Week 4 Rankings

The past couple of weeks I’ve been all over the country, and I’m so exhausted that I could collapse (sorry to bring up a sore subject Ajay), but this week I will get back to the usual rankings format you all know and love. So let’s not waste any time with a long intro…

Bitching About Kicking
After two weeks of one side throwing up a shutout, both the experts and randomness scored last week. Rackers put up 15 and Suisham nearly matched him with 13, making the overall score, Experts – 25, Randomness – 23. For the record, that’s a whopping .67 difference in points per game, which really speaks to the value of kickers. Oddly enough, I happen to own the top overall kicker this year. Go figure.
This Week: Experts have Rackers again, Randomness has the Vikings’ Ryan Longwell.

Week 4 Rankings

1. Esco – CPP: 160.61 – Last Week: 2nd
Putting up 120 with Vick only contributing 9 before going down to yet another injury is pretty impressive. You definitely have the most consistent core of players in our league, but with Benson’s looming suspension and the fact that Daniel Thomas and Sid Rice probably won’t put up double digits every week, I think you need help from your QB. With Vick a major question mark and Bradford banged up himself, I might consider trading some of your depth for a reliable backup (I know a brown man in mourning today who has some extra QBs). You face off against Billy this week, and his improbable 2-1 record without Foster. Yahoo says blowout, I say close game, we both say you win.

2. Autodraft – CPP: 153.04 – Last Week: 9th
I really hate to give you any credit for this team, so I won’t. I can give you credit for players you actually picked, so from the draft it’s just Tony G, Ben Tate and Ricky. Since then, you’ve picked up Joseph Addai and Jason Snelling. So with that core, I have to say good job. Tate has been solid so far, Addai surprised the world by scoring last week, and Gonzalez is apparently not dead. Too bad the carries will start to drift towards Delone Carter, Arian is now back, and I still think Gonzalez is dead. You have 3 wins more than I thought you would, and apparently the top 2 WRs in the league, but I think this week I start to bring you back to earth. Sorry my friend.

3. Kumpf – CPP: 137.25 – Last Week: 3rd
It appears the Mike Tolbert Experience has ended, which upsets me, but I don’t think my team was relying on him anyway. I’m as shocked as everyone else is about how Fitzpatrick is playing, but I’m riding that Hahvahd horse until he proves me wrong (anyone want Schaub?). I really wish I didn’t spend so much on Dallas Clark, but I’m convinced Collins/Painter will have no choice but to rely on him, so I’m not giving up yet. I know most of you don’t want to root for me, but for the good of mankind against machines (or in this case Autodraft), you need to be pulling for me to dethrone the Champ this week.

4. Ajay – CPP: 123.46 – Last Week: 7th
I realize that there’s really nothing I can say to make you feel better about the most devastating collapse in regular-season sports history, but here goes: You became the first person other than Nayak to win our Fantasy Baseball championship while still preserving it for Indians everywhere, you look poised to make the playoffs for the first time in the league’s current format, you have two top ten QBs to choose from and a looming giant in Roy Helu, and you get to hang out with Lowe more now as he watches the Yankees run train through the American League on the way to World Series #28. Did that help?

5. Barnard – CPP: 115.17 – Last Week: 12th
What the fuck are you doing in the top 5? I need to have Gutman re-do this formula because I was sure there was a constraint that says you couldn’t get higher than 7th. Your team has probably improved the most over the first 3 weeks, without actually having changed its members. Fred Jackson is riding the Bills wave, AP is AP, SJax is coming back, and Lance Moore appears to have regained the favor of Brees. Matty Ice and Bowe are still terrible picks, but you have Henne and Denarius Moore to fall back on, which isn’t as terrible as I thought. And you get to face a reeling Zacherman this week, who is apparently suffering the Stevens Bowl Loser Curse. I don’t know who the league collectively enjoys rooting against more.

6. Lutz – CPP: 109.06 – Last Week: 13th
We need to have a talk Billy. In Week 2 you started Lloyd when he was announced as not playing. You had a nice bounce back in Week 3, and you should be getting Foster back this week, but look at your bench! You have the rare distinction of having not 1 but 2 players who have not scored a point or gained a yard all season. Why is Ryan Torain on your roster? Why is TO even available to be on a roster in Yahoo? In this league, with our current waiver system, if you’re on the bottom half (which you were last week), you need to make an improvement otherwise you may not get a chance again for a month. I also find it funny that you have two TEs on your team, and they have a combined 6 points on the season. Get on that Lutz.

7. Gutman – CPP: 108.76 – Last Week: 14th
Hey look who’s out of the cellar! This means you totally won those trades right? The Andre for DMC swap worked well for you, as McFadden tore up Rex Ryan’s lap band on the way to 29 points. Even Plax was useful , putting up 11. But let’s take a closer look. DMC now has groin tightness (ew) and his backup put up double digits last week. Plax only had 3 catches in a game that the Jets needed to pass because they were down big. That’s looking more like an aberration than a constant. And the Vick trade certainly looks good after one week, thanks to the Dog-Killer’s injury, but your main man Hightower only amassed 41 yards on the ground, and Helu is coming on fast. Congrats on your first win, but it may be one of the few for you this year.

8. AGD – CPP: 106.49 – Last Week: 1st
You guys really are all over these rankings, having hit first twice in the first four weeks, then plummeting. Most of that has to do not with your team, but the fact that the 340 points you’ve allowed is only one point less than our highest scoring team has scored. These things usually even themselves out (unless you’re Nick, which I’ll get to later), so I wouldn’t worry too much. Your three-headed monster at RB is unmatched in our league, you have solid receivers, and thanks to neither Jersey team being able to run the ball, your QBs are actually startable, for now. If I were you I would still look for more consistency at QB and perhaps an upgrade at WR, but otherwise this is a playoff team.

9. Weissbard – CPP: 103.63 – Last Week: 4th
This team is Brady surrounded by mediocrity. Other than the newly clean-cut Pats QB, as well as VJax and Nicks when he’s healthy, you don’t have anyone that screams “must-start.” That’s a tough spot to be in, but if Brady can keep putting up Marino numbers it shouldn’t matter. You get to pick on Bennett this week, who’s team apparently went to shit faster than the Sox playoff hopes, so I see you getting to .500.

10. Alan – CPP: 96.03 – Last Week: 6th
And thus begins the steady decline of the Muffin Man. Losing Charles was unfair, no one deserves that, especially not you, but making a dumb trade on top of it? There’s no way to bounce back from that. Last week your team wasn’t terrible, you made a smart pickup of Victor Cruz, Sproles and Olsen scored, everything looked like you could hand me my first loss. But then I realized I was playing against Danny Woodhead instead of Darren McFadden. Oops. All is not lost though, as you can still make a trade for depth at RB, if you have the balls.

11. Joseph – CPP: 88.11 – Last Week: 8th
I don’t recall you doing anything particularly bad to fuck this league over while you were commish, but apparently the karma gods hate you. Through three weeks, you’re fifth in scoring, yet sit at 0-3 thanks to letting up a shocking 115 points per game. This may sound familiar, as last year you were among the leaders in scoring for the first half of the year, only to see your record at 2-5. Regardless you sit as our only winless team, even with Rodgers brilliance, Gronkowski’s scoring binge, and Jordy Nelson’s fantasy relevance. Maybe it’s because Chad Henne has more rushing yards and TDs than Chris Johnson. But then again maybe it’s due to a higher power.

12. Zacherman – CPP: 81.47 – Last Week: 11th
I sure didn’t think we would see you down here for multiple weeks after the draft. What happened? I look at your roster and I still think it’s as good as anyone else’s in this league. Gates’ injury has been rough, but not bad enough to tank your entire roster. You even have the number one fantasy surprise in Cam Newton. I don’t think it’s panic time for you either, but a loss to Barnard and a 1-3 record is tough to swallow.

13. Kimmel – CPP: 77.92 – Last Week: 5th
Your chances of a Fantasy Football title went out the window with Kenny Britt’s ACL (Did anyone see that play? Him throwing the ball after the injury was amazing). But look on the bright side, the champion of our Keeper Baseball League is Team Kimmel? (Yes, Ajay is so lazy that he only added a question mark to Kimmel’s old team name. In hindsight we should have thought of this before electing him commissioner.) Thanks to Ryan Mathews’ emergence, your team isn’t completely dead, but losing both Peyton and Britt in a 14-team league is hard to recover from.

14. Bennett – CPP: 69.02 – Last Week: 10th
I have to admit, I was excited when you changed your team name. For weeks I had been sitting there wondering what link was so awesome that you felt it had to be your team name. My hopes obviously were not too high, considering it’s you, but still to put your entire season in the hands of a link, it had to have some upside. As it turns out, you just love watching a ripped black guy work out while shirtless for 10 minutes. Also, your team sucks.

See you in October.