15th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - The Final

 

Our closest round yet, and the two seeds ultimately prevail. These were my top two choices when we submitted cities and I honestly don't have a strong feeling either way here, so some debate would be nice.

15th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - The Final Four

 

The Final Four is here and is just as everyone predic...

WAIT! Is That Cleveland's Music?

Taking down the super convenient, and super non-specific Jersey Shore?

Interesting Final Four. Montreal is the outlier and probably the most surprising place we haven't been to yet. The other locations are all ideal for long weekends, with Minny and Cleveland super convenient from an airport perspective and Poconos super not convenient from anywhere. Might be time for one of the Adams to give some Airbnb options?

15th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - Elite Eight

 

The year of the underdog continues as we lose another 1 and 2 seed. This has to be the largest combined seed total in the Elite Eight that we've ever had. 

But I think this round is midnight for our Cinderellas as we revert back to our norms: 1) Top seeds win this bracket, and 2) We loath crossing the Mississippi River.

Barring some unexpected Nashville nostalgia, or Marco worrying about immigration, I expect to see the 1s and 2s facing off in the Final 4. No idea where we go from there so let's get there ASAP.

15th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - Sweet Sixteen

 

Upset Special!

Without doing any research, I have to think that 6 upsets is the most we've ever had in a single round. And given that there were three byes, nearly half of our matchups saw the underdog win.

That said, three of the upsets were 4-5, and the biggest shocker was maybe Salt Lake City beating Kansas City? The favorites are all still alive.

Special call out to Key West putting up the worst performance we've ever seen by a 1 seed. I think an  8 seed has won before, but Key West only got more votes than two other locations despite being the top seed in it's region. Well done Bennett.

Reading the tea leaves, a Poconos/Minny/Montreal/Jersey final four seems somewhat imminent. All good options, but maybe there's an underdog out there somewhere.

15th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - The Bracket

 

Here we go!

Interesting bracket for a few reasons:

1. We have our first set of Byes, for top seeds Poconos, Las Vegas, and the Jersey Shore. Key West is the unlucky 1 seed who has to compete in Round 1, and it gets a formidable opponent in Smashville.

2. The Poconos region has to be the most eclectic set of locations we've ever had, even including the fact that there are only 7 in there. We have rural Pennsylvania, a lake in NY that is somehow inconvenient for everyone other than Barnard (and maybe Frank, who I assume lives in a cave nearby), the theme park capital of central Wisconsin, a German city known for Oktoberfest and Hitler (and it's not Oktoberfest), an absolute monolith in DFW, classic NOLA, and generic Charlotte. 

3. Love seeing in the NFC North battle in Jersey Shore's region.

4. Ithaca vs. Kansas City, KS might be a new low for us in terms of excitement. 

5. I can't wait to hear Levine bitch about how unfair this process is when he didn't even submit votes.

Trade Grade 9 (and Trade Deadline Preview)

 As much as I like this post every year, I'm not going to provide my usual detail this year and will be taking the easy way out in general. Shocking, I know. The Trade Deadline is essentially next week after TNF (3am ET), giving us most of 3 NFL weeks to decide who makes the playoffs outside of Nick, Ajay, and Alan.

But to start, and to make my life easier, I'll grade a real trade instead of providing a mock trade:

Trade 9
Esco receives RJ Harvey, Chimere Dike, and Darren Waller
Gutman receives Zach Charbonnet, Jordan Addison, and Ricky Pearsall

Despite the number of players involved here, I'm honestly not sure who the headliner is. I guess Harvey? Esco is certainly treating him like that. To be fair, I had something like this in the works for mock trades, as Esco trading Charbs/Addy/Pearsall for an Harvey was the most obvious move on the board for the whole league. I wasn't really sure what that package could get beyond Harvey, but this seems about right. Dike replaces some deep bench depth and Waller is most comfortable on the IR or in rehab, so it was basically a 1-for-3 trade. Harvey doesn't seem worth that on his own, but I think both teams made the most of what they could, and if both teams are at full strength, none of these guys probably starts (other than maybe Waller!).

Grades:
Esco: B-
Gutman: B

With a week to go, we damn sure better hit double digit trades. The league is pretty wide open, and some of the sleeping giants (Esco, Levine, Billy) are set to make moves to challenge or replace the early-season pretenders (Gutman, Weissbard, Zacherman). 

Mock Trade 1
Nick receives Marcus Mariota, Troy Franklin, and Tyler Warren
Zacherman receives Matt Stafford, Stefon Diggs, and Dallas Goedert

Mock Trade 2
Ajay receives Chris Olave
Bennett receives D'Andre Swift

Mock Trade 3
Alan receives Josh Jacobs, Emanuel Wilson, and A.J. Brown
Levine receives Breece Hall, Devin Singletary, and Justin Jefferson

Mock Trade 4
AGD receives Alvin Kamara and Quentin Johnston
Billy receives George Kittle

Mock Trade 5
Barnard receives Caleb Williams, Jacory Croskey-Merritt, and Rome Odunze
Weissbard receives Lamar Jackson and Xavier Worthy

Mock Trade 6
Kumpf receives Brian Thomas Jr. and Trey McBride
Marco receives Emeka Egbuka and Travis Kelce

Most of these aren't as fun as usual, but a couple of them (2 and 4) seem like win-wins to me. Let's start trading!

Trade Grades 5 and 7

 (Editor's Note: Esco was extremely delinquent in sending these and he combined them into one overall trade. I can respect the laziness, and the lack of AI this time, but if anyone else is interested in grading my trades I wouldn't say no.)

Trade 5
Kumpf Receives Brian Robinson Jr. and Ladd McConkey

Weissbard Receives Jared Goff and Rachaad White

Trade 6
AGD Receives Ladd McConkey, Calvin Ridley, Jauan Jennings, and DJ Moore
Kumpf Receives Antonio Gibson, Emeka Egbuka, Marvin Mims Jr., and Malik Washington

All-In-One Kumpf Transaction
Trades away
• DJ Moore, Chi WR
• Calvin Ridley, Ten WR
• Jauan Jennings, SF WR
• Jared Goff, Det QB
• Rachaad White, TB RB
• Ladd McConkey, LAC WR (from Weissbard)
For
• Brian Robinson Jr., SF RB
• Malik Washington, Mia WR
• Emeka Egbuka, TB WR
• Antonio Gibson, NE RB
• Marvin Mims Jr., Den WR 

Ok very delayed here but after losing four straight weeks on MNF, I lost my appetite to do any fantasy football analysis. But 2 game win streak and we are back baby!

Reviewing the full trade for Kumpf is a little strange to see with two weeks of hindsight, but I’ll try to take the position of what made the most sense at the time for each time.

Weissbard: Coming into Week 5, the logjam at Wide Receiver (BTJ, Ladd, Rome Odunze, Tet McMillian) makes a trade compelling, especially with Bijan and Caleb going on bye and limited depth. Ladd was definitely a sell low compared to his draft value when you trade him for QB15 and a short term RB rental. However, I think best case hes an WR2 for the rest of the year so I don’t see you giving up a lot of upside here. Goff is a borderline QB1 in a 14 team league who allows you to play the matchups with Caleb and with Bucky Irving questionable for Week 5, Rachaad becomes an immediate RB2 for as many weeks as Bucky is out (turns out its at least 3!).

Weissbard Trade Grade: A-
Updated Zacherman Trade Grade for Trading for Bucky without getting (Editor's note: or even ASKING FOR) Rachaad: D-

AGD: An 8 player WR swap on a Sunday (with your opponent that week!) is strange execution and bizarre strategy, and that about sums up the AGD season. Emeka Egbuka has become a top 5 WR and was by far the most valuable player on the AGD roster so he’s the most obvious chip to trade to give you desperately needed depth. I’ll also give AGD credit for finding Malik, Antonio and Mims on the waiver wire, not only have they been active but they have had a few nice pickups. It’s hard to imagine any of them as a every week starter so if you want to package your scraps and your star, now is the time before the shine stars to fade on either of them.

Getting a WR2 (Ladd) and 3 WR Flex Options (Moore, Ridley, Jennings) is certainly an improvement over being forced to start Christian Kirk and Malik Washington on a weekly basis. I would say losing your only 20+ scoring option (Emeka) would be a big negative but when you have the chance of 0s in your WR2 and Flex on a regular basis, you need some form of consistency. This is a bit like moving around the deck chairs on the Titanic and I still can’t believe you have now completed a second trade without getting value for Kittle, but I don’t hate it.
AGD Trade Grade: B

Kumpf: Looking at the combined trades, it feels like giving up a lot for Emeka and some question marks. To be fair though, in my last trade review, I complained how your WR flex nightmare would make it impossible to pick the right starters week by week and you very effectively solved it by landing a WR1 and a very clear starting lineup. So if you follow my advice, I can’t really give you a bad grade…

If you wanted handcuff fliers like BRob and Antonio in the hopes of injury, why didn’t you just keep Rachaad when you knew Bucky was questionable to play Week 5? Did you give up too much by flipping Ladd at his lowest value and trading all these components for Egbuka when RB2 remains your biggest question mark? It would be really really nice to have Rachaad back right now!
A lot of questions with the process, but I keep looking at your starting roster and its compelling. You are now extremely thin with no more trade chips on your bench so this trade will really come down to if your starting lineup can stay healthy
Kumpf Trade Grade: B-

Trade Grades 6 and 8

 Still waiting on Esco to provide the grade for my trades (now up to 3 on the season!), but here are the other two.

Trade 6
Nick receives Brian Thomas Jr.
Weissbard receives Woody Marks

As always, these grades are based on what we knew at the time, which was that BTJ was struggling to find the heights of his rookie season, while Woody seemed to be taking a firm hold of the Texans RB1 role. If he hadn't traded away one of his excess WRs earlier in the day, I would say this is great business for Dan. RBs are worth their weight in gold, and getting 10-15 touches per game is never available on the waiver wire. The only thing you can't do is trade a WR1 for the lesser of an RB by committee. This wasn't exactly that, as BTJ is more of a high end WR2 and Woody seemed to be the high end of a committee, but the Texans OL looks like trash. Given that Weiss was basically deciding between 1) which of these guys to start in a given week and 2) who would perform better over the rest of the season, I feel like he came on the short side here.

As for our defending champ, he made the stereotypical move of trading for a player who led him to the championship. We've all been there (Barnard hasn't), though his next move was surprising. Regardless, at the time Woody was his clear RB3, and BTJ immediately challenged for his WR1. Obvious move here.

Grades:
Nick: A-
Weissbard: C-

Trade 8
Marco receives Ray Davis and Brian Thomas Jr.
Nick receives Omarion Hampton and Hassan Haskins

These two trades were a master class by our defending champ. Turning the lesser half of the Texans running game into the best part of the Chargers running game is sorcery in a league that protects their RBs like they're gold. Nick is doing exactly what a 4-1 team should be doing, focusing on building the best team possible for the playoffs, because even if he goes .500 the rest of the regular season he's likely still in the playoffs.

Marco also did pretty well here. He dodged a Diggs bullet IMO and made lemonade after his roster lost his two most valuable assets in back to back weeks. It's still going to be a slog to get to the playoffs from 2-3 without your two best players, but there's at least a path, where there wasn't before.

Grades:
Nick: A-
Marco: B

Trade Grades 2-4

 I know I'm late on this, but on the plus side we've had more than 1 trade per week of the season, which is a great pace. 

Trade Grade 2
Kumpf receives TreyVeon Henderson, Garrett Wilson, and Travis Kelce
Zacherman receives Bucky Irving

(Editor's Note: I removed Esco's CoPilot analysis and just left the real thing. Keep the Big Pharma AI out of the blog please.)

Good to know that CoPilot won't be winning any fantasy drafts anytime soon. Based strictly on draft capital, Zball gave up a lot for Bucky. At first, I hated this for Z but looking at rosters again, I like this trade more and more for him. Roster clarity is critical and having 2-3 good flex plays means you are just going to pick the wrong one 50% of the time. Zacherman's starting lineup is likely one of the best in the league and he just needs to figure out a plan for week 12 when Jayden, Deebo and Keenan are all on bye. The one major ding here is not getting Rachaad White as a throw-in from Kumpf. When you only have 2 RBs on your roster you have to prioritize their handcuffs. 

Kumpf is buying low on Henderson, getting a fresh start at TE with Kelce and getting the Jets QB/WR connection (hooray?), but I'm worried the rest of his team is not strong enough to carry him until a likely Henderson emergence mid-season. Justin Fields being injured might actually improve Garrett Wilson's near term value but likely limits Kumpf's overall upside. Also with Henderson, Jauan Jennings, Calvin Ridley, Courtland Sutton and Rachaad White all trying to squeeze into an RB2 and Flex starting spot, you are going to be guessing wrong almost every week. Hell, even Mark Andrews might outscore Kelce 30-40% of the time. Maybe you can flip 5 of these misfit toys to AGD for Allen? But grading the trade as is - I don't like it 

Grades:
Kumpf: C+ primarily due to roster make-up post-trade, not necessarily trade return value
Zacherman: B+ (docked for not getting the handcuff and making the trade the week I play Kumpf)

Trade Grade 3
BMO receives James Conner, Jordan Mason, and Chris Olave
Esco receives Kenneth Gainwell, Ja'Marr Chase, and Ricky Pearsall

I honestly don't remember this one going through. I was in my own post-trade haze and I guess the names here seem bigger than the impact? The obvious wild card here is Chase. He's succeeded without Burrow in the past, and even if he's not a top 2 WR, he's still definitely top 10. Esco gave up all his depth to get Chase, which is the kind of move you need to make when your roster has one good player on it. CD and Chase is a hell of a combo, and while the RB situation is a disaster, I actually like the Gainwell throw-in. I think he becomes a legit flex option by the end of the season.

Speaking of disaster RB situations! Bennett made the rare move of trading for starters while already owning handcuffs. I believe during the draft Bennett was pleased with himself for sniping Esco's handcuffs, and now he had to trade Chase to get them from Esco. Well played. Kaleb Johnson for $14 is looking like a contender for worst pick of the year, and luckily for BMO they realized it soon enough to salvage the season. This roster is paper thin right now but if they can tread water until Aaron Jones and Aiyuk get healthy and turn the clock back a couple of years, they may still have hope.

Grades:
BMO: C
Esco: B+

Trade Grade 4
AGD receives David Montgomery, Tyrone Tracy Jr., Tyreek Hill, Emeka Egbuka, and David Njoku
Levine receives Josh Allen, Josh Jacobs, AJ Brown, and Cedric Tillman

Wow. I don't think we've ever had a 9-player trade before, and based on this I doubt we will again. Levine got the no-doubt top 3 players in the deal, and it's not out of the question that he gets the top 4 if the Browns passing game becomes effective, the Fins keep sucking, and Godwin eats into Egbuka's production. 

I want to see a Behind the Music on the negotiations here, because I just don't understand the following:
1) How did AGD not get rid of Hurts instead of Josh?
2) How was George Kittle (a legit asset that does not hurt AGD to lose) not included?
3) How was Josh Jacobs turned into two backup RBs?

AJB and Tillman for Tyreek and Egbuka is rational, and if AGD needed to throw in Kittle to get the deal done, I would say that's a fair trade. That still leaves AGD with Josh/Jalen to flip for a low-level RB starter like Chubb. Obviously easier said than done with the number of Je...annoying negotiators in this league, but my god. You guys asked me if I was interested in making a trade, and I outright declined because I respected you enough to assume you wouldn't voluntarily sign up for rape. How wrong I was.

As mentioned in the chat, the real question is whether Levine shows up to get his chef's hat in person.

Grades:
Levine: A
AGD: F

Trade Grade 1

 Almost forgot about this one as it happened so quickly after the draft.

Trade 1
Ajay receives Puka Nacua
Marco receives Jaylen Warren, Michael Pittman Jr., and Trey McBride

In terms of straight value, this is a pretty damn even trade. Ajay gets his WR1, Marco gets a legit TE and balances his roster a bit, and everyone is happy. I do want to call out the fact that Ajay not only had a good draft, but then parlayed his biggest mistake (taking two top TEs) and somehow turned that into a strength. Combine that with Terry signing a contract and Javonte apparently being a TD machine, and I think we have a clear favorite early. 

Also, considering this trade took place less than 48 hours after the draft and Ajay "profited" $11 here, I have to give him the edge.

Grades:
Ajay: A
Marco: B

Pittsburgh Draft Recap

Given the annual snubbing of Pitt during Draft Madness, I had a feeling this would be among the best or worst draft weekends we've had. I feel like I was right, and Pitt was a surprising contender for Best Draft Weekend ever. The city was a good size for our group, activities matched our interests, the Airbnb was good enough, the weather was perfect, we had 17 people in their mid-late 30s, we had a local guide, etc. Gutman deserves his kudos for planning things, but the vibe in general was just very good. Thanks to Levine for not being able to come.

As always, I will use Bill Simmons' my movie quote gimmick to assign draft grades. I did not have a ton of choices for this year, as I would guess less than 5 of us have seen The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh, and Groundhog Day is a little too far away to count. That leaves us with what I thought was a good choice, with Pitt representing Gotham, but we're using The Dark Knight Rises. If nothing else, it gets Hines Ward into movie game. As it turns out, the quotes here were not as good as I thought, and very difficult to apply to the league. Anyway, enjoy.

Zacherman
Bane: There’s a reason why this prison is the worst hell on earth… hope.

Z's section will be a preview to the theme of this post: mid-RBs were overpays, the late-middle of the draft was chaos, and Bane has most of the good quotes in this movie. This particular quote refers to Z setting the record for getting outbid on defenses he proposed. I lost count after 5 but it may have been close to double digits. He settled on Seattle for $2, which is less than ideal, yet appropriate.
Best Pick: Travis Hunter for $13. Given the hype and unique abilities for Hunter, I assumed he would be a huge overpay. I'm high on him in general, so getting him for under $20 was a surprise to me.
Worst Pick: TreVeyon Henderson for $36. In years' past, guys like Henderson were undervalued, going in the low $20s because the league went wild on the top RBs. This year was the opposite, and seeing a time-share, injury-prone rookie on a mediocre-at-best offense go for more than guys like Kenneth Walker, Kamara, Tyreek, and every TE is a surprise. He might end up being better than those guys, but this is not how the league usually goes.
Grade: B-

AGD
Bruce Wayne: I fear dying in here while my city burns.

Might as well get this one over with. The last time we had a true autodraft, it led to a chef's coat. This time...it won't. Obviously a shitty situation all around, but so far it seems like you guys are handling it well. The simple recourse here was just to attend the draft, but if that wasn't possible, you needed more than one contingency (or at least some idea of how autodraft works). There was surprisingly little discussion on giving you guys a break somehow, but the fact that there are literally two of you and neither one did this right kind of tanked your opportunities.
Best Pick: Josh Allen for $29. Not much to work with here, but no one is mad that they drafted Josh.
Worst Pick: Jalen Hurts for $30. I mean obviously. But beyond the fact that this was a second stud QB, he somehow cost more than Josh. I have no idea how that logic is possible, but I guess we all learned something.
Grade: Bruno (not worth discussing further)

Ajay
Bane: You fight like a younger man… nothing held back. Admirable, but mistaken.

I don't think any of the specific picks were terrible, but taking two TEs and loading up on the same bye week by accident is never a good sign. Appreciate the level of drunkenness you voluntarily got yourself to by noon, but you obviously have work to do with this roster. (Reminder that these grades are as of the end of the draft and do not include any post-draft news or trades).

Best Pick: Jaylen Warren for $6. I feel like this pick slipped through the cracks. Warren is the definition of unexciting, but at worst he's the lower half of a time-share with a rookie on a team that will need to play from behind. At best he leads the time-share and has an RB1 season as Rodgers reinvigorates the entire city of Pittsburgh. Not even considering what happened after the draft, Warren should have gone for 3x as much.
Worst Pick: Brock Bowers for $34. Always tough to gauge the value of the top guy at a position, but this ended up as a relatively big overpay. I feel like Bowers is overrated in general, but even if he is TE1 this year, he's not $9 better than TE2?

Grade: A-

Weissbard
Batman: I’m whatever Gotham needs me to be.

Two time Stevens Bowl champ. Back-to-back shot spotter (3x overall). Weiss is a chameleon for this league, and this year his role was to have the best team name. His team is fine. JCM was either worth $40 or $1, so getting him for $11 will probably be a bargain. Don't love the rest of the roster, don't hate it. All I know is that you will never pick the correct RB2 unless JCM hits hard.
Best Pick: Tetaroia McMillan for $7. Auction bids were going crazy at this point in the draft, so landing a true WR1 for any team at this price was a value. Hopefully you don't even need to start him, but even as trade bait this was a nice pick.
Worst Pick: Ladd McConkey for $32. Honestly I had him valued at exactly $32, so this wasn't a wild overpay. But with BTJ already locked in at WR1, the WR2 spot could have gone any number of ways. This was by far the most boring.
Grade: B

Esco
Bane: You came back to die with your city.

Esco made a low-key pro move by announcing he wasn't coming to the draft, avoiding planning it, then showing up and still getting a good room pick. Well played, but don't think that means you are off the hook for planning next years' draft. On the downside, your team is bad. Not the worst, but still bad. You might be the first team ever to only spend $1 on your defense, with everyone else on the roster at $2 or higher. That is not a compliment.
Best Pick: Jordan Love for $2. The Maye pick looks like an overpay, but getting the guy you are actually going to be starting for this price is super nice. Lots of mouths to feed in GB, but can't go wrong by picking the guy who will be doing the feeding.
Worst Pick: Chris Olave for $10. Best case, he ends up the WR1 on a bottom-five passing offense. Worst case, he is unstartable due to injuries and/or the talent around him, and retires by Week 6. Going in the same price range as Devonta, Ridley, and Hunter makes no sense to me.
Grade: D

Nick
Bane: Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Our defending champ can resume his usual heel role after one game of being a fan favorite. Nick had one of the weirder drafts, and I don't think it's entirely because he had to catch his flight. Every one of his picks was either a good value or a fair price, but the end product is an extremely unexciting roster. I don't know if it's Purdy at QB, Drake at WR1, Goedert at TE or just an underwhelming group of players going for a repeat, but I'm not really scared of anyone there.
Best Pick: Kyren Williams at $41. I regret not bidding this one higher. He was Exhibit A for lower level RB1s going for way cheaper than they should have.
Worst Pick: Stefon Diggs for $8. On one hand he's the top WR on his team and is only needed for flex here. On the other hand he's extremely washed and the rest of your roster was well-drafted.
Grade: C+

Billy
Bane: No one cared who I was until I put on the mask.

Didn't have great quotes here for someone who went more off-script than anyone in years. He went big for Gibbs and then...drafted three players in the $20s? A top ten QB? An actual flex player? My guess is that Billy wasn't drunk enough, something we need to remedy next year. If Billy has a resurgence this season we may have lost the most consistent facet of draft weekend besides Levine not showing up. The result is a pretty solid team from top to bottom, so maybe this is the evolution of Billy.
Best Pick: Jahmyr Gibbs for $60. I feel like Billy had mentally budgeted $75 for his RB1, so getting Gibbs for $60 threw everything off for him. I think Gibbs could easily end up as the RB1 this year, so nice value.
Worst Pick: Jaylen Waddle for $13. This auction got out of hand quickly, but it was at the point of the draft where everyone was overspending to fill out their roster. I'm down on Miami in general, and Waddle going in the range of Ridley and Odunze seems like an overpay.
Grade: A-

Kumpf
Bane: I am a necessary evil.

Everyone knows my schtick during the draft. Comment on every pick, call most of them bad, and then ultimately draft an unexciting team. This year I tried to target specific players and fill out my roster accordingly, and I guess I never stopped to look at what the final roster would look like. My roster is deep as usual but I'm not really going into Sundays pumped to watch Bucky Irving and Courtland Sutton.
Best Pick: Chase Brown for $48. Seeing Brown mocked as a top 10 RB was confusing to me at first, but I eventually came around to it and now I'm fully sold on him as a three-down touchdown machine.
Worst Pick: Jauan Jennings for $10. This was also during the crazy time of the draft, but it looks silly in hindsight. I was targeting Jennings, but also had no idea that he's already hurt and also requested a trade. Should be fun.
Grade: C

Marco
Bane: I was wondering what would break first… your spirit, or your body.

Marco stayed out of the ambulance this year, but on Thursday night it seemed like he was heading that way. Thankfully he rallied and ended the weekend in the black (I think?), then spent all of his auction dollars on starters but somehow was autodrafted some upside backups for $1. I don't super love the specific players, but it's a fun roster.

Best Pick: Malik Nabers for $45. He's extremely fun to watch and he went for less than ARSB, BTJ, and AJB, and went for the same as Puka. Speaking of...
Worst Pick: Puka Nacua for $45. No issues with Puka specifically, but after getting value with Nabers, Marco was primed to take one of the top RBs, and ended up with Kenneth Walker. Womp womp.
Grade: B

Gutman:
Alfred: Maybe it’s time we all stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day.

Our first non-Bane quote goes to the organizer of this year's draft weekend. I joke that Esco needs to resume the planning role next year, but I didn't hear anyone ask for him as we were sailing down the river or betting on the Pirates. Next year during Draft Madness you should send out sample itineraries along with potential Airbnbs. Your team is bad though.

Best Pick: Derrick Henry for $56. I didn't splurge for him, but Henry finishing as a top 5 RB is something you can take to the bank.
Worst Pick: Mike Evans for $22. Going in I was targeting Evans and had him in the $10-$15 range as a potential value. That was not the case. Waiting until pick 91 to get your first WR can cause those issues.
Grade: D

Alan:
Bane: Your victory has defeated you.

I say it every year, but Alan is either going to make the Stevens Bowl or battle for the Shot Spot. This seems like a Shot Spot year.

Best Pick: Josh Downs for $3. A rare value at this point in the draft. Don't love that he's your WR2 til Week 8 but the value remains.
Worst Pick: Sam LaPorta for $22. Lots of candidates here, but TEs were heavily discounted this year and LaPorta is too frustrating to be drafted for $8 more than Hockenson.
Grade: D-

Levine:
Bane: You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it.

I had a shockingly easy time picking Levine's quote this year. He was the first to adopt a true sit-and-wait-for-value draft strategy, but now everyone else has at least dipped their toe in it. But this strategy is often replicated and never duplicated, as once again Levine comes away with 4 startable RBs, but no one he will ever be excited to start.

Best Pick: Tony Pollard for $15. No one wants Pollard but come on, he went for about the same as Tank and Jordan Mason. 
Worst Pick: Broncos D/ST for $4. I don't think any defense is worth more than $1, but in this case, are you planning on picking up a second defense when they play the Bengals and Eagles in weeks 2-3?
Grade: B+

Bennett:
Selina Kyle: The storm is coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches.

Even if the storm is coming, we all know Bennett won't acknowledge it unless it's a direct hit. I figured out during the draft this year that Bennett's fantasy team performs pretty much exactly how well the Eagles do. The Eagles have been good-to-great the last few years and that pretty much matches how Bennett has done. The Eagles look pretty good this year unfortunately.

Best Pick: Baker Mayfield for $8. I love Baker this year and QBs were already a bargain. Baker going for less than Chris Olave is really nice.
Worst Pick: Kyle Pitts for $5. One dollar is too much for Pitts.
Grade: B+

Barnard
Talia al Ghul: You think this is the end? It’s only the beginning.

I never thought I would say that Barnard drafted a good team. And I still won't. While this is a top 3 roster, I have to give full credit to Weissbard for picking Barnard's name out of a hat, getting him nice and drunk, and allowing him to get out of his own way. He's light on depth at RB, which won't matter because Saquon is unbreakable, but he has the deepest group of WRs in the league. He might be looking at a bye this season if he doesn't fuck it up.

Best Pick: Xavier Worthy for $5. Even before the Rice suspension was official, Worthy was worth at least double digits, and now he's in contention for a WR1 season.
Worst Pick: Zay Flowers for $20. Not getting Andrews put you in a tailspin and I have to think this bid is the result of that.
Grade: A-

Grade Recap:
Ajay: A-
Barnard: A-
Billy: A-
Bennett: B+
Levine: B+
Weissbard: B
Marco: B
Zacherman: B-
Nick: C+
Kumpf: C
Esco: D+
Gutman: D
Alan: D-
AGD: Bruno

2025 FALAFEL Season Preview

It's crazy to me that we're headed into Year 17. If our league was a girl, Parise would have snuck it in through the back door of a party. That may have happened years ago, but I digress. With Nick finally claiming his elusive Chef's Coat last year, that leaves us with Barnard, Marco, and Zacherman wearing street clothes at the draft this year. As you will see below, it is truly surprising that Marco or Z has not one yet. As you will also see, it is not surprising at all that Barnard has not won.

Ahead of Rivalry Week and the Division Draft (captains: Nick, Alan, Esco), I wanted to update the blog for this season with the usual stats.

As always, we start with PAA (Points Above Average) per season. Not that you need a reminder but this is the points above (or below as 5 of you are!) league average, summed up over the number of years you were in the league. Longevity can be a good thing (Zacherman) or a bad thing (Alan), but I think it does the best job of ranking the league by skill.

Results heading into 2025:

Still shocking to see our only 3-time champ in the mud with the Kimmels of the world, but that's how fantasy goes. It's probably a good thing overall that our currently active league makes up the top 12 of the league, and a 116 point gap between Bruno and second-to-last place seems about right too.

Based on the chart above, here are Division Draft Tiers:

1. Blue Balls: Levine, AGD, Zacherman, Esco, Kumpf, Marco

In any given year, 3 of the top 5 teams by points scored are likely to come from this group, however between us we only have 4/16 titles. We all have our drafting and trading quirks, but you are unlikely to see this group in the Shot Spot. Esco is probably the most volatile, and with Marco's trading literally anything can happen.

2. Participation Trophies: Nick, Bennett, Barnard, Weissbard

These teams hover around average overall, but they get here drastically different ways. Weissbard embodies Ricky Bobby, Bennett does exactly as well as the Eagles do, Nick is either quiet or mean, and Barnard will never win.

3. Thanks Obama: Gutman, Ajay

With three titles and five Stevens Bowl appearances between them, the upside has been there, but not for the last five years. Outside of a brief Gutman blip when he was having kids and not actively managing his team, these teams haven't been consistent playoff performers.

4. Volatility Personified, but usually bad: Alan, Billy

You are either getting a top 3 or bottom 3 finish from these teams. Five titles and seven Stevens Bowls between them, but by far the lowest PAA/Season of active teams. Billy's placement makes sense, as his strategy is well documented. Alan remains a mystery that may not be unraveled until the documentary about this league is made.

Overall points scored for posterity and so I can continue my streak of being first in one of my made up stats:

See you all next week.

14th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - The Champion

 

Thank God.

Rivalry Weeks and Room Draft next up in July/August.

14th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - The Finals

 

Florida may have reigned supreme in the Title game last night, but FALAFEL 2025 is all about Pennsylvania. I thought these matchups would be a lot closer than they were, which I have to assume is due to commute concerns about the Poconos and weather concerns about NOLA? 

Either way, this is what we're stuck with. I have to hope Pitt rolls here, because are we really going to draft in Philly? Does anyone even live close enough to make it convenient?

The only thing I like about this matchup is that if there is a tie we have the option of meeting in the middle in Happy Valley.

14th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - Final Four Voting

We came reeeeally close to having no 1 seeds in the Final 4, which definitely would have been a first. Pitt survived Savannah and NOLA beat Cincy in a tiebreak. That leaves us with a Final 4 that is 75% Pennsylvania. I don't even really know what to say about that. A quick rundown from my perspective:

Poconos

Pros: Weather, housing, outdoor activities, the Dome, casino

Cons: Lack of novelty, draft locations, airport locations

Pittsburgh

Pros: Weather, ideal long weekend city, Pirates game, casino, airport

Cons: Housing, it's kind of funny that Pitt has never won despite being a 1 seed at least 10 times

New Orleans

Pros: Returning to probably the best draft location we've been to, Belf organized this one last time so we'll miss Esco even less than usual, it's New Orleans come on

Cons: Weather, repeat draft location

Philadelphia

Pros: Weather, airport, casino, draft grade quotes

Cons: General enjoyment of the weekend, safety, Bennett being way too happy

I honestly think it's anyone's game at this point. For the first time since Louisville vs. Cincy, I'm unsure of my votes.

 

14th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - Elite 8 Voting

 

MADNESS!

College basketball may be super chalky, but here in FALAFEL the bracket is living up to its name. The #1 overall seed goes down via tiebreak, and ALL FOUR 2 SEEDS LOST. Savannah beat Portland via tiebreak, Vegas and KC put up a fight, but Burlington got straight STOMPED. 

We have two repeat locations, a West Coast spot, and somehow 3 different places in Pennsylvania. At this point, Minneapolis has to be the favorite in terms of path to the ship, housing options, lake access, and weather. I can easily see Poconos making the final too, with many of the same benefits. Philly and Scottsdale are the only two cities that seem to have no chance, but they made it this far so who knows?

14th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - Sweet 16 Voting

 

Almost an entirely chalk first round, which is not entirely surprising. If anything the 7-seeds had a better showing than usual. Not sure if that's a reflection of the 2 seeds or what, but this week we have some real contests. The 1950's Northeast Family of 4 Dream (Jersey Shore vs. Poconos), Four potential repeat cities, and some classic also rans. I believe this is the first time Philly has made the second round, but everyone else has been here before.

14th Annual FALAFEL Draft Location Madness - The Bracket

 

Fun bracket this year. There are some prevailing themes to the regions, some random locations (Lesotho was the first team out), and a decent chance for a repeat location for the first time since Ithaca '10. 

• People seem pretty set on going down the shore, not sure if that's to put Esco in a weird spot or not, but I don't see anything stopping the Shore from the Final 4. 
• New Orleans has a tough road. I would have put it as the favorite pre-bracket, but taking down perennial contenders Cleveland, Cincinnati, and Vegas just to get to the Final 4 is daunting. 
• Similar to the Shore, I can't see Minny falling short before the semis. Lake house, not too hot, casino, maybe a soccer game? Seems like the prototypical draft spot.
• I have no idea what to make of the bottom left. Pitt is a 1 seed for what must be the 10th year in a row, but it only takes one person pointing out the Airbnb situation for Charleston to pull an second round upset. Portland, ME had a weird amount of support, so that's my Final 4 pick from that region.

Stevens Bowl XVI Preview

 I know this is coming out after the week has already started, but it's not my fault the NFL doesn't care enough about hyper-specific fantasy football blogs with intermittent posts. Better late than never, and I wouldn't want to deprive Nick of his first Stevens Bowl Preview.

Before we get to the breakdown, I am changing one of my favorite traditions. Fifteen years of Elf Yourself seems like enough, and technology has improved, so we're now enlisting AI for help.

NIJO! ALAN! IT'S THE STEVENS BOWL XVI!

For those who could not view the image:

I can't wait until video AI gets mature and free enough to create some deepfake porn as the preview. Belfer, I will need your help.

STEVENS BOWL XVI Preview: Nick vs. Alan

Note: I am doing this preview as if the Christmas games had not yet occurred, and we did not know that CD is out for the year.

Quarterbacks:
If you had Darnold vs. Purdy as the Stevens Bowl QB matchup, you should probably be in the Stevens Bowl. Darnold has had the better season, has the better weapons, and is playing indoors. Purdy gets to be the MNF hammer. I can't trust Darnold enough to pick him here, so I'll take the copout.
Edge: Even

Runningbacks:
Cook vs. Henry is the heavyweight battle here, but the matchup could easily be decided by the lower card of Hunt/Jones vs. Swift/ETN. I hated when Alan traded for Hunt, and I really hate ETN, so it comes down to Jones vs. Swift for me. I am way less afraid to pick against Jones than I am Darnold, so despite Swift getting more action in the passing game lately, I'll go with Alan.
Slight Edge: Alan

Wide Receivers:
Another heavyweight battle between CD and AJB, but the undercard here is really interesting. BTJ has been an absolute stud this year, even with the Jags being miserable to watch.. Tennessee is a meh matchup, but I expect him to clear 10 points easily. Jameson Williams, as always, is the true wild card. Goose Egg? In play. 200 Yards and 3 TDS? Also in Play. I don't love the big game odds for Jameson outdoors in San Fran in late December, so I'll go with Nick here.
Edge: Nick (Note: This is now a Big Edge with CD hurt.)

Tight Ends:
A total wasteland of a position this year outside of Kittle and Bowers, the Stevens Bowl brings us the immortal matchup of Tucker Kraft vs. Chig Okonkwo. I honestly could care less.
Edge: Even

D/ST:
Alan has been riding the Chiefs for all season and they've been more average than great, but I do like them outside in Pitt with Russ being forced to throw. I expect at least one defensive TD there. Nick has played the streaming game and now gets to feast on Caleb outside in Chicago at night. I don't feel like Seattle's D is anything special, but the matchup is certainly nice.
Edge: Even

Overall:
For the first time ever, Nick has all kinds of karma on his side. The number one reason to root for Alan is to make it difficult for me to find a different personalized chef uniform item. Not a bad reason, but St. Nick has better ones. Before CD got hurt, I was tempted to pick Alan, but now I really have no choice but to #Kurse Nick and his overreliance on the Tennessee/Jacksonville game.
Pick: Nick

Guest Blog: Shot Spot Prediction

 (Editor's Note: Today's guest blog is from Mr. First-or-Last Mike Honcho himself, Weissbard.)

A few weeks ago, shot spot seemed like a guarantee for me. A few triumphant wins later and suddenly there's 4 potential shot spotters in play with 3 games left (kumpf, marco, and gutman technically have the same record as Billy but his points scored is so putrid I'm leaving the 3 of them out and only including Billy as the 4-7 team). I'm in the most precarious position, but stranger things have happened (like me having a chef's hat but consistently being a top 3 division draft pick. Maybe you're all just haters)

Potential Shot Spotters:

Weissbard

The current favorite and potential to be the first person in FALAFEL history to repeat as shot spot. 2nd lowest points scored isn't great and I probably have the most difficult schedule remaining with Marco fighting for this playoff life, Alan holding onto his playoff life, and Ajay looking for the bye. Realistically, I need to win 2 of 3 remaining games because even if Barnard or Levine drops a game, my points scored is very, very bad. Maybe historically bad (though Billy is worse and we'll get to that). The jets on a bye means another week of playing McLaughlin (enter a sarah mclachlan sad song joke here) vs Marco and with a loss to Ajay pretty much guaranteed (gg Ajay grats on the playoffs) things aren't looking good for me.

Billy

My best shot at avoiding the shot spot is Billy to lose out. Realistically, the man who skips his wife's birthday every year for the draft will be doing the shots regardless because he's there for a good time. But it would be nice to have it mandated so I can skip out on it. Billy's worst in the league in points scored and 6th in points against including wins with 81 points and 70 points. He plays a hot AGD (we've been calling them this for so long a re-watch of the name origins is well worth it. Also I grabbed dinner with them last week and can confirm they live next door and the baby monitors work in each other's living rooms so they can hang while the babies sleep), and then a struggling Levine and Barndog. For some reason, Levine feels dangerous (in fantasy, not IRL), and barnard seems like an easy win, but Levine is bottom of the barrel for points and Barnard is 7th. I wouldn't be surprised if Billy lost all 3 games but expect my team to do the same (grats again on #1 seed Ajay gg)

Levine

SRL (are those just Steve's initials? Is that a worse team name than "ajay" or "ajayajay") is only 1 game ahead of me for last place and shockingly only 87 points ahead of me in points scored. My team has only scored more than 87 points 3 times this season so that's a pretty insurmountable gap to make up, but the way my season has been going even being in the same realm as my points wise means you're not doing great. Levine has huge shot spot implications the next 2 weeks with games vs Barnard and Billy and then a season finale vs BMO where Mejia will forego any new father duties to insult Levine for the week/maybe golf with him. 1 win should be enough to keep him safe though and he should at least get that.

Barndogs

Lots of hype in mainstream media with Putin Esco pumping up his popularity only for everyone to realize he's only a game ahead of me. A lot can happen in 3 weeks but I think everyone can agree seeing these standings when sorted by points scored is hilarious. "Ok 2nd place is 1st in points scored that sounds about right. 3rd is 4th, seeing a pattern here for the most pa- wtf who is that in 12th place?"

Having the most points against you will do that and I'm sure if Barnard's gambling losses write offs weren't distracting him, he'd be much saltier than usual. A remaining schedule of Levine, Esco, and Billy, should result in 2 wins. But I'm assuming Levine will drop 175 on him, Esco will drop 65 on him as his team scores 64.7, and then Billy and Barnard will tie. Not at halftime though (inside joke, you had to be there to get it)

Final predictions:

Last place - Weissbard

2nd to last but still doing shots anyway - Billy

(Ed: I agree with almost all of this, other than Gutman not being at risk of back to back shot spots himself.)