Week 1 Recap/Week 2 Preview

What a weird first week of the season. Lot's of injuries, lots of studs not performing well, and lots of TDs for TEs. I somehow went 0-6 in fantasy, but 5-0-1 (now 6-0-1) in gambling, which makes absolutely no sense, but is a good proxy for what type of week it was. I'm hoping that things even out this week, if only so that my impromptu speech at Barnard's wedding won't come off in poor taste. Well it will definitely be in poor taste, but it will be easier to get away with at 1-1 than 0-2.

Week 1 Recap:

In the "Game of the Week", neither team broke 85, and Donnie is the current Hot Potato thanks to apparently drafting Archie Manning as his QB. So let's take a look at the actual best game of the week:

Levine (99) over BAM (95.6)

Things started out rough right off the bat for Billy and Marshall, with the Colts getting destroyed, Miami failing to blow out the Skins, and Cam Newton forgetting that he has literally one person worth throwing the ball to. A couple of garbage time TDs made Luck's day respectable, and Jarvis Landry's punt return TD was a nice double dip, somewhat salvaging the 1pm games for BAM while Levine got a great performance from the Carolina D and a middling day for Alshon.

The 4pm games is where it looked like BAM put things away. Ingram and John Brown were solid enough, both hitting double digits, but they had to be happy watching AJ Green struggle, as well as Bishop Sankey putting up 20+ on Levine's bench. A seemingly innocent TD by Eric Ebron didn't seem like it would make much of a difference. More on that later...

BAM went into SNF up 75.3-55, with DeMarco and Mike Wallace still to play, likely feeling very confident. When Dez went down early, it looked like that closed the book for Levine. Romo responded with a great finish, but if Eli had literally just fallen down, he wouldn't have gotten the chance to put up another 6 points. More on that later...

Heading into MNF, Levine had taken the lead 99-75.3. Not a small margin, but with DeMarco taking on one of the worst defenses in the league, as well as whatever Mike Wallace has to offer, BAM had to be cautiously optimistic. And then...8 carries for 9 yards? Even two TDs couldn't save the day for Murray, and despite Wallace catching an insane (for him) 6 of 7 targets, Levine wins the week.

Best Start of the Week: Barnard starting Benny Cunningham (12.2) over Fred Jackson (2.9)/Bilal Powell (7.8). This section will typically be populated by someone who won themself a game by making the correct call in a tough lineup decision. Granted, Barnard's decision was only really tough because he drafted horribly, but I digress. Benny Cunningham shouldn't be in the NFL, and playing him against Seattle's D had the potential for a goose egg. If Barnard got stage fright and went conservative, he loses to Zacherman. He made the right call, in a classic blind squirrel/nut situation.

Worst Benching of the Week: Gutman benching James Jones (17.1) for Malcom Floyd (2.9). This section will typically be populated by someone who cost themself a win with a questionable decision. Gutman is totally fucked at WR. Kendall Wright seems to have a connection with Mariota, but I think Gutman's high school team could put up 30 points on Tampa, so that remains to be seen. At the other slot, you had a tough decision, but Malcom Floyd is never the answer. In situations like this, you need to start the guy with the highest upside. Great job picking up Jones. Too bad you were too much of a pussy to use him.

Week 1 (and Overall) Hot Potato: Donnie - 69.1
Week 1 Scoring Leader: Esco - 138


We only have two matchups of teams that won last week, and it's shockingly Alan vs. Bennett and Barnard vs. Esco. Seeing as the winner of those matchups will be looking pretty good at 2-0, I need to feature one of them, which is pretty much the opposite of Sophie's Choice. I was comparatively nice to Barnard earlier, so I'll give him an early wedding gift and talk about him some more

Week 2 Preview: Barnard (1-0) vs. Esco (1-0)

QB: Esco's gamble on Brady paid off in a big way last week, but things could change quickly in Week 2. Since the dawn of time, the way to get Brady to play poorly is to make him move his feet, and Buffalo blitzed the shit out of Luck last week. The Pats O-Line isn't great, so I wouldn't expect another 20+ points from Tom. However, you're going up against the biggest QB clusterfuck in the league, so even if Carson has a good day against the Bears, I would expect both Kaepernick and Mariota to outscore him, as Barnard will never pick the right QB. Edge: Esco.

RB: Until Barnard gets Bell back (and potentially after that), he automatically loses this category, but we can't gloss over Esco's RB situation. I've been an Ivory fan for years, but I wasn't high on Forte this year, and thought Abdullah would take few weeks to win the job, but things look different now. Forte was Chicago's entire offense, and even if that offense isn't great, it still means lots of fantasy points. As for Abdullah, he looks extremely legit. With Blount and Mathews on his bench, Esco has the deepest stable of RBs in the league. Big Edge: Esco.

WR: Hilton's injury is definitely unfortunate for the Nard Dog, but Watkins should bounce back after being completely shut down by Vontae Davis. I would assume the trio of Fitz/Marshall/Watkins will technically outscore Hopkins and VJax, but there's only one stud here. Ryan Mallet must think that Hopkins looks like his Meth dealer, because he only throws the ball that way. Slight Edge: Esco.

TE: I'm going to pretend that the Chiefs didn't already play, and talk about how absurdly good Kelce looked last week. With a competent QB, Kelce could be the next Gronk, minus all the weird shit. He was the focus of Denver's D last night, and didn't find the endzone, but he's still better than Charles Clay. Big Edge: Barnard.

D/ST: I'll cover the Broncos D in a minute, but most of the time this decision will be based on matchups. Houston is playing a Panthers team relying on Ted Ginn and Jericho Cotchery, and they also have J.J. Watt. STL is going up against human turnover machine Kirk Cousins and has Aaron Donald, the scariest man in the NFL not named Watt. Barring a defensive TD, I think this will be close, but I'll give it to the best front four in the league. Slight Edge: Esco.

Verdict: With his perpetual depth, the weakest time of the year for Esco's teams is usually September. If he gets off to a hot start, I fully expect him to get a bye, which is no bueno for the rest of us. If he was a nice guy, he would give Barnard a win as a wedding gift, but we all know who we're talking about. Winner: Esco.

2015 Record: 0-1


Best Pickup of the Week: Chris Johnson for $41 by BAM. Not a lot of great value on the waiver wire this week, but CJ?K is the starter for at least the next couple of weeks in Arizona, potentially longer given that Andre Ellington is not good at football even when he's healthy. This type of situation usually costs upwards of $70 in auctions, so I'm calling $41 a value, even if CJ plays like he has for the last few years. More starting RBs is never a bad thing, especially when it comes to trades.

Worst Pickup of the Week: Broncos D for $21 by Esco. No backup defense is worth over 10% of our season-long budget, I don't care if it's the '85 Bears. I had this written before the game last night, and even though they put up 20, I stand by it. You're also the early front-runner for "Worst Benching of Week 2" because YOU DIDN'T EVEN START THEM! Honorable mention to Barnard spending $8 on his 3rd QB in a league that only starts one.