Martin out and Brandon Marshall banged up, but I think this comes down to MNF with the Vikings D (facing Eli) outscoring Diggs for the Esco win.

Podcast 2016.09 - X Marks The Spot

Week 2 Recap

Another week in the books, and what a week it was. High-profile injuries, some semi-close matchups, and a brewing battle for worst record between Weissbard and Bruno. Most importantly, Felix from League Lobster became arguably the most valuable non-league member we've ever seen. I'm tempted to name the regular season championship award after him, and I'll be bringing that up for vote at Winter Meetings.

Speaking of Winter Meetings, I'm going to keep a running tally of the agenda so we don't forget anything:

• PPR (half or full)
• IR slot(s)
• Name the Regular Season Champion Award the Felix Award sponsored by League Lobster
• Increase the points that DSTs score for preventing opposing offenses from scoring

AGD proposed that last one to me, and I think it's at least worth discussing. Turnovers and return TDs are notoriously difficult to predict, but points allowed is a more consistent stat. If we're going to adjust the scoring at all, I can see bumping up the values in this area. I don't think a huge correction is in order, but a small adjustment could benefit someone like Weissbard as he tries to break 50 points.

Playoff Odds

With a 13-week regular season, every fantasy matchup carries a pretty heavy weight, even by NFL standards. So while it's true that losing one game isn't the end of the world, at some point every team can start to see its future come together a little bit more clearly. To back this feeling with some actual numbers, I'll be including playoff odds each week that shows the percentage of teams with a given record that made the playoffs based on our last 3 years (the post-Kimmel era). Not a huge sample size, and points scored likely has a better correlation to future performance, but it's something.

After Week 1:
52% (11/21) of 1-0 teams made the playoffs
33% (7/21) of 0-1 teams made the playoffs

Including this just as a frame of reference. Still makes the point clear that a win is a win.

After Week 2:
50% (5/10) of 2-0 teams made the playoffs
55% (12/22) of 1-1 teams made the playoffs
10% (1/10) of 0-2 teams made the playoffs

Speaking to the small sample size, being 1-1 appears to be more advantageous that being 2-0. That's obviously not the case, but the point here is that you want to have at least one win after two weeks. This means we can pretty much write off Bruno and Weissbard, but it also means that Zacherman (who I previously considered a favorite) would need to defy the odds to make the playoffs.

After Week 3:
100% (4/4) of 3-0 teams made the playoffs
42% (8/19) of 2-1 teams made the playoffs
38% (5/13) of 1-2 teams made the playoffs
17% (1/6) of 0-3 teams made the playoffs

I was very surprised to see that every 3-0 team has gone on to make the playoffs. Given that there have only been 4 of them in the last three years, this isn't a total shock I guess, but you would still think that a team would have benefited from an easy schedule early on, and then fallen apart. This means that the winner of Alan/Levine is either set up for a guaranteed playoff spot, or an epic collapse.

I'll keep updating these each week, so we can keep tabs on the playoff picture earlier than usual.


Team of the Week: Barnard

It might sound easy to just hand this award to the highest scorer, but because I'm giving it to Barnard, it's as painful a decision as I've ever made. Barnard does deserve the award this week, mostly due to how he won. Putting up the most points in a week while getting next to nothing from his QB and "star" RB, is pretty impressive. However, it also speaks to the fact that Barnard really has no idea what he's doing, considering he started a DST against his QB, and got some untenable performances from Blount and Forte. If anyone can start 3-0 and then end up 3-10, it's Barnard.


Best Lineup Decision of the Week: Levine starting Ryan Tannehill over Alex Smith

Having to choose between two below average fantasy QBs isn't a fun decision. Considering Smith threw the ball almost 50 times in Week 1 and still doesn't have Jamaal Charles, Levine could have been forgiven for riding him instead of Tannehill. For some Miami fans, starting Tanny against the Pats is only a recipe for disaster. But Levine believed, and was rewarded with a 2-0 record instead of an extremely embarrassing loss to Bruno.


Worst Lineup Decision of the Week: Gutman starting Jeremy Langford/TY Hilton over Stefon Diggs

I don't think anyone can blame Gut for starting Hilton, even against Denver's D, given how Indy's offense looked in Week 1. However, starting a mediocre RB against a stout Eagles run defense, instead of the prototypical Sam Bradford target in Bradford's first game, is less defensible. Going with Diggs was by no means an obvious call. It would have taken balls. Gutman didn't show any.


Biggest Surprise of the Week: Ajay

His score ended up respectable, but I was shocked to see Ajay sitting at 29.9 heading into Sunday Night Football. This week was my fear for Ajay's team post-draft, where the lineup decisions are difficult, and no one has a huge week. He didn't really mess up his start/sit decisions, but the ceiling of this team just isn't all that high, especially given Rodgers' recent lack of stellar play. At the same time, the floor is very high (and we probably saw it this week), which gives Ajay a chance to win every single week. It's also going to make for some very stressful Sundays for our defending champ.


Biggest Matchup of Week 3: AGD vs. Zacherman

The obvious choice here would be the battle of the undefeateds in Alan vs. Levine, but both of those teams are off to solid starts. I'm more interested at Zacherman's bid to avoid 0-3 against and AGD team that has defined dominance over the last 3 years. Z was one of my post-draft Stevens Bowl picks, with the thought that he had a solid team that would get a boost with the return of Brady. Unlike the actual Pats however, Z hasn't managed so well with Brady and Gronk. Speaking of New England, AGD will be rooting hard against them on Thursday as they live and die with the Texans. I don't love that matchup for them, but Z's team has severely underproduced and is now down a Woodhead for the year. I'll take AGD in a low-scoring game.


This is also the weekly reminder that Ajay, AGD and Levine still need to name their divisions.

Week 1 Recap

One week down, and it's easy to overreact. While some teams that lost this week will likely keep losing (Bruno, sorry about Sammy.) and some favorites will continue their winning ways (Ajay's team looks pretty well-rounded), we also saw some strong teams take a tough L (I guess that's karma for me), and some terrible teams come away with wins (Gutman may get his only win solely due to his predatory trade). For some perspective, Trevor Siemian, Jimmy Garropolo and Carson Wentz won games this week, while Drew Brees, Cam Newton and Andrew Luck lost.

My biggest takeaway is the lack of points being scored in our league, which I think will continue. Part of this is admittedly due to the lack of kickers, but part is also due to a generally weird draft that has left some teams scrambling. Regardless of the cause, I think the solution is some sort of PPR next year. Even adding 0.5 points per reception would help increase scoring overall, and make the league less TD-dependent. This is a discussion for Winter Meetings, but it's one I'll keep bringing up over the season. Based on my experience with kickers, we should get PPR instituted in 2023.

Additional Commissioner's note before we get started: Ajay, AGD and Levine still need to send me their division names. This shit is embarrassing, especially for AGD. No one expects much creativity from Ajay, or much communication from Levine, but AGD's creativity in this league is unparalleled. Give our division some personality.


Team of the Week: Alan

Yes, Levine had the highest score. But his total was fueled by a D-Will performance that has a clear expiration date, in addition to 48(!) passes from Alex Smith. Not that I'm upset that I lost with 100+ points or anything.

Alan may have a resurgent season in him. All of the major questions for his team had positive answers in Week 1. Is Andrew Luck back? Yes. Will Melvin Gordon ever score? Yes x2. Combine that with good performances by Shady and Abdullah, as well as putting up 100+ without much from Robinson/Decker/Olsen, and Alan's team looks better than expected. Could the Muffin Man be in line for a second (first?) chef's coat?


Best Lineup Decision of the Week: Barnard starting Blount over Hurns in the Flex

He doesn't get much love on this blog, but Barnard's lucky lineup management gave him the win this week. I was surprised that he banked on a Pats RB in an unclear situation over a Jags WR in a game where they were going throw 40+ times, but it worked. That said, it was still a terrible decision-making process and you deserved to lose.


Worst Lineup Decision of the Week: Bruno starting the Raiders D on the road vs. the Saints

While it may not be his worst roster management move of the year, I can't possibly understand the logic here. There were several better options out there (Eagles vs. Browns, Bills vs. Ravens, 49ers vs. Rams) that would have put up the 7 points required to take down Gutman. I'm not even really sure how you ended up with the Raiders D on your roster, but my recommendation is to sort the Free Agent Defenses by projected points each week and pick up the one with the highest projection. You may have blown your best chance for a win.


Biggest Surprise of the Week: Weissbard putting up 37.5 points

I could have easily put Weiss benching Kelvin and setting himself up for the Hot Potato as the worst lineup decision of the week, but his matchup would have been lost regardless. I still can't understand the logic of starting White/Pryor/Sharpe over Benjamin, given that all three of them are HUGE question marks on their own, but Kelvin coming back from an ACL against the Broncos at least gives me some pause. Still a terrible decision.

That said, this team isn't a lost cause. If you're going to have a shitty week, you might as well have a REALLY shitty week, as Russell, AP and even Martellus aren't likely to have duds like that too often, especially when Charles is hurt. The rumors around Charles don't sound great, but I'm not ready to give up on Weiss yet.

Biggest Matchup of Week 2: Ajay vs. Alan

It's difficult to have a truly important Week 2 matchup, but our only battle of undefeated teams (sponsored by UPS), is at least marginally interesting. Both teams have stud QBs on the road against stout defenses, and a stable of solid RBs liable to put up anywhere between 3-20 points. Alan can jump out to an early lead with Decker and Shady squaring off on Thursday, but I like Ajay to take the W thanks to Mathews on MNF.


Final Note

I know the podcasts have been few and far between, and I'm going to try and change that based on my/all of your availability. Especially if we have a non-Bruno trade, I'm definitely going to get both sides on a podcast to discuss. But in the interim, blog posts are easier for me, so I'll be posting as much as I can. As always, if you want to guest post, let me know. Fuck you Levine.

Denver Draft Recap

After another successful draft weekend, we have some time to kill before the actual season starts. I would usually bitch about holding the draft a week early, but now that I'm commissioner, I may have forfeited my right to complain about anything. We'll see how long I can last.

As usual, I'll be assigning movie/TV/song quotes to each team along with a draft grade, as well as a couple of quotes for the non-league members who helped make draft weekend memorable. Similar to last year, there aren't a lot of quotable movies that take place in Denver. My first thought was Half Baked for obvious reasons, but after the hike I had a better idea. It might not be Denver, but it is some place warm, where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. A little place called Aspen. This year's draft grades are brought to you by Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne from Dumb & Dumber.

Lloyd Christmas: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you Mary, just... The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary Swanson: Not good.
Lloyd Christmas: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary Swanson: I'd say more like one out of a million.
Lloyd Christmas: So you're telling me there's a chance.

This unfortunately goes to Bruno, who probably had the worst draft ever. I have no issue with loading up on a single position in theory, but when it's a position that only requires one starter, and is insanely deep this year, then that's a problem. Best case scenario is trading Cam for a startable RB/WR, and one of your other QBs for a flex. Even then I'm not sure you have a deep enough team to be a serious playoff threat.
Draft Grade: D-


Harry Dunne: I can't feel my f-fingers anymore, Lloyd. They're-they're numb!
Lloyd Christmas: Maybe you should wear these extra gloves. My hands are starting to get sweaty.
Harry Dunne: Extra gloves? You've had this pair of extra gloves this whole time?
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, we're in the Rockies!

This goes to Lowe, who led us all on a frigid expedition to the North Pole while telling us to dress for the beach. The views were amazing. The wind and altitude gain were not so amazing. Nevertheless, getting this group of people up a mountain at 9am is nothing less than a miracle so kudos.


Lloyd Christmas: I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!
Harry Dunne: No way!
Lloyd Christmas: I'll give you three to one odds.
Harry Dunne: No.
Lloyd Christmas: Five to one.
Harry Dunne: No.
Lloyd Christmas: Ten to one?
Harry Dunne: You're on!
Lloyd Christmas: I'm gonna get ya!
Harry Dunne: Nuh uh!
Lloyd Christmas: I don't know how, but I'm gonna get ya.

This goes to Ajay, who is continuing his tradition of travelling excessively far to hit a casino on draft weekend. Ajay clearly went the depth route during the draft, and came away with a lot of value. However, there is a difference between value and quality value, and Ajay ended up with a mixed bag. The Rodgers pick was likely the steal of the draft, and I love the depth at RB as well. But in a league that's so focused on the passing game, you're painfully thin at receiver, with question marks surrounding the guys you do have. I can't argue with your previous success, but I wouldn't call you a favorite to repeat at this point.
Draft Grade: B-


Harry Dunne: I don't get it, Lloyd. She told me ten o' clock, sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?
Lloyd Christmas: Yep. I'm pretty sure. Lobby bar right by the lobby. Maybe she just had a change of heart.
Harry Dunne: Oh, that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that. She wanted to see you again! And now no? Now... Wait a minute! Wait! She must have meant ten o' clock at night!
Lloyd Christmas: Do you think...?
Harry Dunne: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?
Lloyd Christmas: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic!

I'm giving this quote to myself, as the primary reason for me getting into the Premier League this year is so that I can drink in the morning. I went for value as well in the draft, and ended up with pretty much the exact opposite team as Ajay. My receiving corps is pretty absurd, but unfortunately I can only start three of them at a time. I also ended up with the same RB duo that "led" me to a 1-8 start last year, and swapped out Jeremy Hill for Rashard Jennings and Chris Ivory. It's a virtual certainty that I'll be trading a receiver at some point, but until then my lineup decisions will be rough.
Draft Grade: B-


Lloyd Christmas: Mock
Harry Dunne: Yeah!
Lloyd Christmas: Ing
Harry Dunne: Yeah!
Lloyd Christmas: Bird
Harry Dunne: Yeah!
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah!

Harry Dunne: Yeah!

This goes to BAM, as it's the epitome of unlikely camaraderie. Ever since Marshall gave Billy a piggy back ride through Caesar's in Vegas, this duo has been an enjoyable force of nature in this league. It's also the first song in the first Video Power Hour, which I feel like these two have watched a few times. In terms of their team, I'm at a loss. The ODB bid obviously changed their process, but somehow they ended up with Zeke and no other startable RBs. I'm sure there will be weeks where Beckham and Elliott carry them, but I don't know if they'll get carried into the playoffs.
Draft Grade: C-


Harry Dunne: She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

This goes to Marco who, based on the fact that he went to draft weekend and stayed until Monday while having a three week old baby at home, probably doesn't pay very close attention to what his wife says. In terms of the draft, I actually think Marco did a very good job for his first time. Solid depth across the board (though very Dolphin heavy), even if nothing really stands out beyond A.J. Green. I can't see this team having a terrible year, and if a few things break the right way, Marco could continue FALAFEL's proud tradition of first time owners taking home the chef's coat.
Draft Grade: B


Lloyd Christmas: Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me.

This goes to Zacherman, the league's elder statesman who acts 30 years older than he actually is. Whether it's supplying the league tailgate supplies (among other products), or his extremely random love of pinball machines, Z is still able to serve a purpose. Another purpose is drafting a pretty solid team. He oddly went Patriot heavy, but going big on Brady and Gronk is usually a winning bet. That duo along with Dez and Jordy should net him close to 60 each week on their own, so anything beyond that is gravy. I give this team the highest floor in the league, which isn't a bad place to be.
Draft Grade: B+


Lloyd Christmas: I got worms!
Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd Christmas: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.

This goes to Donny because I've legit heard him say this to people 10+ times over the years. Donny has also been dreaming about leaving the league for quite some time, and his wish has finally come true. As the first Stevens Bowl winner to quit, he's setting a dangerous precedent for others (looking at you Alan), but he is survived in Giants homerism by Bruno who can at least be happy about having Eli.


Lloyd Christmas: I'm only human, Harry! Come on! Stop being a baby. So we backtracked a tad.
Harry Dunne: A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!

This goes to BMO, who likely had a similar conversation during the draft due to Mejia running the show with the mantra "What's another dollar?". This is a weird team, which I guess is expected. Oddly and unnecessarily deep at QB for a team that wasn't auto-drafting, along with a solid WR duo and TE. And...that's it. There is absolutely zero depth on this team at the skill positions, and given the fragility of Reed and Evans, BMO's hopes come down to Ben and Antonio. That duo is a hell of a start, but they need some teammates to compete.
Draft Grade: C-


Lloyd Christmas: Mary... I... I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.

This goes to Barnard for obvious reasons, but also because he's at school rooming with Chip, so his wish might come true. As for his draft, he went big on RB with Todd Gurley, which history has shown us is a less than stellar idea. Outside of Jared Goff's RB, he just doesn't have a lot to be excited about. In fact, I'm not sure how he managed to spend even close to $200 on this team. Blount gets a boost thanks to Lewis going down, but Barnard deserves no credit for that. I like Fitzgerald, so I guess that's something positive.
Draft Grade: D+


Lloyd Christmas: You know why I like you Harry? Cause you're a regular guy. Yep! That's why I want you to stay regular. Once half teaspoon for fast, effective relief.

This goes to Alan, who is most certainly not a regular guy. However, maybe with a cocktail of Starbucks and Turbo Lax, he can find his own relief. Al drafted a very interesting team. I think Luck bounces back, and a deep stable of RBs is never a bad thing, but zero depth at receiver is a little bit scary. However, in a year where we don't have any "complete" teams, I think Alan will be in the mix for a playoff spot, especially if he trades well.
Draft Grade: B-


Lloyd Christmas: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Bus Stop Beauty: Austria.
Lloyd Christmas: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!

Bus Stop Beauty: Let's not.

This goes to Weissbard, who busted out the Fair Lawn, NJ sweatshirt for draft weekend, and probably has a similar approach to women as Lloyd Christmas. Weiss also busted out the BAM draft strategy of going big at QB and RB, and hoping for the best elsewhere. Of all the players to bet on, I think Russell, AP and Charles are a very solid trio. However, your current starting receivers had as many catches last year as DaveO and Rob Woods did. I see a trade in your future, but the problem with going so big on three players is that to get depth, you need to trade one of them. I've felt that pain in the past, so good luck.
Draft Grade: B-

Lloyd Christmas: You're it.
Harry Dunne: You're it.
Lloyd Christmas: You're it, quitsies!
Harry Dunne: Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
Lloyd Christmas: You can't do that!
Harry Dunne: Can too!
Lloyd Christmas: Cannot, stamp it!
Harry Dunne: Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!
Lloyd Christmas: Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.
Harry Dunne: No, you can't do that... you can't triple stamp a double stamp, you can't triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!
Lloyd Christmas: LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Harry Dunne: LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD!
Joe Mentalino: GUYS! ENOUGH!

This goes to AGD, who have their own process that everyone might not agree with, but has been unquestionably successful over the years. And post draft, I really liked their team. Then the Lewis injury news broke, and even though they got James White, the team's ceiling is definitely lower. Best case for this team is waiting out the Josh Gordon suspension, then trading a receiver for more RBs. I still have faith in their ability to make the playoffs, but it's a bit shakier now than it was a few days ago.
Draft Grade: B


Lloyd Christmas: Listen, Mr. Samsonite, about the briefcase, my friend Harry and I have every intention of fully reimbursing you.
Nicholas Andre: Open it up. Open it up!
Lloyd Christmas: Go ahead, open it up. Do what he says. Hurry.
Nicholas Andre: What is this? What is this? Where's all the money?

Lloyd Christmas: That's as good as money, sir. Those are I.O.U.'s. Go ahead and add it up, every cent's accounted for. Look, see this? That's a car. 275 thou. Might wanna hang onto that one.

This goes to Gutman, who did another great job planning the weekend and keeping track of expenses (for his own bachelor party no less). He was also super pumped about his team post-draft, only to apparently have some buyer's regret less than 48 hours later. I've made it very clear that I don't think Devonta Freeman is a good football player, I don't trust Demaryius with his QB situation, and I think TY Hilton is one-dimensional. Having said that, Tyrod is fun, Ingram should be very solid, and Diggs is a nice sleeper. This team doesn't scare me, but it's not trash either.
Draft Grade: C+


Harry Dunne: That was genius, Lloyd, sheer genius. I mean where did you come up with a scam like that?
Lloyd Christmas: Saw it in a movie once.
Harry Dunne: That's incredible! So what happened, so the guy tricks some sucker into picking up his tab and gets away with it scott free?
Lloyd Christmas: No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat!
Harry Dunne: [Stares at Lloyd in disbelief. The speed of the engine increases]

Lloyd Christmas: Ha ha ha! It was a good one.

This goes to Esco, who's strategy of searching for value over studs has started to be mimicked by other teams in the league. This forced him to go a little above his preferred price range for guys like Doug Martin and Brandon Marshall. But he still found value with Keenan Allen (who I love) and Alshon Jeffrey, giving him a very solid core. If anything, Esco's biggest weakness other than QB (Cutler, really?), is oddly his depth, which is a situation he's not accustomed to. I assume he has a trade or two ahead of him, and will be in the playoff mix all year.
Draft Grade: B-


Sea Bass: What the hell? Who's the dead man that hit me with the salt shaker?
Harry Dunne: Well, it was a terrible mistake, sir. Oh, please believe me, I would never do anything to offend a man of your size.
Sea Bass Friend: Kick his ass, Sea Bass!
Sea Bass: You gonna eat that?
Harry Dunne: What, that? No, yes, no. Well, no, I-I crossed my mind, yeah?
Sea Bass: Still want it?
Harry Dunne: Nah, you go ahead.

This goes to our former commish and resident asshole, Nick. I'm mainly pissed at him for leaving the league, but this also applies to his apparent treatment of an innocent pizza cashier. Against all odds, he was actually a solid commissioner, so I can only hope to fill his shoes the same way Goodell did for Tagliabue.


Lloyd Christmas: We got no food, we got no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

This goes to Levine, who was improbably the first league member to go to the ER during draft weekend. As predicted, I look at Levine's roster and think "Solid, but not spectacular." Like Esco  you're going to need to upgrade at QB, but I like your overall roster better, especially once Bell comes back. There's the right mix of quality starters and upside bench players, that I'll go ahead and make you (along with Z) one of my two playoff locks. Last year I assigned that praise to Ajay and myself after the draft. One out of two ain't bad.
Draft Grade: B+


Final Grades:
Levine: B+
Zacherman: B+
AGD: B
Marco: B
Alan: B-
Ajay: B-
Esco: B-
Kumpf: B-
Weissbard: B-
Gutman: C+
BAM: C-
BMO: C-
Barnard: D+
Bruno: D-

As you can see, I don't think we have any truly dominant teams, but a lot of teams that will be very competitive. This was the weirdest draft I can remember in terms of teams going big on a certain position (for better or worse), which has led to some very lopsided rosters. I'm hoping this, along with some preseason injuries, lead to more trades this year. Two weeks til kickoff!